


The Gus Chronicles(college years)

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-16
Updated: 2004-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:25:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 60,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Gus is spending his first night on his own at State College.  While he and his Dads planned for this weekend all summer the plans have come to nothing.This is another of my favorites.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

AUGUST 2019 

Gus Remembers   
As I was unpacking the last box of my school supplies I found a letter addressed   
to me in Uncle Justin's handwriting. I haven't had the courage to open it yet.   
I'm afraid of what he has to say to me. I'm afraid that he never wants to see me   
again. I'm afraid that I ruined all of the good that I accomplished at the Prom   
last spring. I'm afraid to read the words where he denounces me as a stupid   
fuckup interfering where I shouldn't have stuck my nose. I'm just afraid that   
when I read it I'll no longer have two Dads. I'm afraid that Dad'll choose   
Uncle Justin over me and I won't have either Dad, and why shouldn't he choose   
Uncle Justin over me. Uncle Justin has never made such a fool of himself.

Today was supposed to be a day of fun and new experiences. Today I moved to   
State College to start my college career at Penn State University. We had   
planned for this day all summer. I was going to drive my graduation present,   
Dad's last Jeep, while Dad and Uncle Justin followed in the new Jeep. The plan   
had been for the three of us to move my stuff into my dorm room and then to   
explore the campus. While Dad hadn't been on campus often, since he'd   
graduated, he thought he would be able to act as tour guide for Uncle Justin and   
I. After the tour we would eat at the finest restaurant in the city and then go   
to a movie. Then I would return to my room while Dad and Uncle Justin would   
spend the night at the finest hotel in State College. No one has ever claimed   
that Dad doesn't live his life in the lap of luxury when it is appropriate. Then   
tomorrow we would get together to explore State College and the surrounding area   
before Dad and Uncle Justin return to Pittsburgh on Sunday. Monday I would start   
my college career. 

None of this happened because I tried to run another one of   
my famous plans. Dad told me back when I ran the plan that got him and his   
mother back together, as mother and son, that someday I would run a plan that   
would fail and I'd have to deal with the consequences of the failure. Boy   
did he know what he was talking about. My latest plan, to get Uncle Justin and   
his father Craig back together, blew up in my face like "The Coyote" trying to   
use a firecracker to catch "The Roadrunner." Instead of the 3 of us touring the   
Penn State campus I spent the afternoon, after I moved into the dorms, moping in   
my room. Dad and Uncle Justin are still in Pittsburgh. Uncle Justin hasn't   
spoken to me in over a week. I can't remember a day before, the blowup, where   
Uncle Justin and I didn't talk if we were in the same city, let alone in the   
same house. Since I started High School I spent most nights at my Dads' house   
instead of my mothers' house. But a week ago Dad asked me to stay with Mom and   
Mama until I left for State College since Uncle Justin was too uncomfortable to   
have me in the house. How in the world could I hurt him so much that he didn't   
even want to see me? 

The idea that Uncle Justin hates me hurts so much that I   
can't stand it. I know that Dad told me that Uncle Justin doesn't hate me. That   
he doesn't even blame me. But if he doesn't hate me why wouldn't he at least see   
me off when I left this morning. I was just trying to make someone in my family   
happy. I got grandmom and Dad back together and they were both much happier up   
until the day she died. When I found out that Craig Taylor wanted to get back   
into Uncle Justin's life I had to try. I just had to. I'd no idea that Uncle   
Justin would freak at the mere sight of his father. I should've known that he   
wouldn't want to see his father. I should've known.

Brian remembers

Why aren't we in State College right now? Why aren't we making love after a   
beautiful day spent showing our son the wonders of the Penn State campus? Why   
didn't we eat at the finest restaurant in State College? Why didn't we watch the   
latest Hollywood extravaganza? Why am I here alone in my own home while the love   
of my life is sulking in the spare bedroom? How could Gus make such a horrible   
mistake? How could Justin take such a simple gesture of love so wrong? Why can't   
I solve this problem? How could Craig Taylor screw up our lives again when he   
was trying to do the right thing for the first time in 20 years? How can I get   
the two most important people in my life to talk to one another again? How can I   
make Gus realize that Justin doesn't hate him? I told him that but I could tell   
he didn't believe me. How can I get Justin to forgive himself for overreacting   
to such a simple mistake? How can I go back in time and make it better?

Justin remembers

How could I overreact so badly? How could I scare Gus so much? The boy was only   
trying to make me happy. Didn't I teach him to do things like that? How could I   
make Brian so miserable? How can I put all of my family in the middle? How could   
I act so stupid? How could I let a man who hasn't been in my life for almost 20   
years ruin my life? How can I, at 36, still want my Daddy to make everything   
better? How can I hate my father so much that I have risked the love of my   
partner and son? How can I have screwed everything up so badly? I'm the sensible   
one of the family. I'm the one who makes everyone happy. I'm the one who always   
sees both sides of a problem. Why couldn't I speak to Gus and tell him the   
truth? Why couldn't I tell Gus or Brian why seeing my Dad was such a shock? Why   
couldn't I bear to even see my wonderful son? How could I hurt him so much by   
not even telling him goodbye when he went off to college? One of the biggest   
days of his life and I couldn't even be there for him. Why was I such a coward   
that all I could do was sneak a letter into his school supplies? Why was I such   
a wimp that I had to get Brian to take the box of supplies over to Mel and   
Lindsay's instead of taking it myself? Why can't I summon the courage to tell   
Brian why I have acted so badly? Why can't I summon the courage to call Gus and   
tell him the truth? How could I let him leave Pittsburgh thinking that I don't   
love him anymore? Why can't I tell them that I'm so sorry I screwed up?

Gus remembers

Last spring I ran the finishing touches to my plan to get my Dads happy post   
Prom memories to replace the horrible ones they had from when Uncle Justin was   
bashed at his High School Prom. It had worked out so great. They both had a   
wonderful time at the Prom and at home afterwards. Somehow my little scheme and   
its results made it into the local gay paper. Somehow Craig Taylor read the   
story. Actually I was to find out that he had followed everything about Uncle   
Justin's life from the day that he had realized what he had thrown away when he   
threw Uncle Justin out of his life. But for almost 15 years he never tried to   
contact Uncle Justin or let anyone know that he wanted to get back in Uncle   
Justin's life. Then he read the story about the Prom. Then he mentioned to   
Daphne's parents that he really missed having his son in his life. He told them   
how much he regretted his actions all of those years ago and how much he   
regretted not trying to get back into his son's life once he realized how   
mistaken he had been. Of course the next time Daphne came home to Pittsburgh her   
parents told her what Craig had told them. So when I honored my promise to   
Daphne and told her how my Prom plan had worked out she mentioned to me what her   
parents had told her about Craig Taylor. A light bulb immediately went off in my   
head. If Mr. Taylor wanted to get back into Uncle Justin's life then I was the   
do-gooder who would accomplish that goal. It had worked with my grandmom and Dad   
so I never even thought that it wouldn't work with Uncle Justin and his Dad. How   
could I have been so naive? I should have known that it wouldn't work? I should   
have known that shouldn't I? How could I not know how much I was going to hurt   
Uncle Justin? I should have known that the two situations were different. Dad   
would never have gotten back with his mother since he doesn't try to fix things   
but just goes on with his life. Uncle Justin on the other hand always tries to   
fix things. I should have known that if Uncle Justin hadn't tried to fix his   
relationship with his father in almost 20 years that it wasn't fixable. But no I   
just bullheaded my way into disaster. Uncle Justin you have to forgive me. I   
can't be happy without you in my life. I can't make Dad choose between us. I   
can't face the fact that I would lose if he had to make that choice. Why didn't   
I think about what I was doing before I did it?

Brian remembers

Why didn't I make Justin work things out with his father years ago? Why didn't I   
make Justin realize that his father was dead to him? If I had done either of   
those then Justin wouldn't have fallen so low when he ran into his father at   
that restaurant? Why wasn't I able to make Gus think twice about running his   
plans? Why didn't I ever make it clear to Gus that Craig was something that he   
should never bring up to Justin? Why can't I get through to Gus that Justin   
doesn't hate him? Why can't I get through to Justin how much he is hurting Gus?   
Why don't I just go find Craig and beat the living crap out of him for hurting   
the two most important people in my life? Why have I failed the two most   
important people in my life when they so desperately need me to get through this   
horrible time in their lives? Why did Gus think he could solve everyone's   
problems with no price to pay? Why is Justin acting like such a twat? Why can't   
I make Justin feel better? I know that he is totally miserable and he just can't   
fight his way back to normalcy. Why can't I help him like he has helped me so   
many times in the past? Why did this have to happen? Why haven't I been able to   
help Gus and Justin get past this mess?

Justin remembers

Why did just seeing my Dad with Gus and Katherine send me into such downward   
spiral? Why did I automatically think that he was using Gus to hurt me again?   
Why didn't I just sit down and ask him what he was doing sitting at the same   
table as my son? Why didn't I sit down and ask why he was being so friendly with   
the son of two sexual monsters? Why didn't I just sit down and ask him what he   
wanted? Why didn't I try to make up with him years ago? Why have I let his   
rejection of me simmer under my skin all of these years? Why didn't I listen to   
Brian and exorcise him from my life? Why have I been in pain anytime I remember   
the good times between us before I decided that I had to be me and went to   
Liberty Avenue looking for my destiny? Why did I let his mere presence send me   
into a horrible situation that I don't know how to get out of? How could I let a   
man who threw me out of his life, and made horrible comments about the love of   
my life affect me in this way? How can I still love this man who made it so   
obvious that I was worse than dog shit on his shoes just because the person I   
love most in this world is another man? Why did I let this man who wanted   
nothing to do with me for almost 20 years ruin one of the most important days of   
my son's life? Why haven't I had the courage to talk to Gus after Brian set me   
straight on what happened at the restaurant? Why am I sitting in the spare   
bedroom on a glorious Saturday night acting like a twat? Why aren't we in State   
College doing what we had planned on doing all summer?

Gus remembers 

Why did Katherine agree to help me with plan? Why didn't she make me think twice   
about what I was planning to do? Why am I trying to blame her for my actions?   
Why did I think that surprising Uncle Justin with his Dad was a sensible thing   
to do? Why didn't I just tell Uncle Justin that his Dad would like to talk to   
him about healing the rift between them? Why did I have to do one of my plans?   
Why didn't I listen to Dad when he told me a plan would misfire someday? This   
plan should have been obvious as the one that wouldn't work. What good is it   
doing me to just sit here and mope? I should open this letter and get it over   
with. I just can't bring up the courage to open a letter that is going to make   
official the fact that I have destroyed my life. How pathetic is that? I'm sure   
glad my roommate hasn't gotten here yet. It would be so embarrassing to have him   
here seeing me just staring at this envelope. I remember the conversation that   
started this disaster.

"Hello, Mr. Taylor, this is Gus Peterson-Marcus." 

"Should I know you?" 

"No but I know your son, Justin." 

"How do you know Justin, is there a problem with him?" 

"Uncle Justin is fine. My Dad, Brian Kinney, is his lover and I consider Uncle   
Justin to be my other Dad, he has been a part of my life for as long as I can   
remember." 

"What do you want young man? You have to know that I have had nothing   
to do with Justin since he took up with your father so many years ago against my   
expressed desires. He made his choice then and I have respected it since." 

"Yes I know that you and Uncle Justin haven't had any contact in pretty much my   
entire lifetime but I heard that you are interested in getting back in touch   
with Uncle Justin." 

"So you are telling me that you will help me get back into   
the life of my son?" 

"Only if I'm sure that you genuinely want to be a part of   
his life again knowing that my Dad is a part of that life." 

"Yes Gus I want my son in my life. You can't know how much I have regretted my stupidity in   
throwing him out of my life. It took too long but I eventually admitted to   
myself how wrong I was to condemn him for being who he was born to be. I have   
also regretted being afraid to contact him to make amends." 

"Could we meet somewhere?" 

"Anyplace or time you can meet is fine with me. I've wasted too many   
years. If it is at all possible I need to make it up to Justin." 

"Then we can meet tomorrow at 3 at the Northwest branch of the Pittsburgh Public Library.   
I'll be at the front desk with my girlfriend and I've been told all my life that   
I look like my Dad but with blond hair." 

"I'll be there, and thank you Gus for giving me this chance. I probably don't deserve the chance but I'll take it."

"See you tomorrow Mr. Taylor." 

"Goodbye Gus and thank you again." 

Brian remembers

I should have known something was up. Gus had the air of being up to something   
but I just put it off as his excitement over being so close to heading off to   
school. I know that he had been looking forward all summer to getting to be on   
his own for the first time in his life. There had to be times when he wished   
that he didn't have four parents. I know that he was looking forward to the days   
that Justin and I were planning on spending with him in State College. I should   
have known that he was planning something. Maybe I could have found out what he   
was up to and stopped it before disaster struck. Craig should have known better.   
Craig should have known that surprising Justin was the wrong way to go about   
getting back into Justin's life. I'm just assuming that Craig knew that it was a   
surprise. Did Gus tell Craig that it was a surprise meeting? Was Gus that   
foolish? No wonder Gus feels so bad. Gus should have known better. But when Gus   
or Justin get into that make someone happy mode they don't think about what can   
go wrong, just how happy everyone is going to be. Gus should have known better.   
I should have gotten through to him that he would fail someday. I should have   
known Gus was up to something. I should have been able to stop it before it   
happened. I should have known.

Justin remembers

Why didn't I figure out that Gus was up to something? Why didn't it set off   
warning bells when he invited me to that restaurant? Gus couldn't afford to eat   
at that restaurant. Why did Gus think there was any chance of my father and I   
being able to be in the same room without something bad happening? Why didn't   
Gus figure out that if I hadn't fixed things between my father and me in almost   
20 years that I didn't want to fix things? Gus knows that I'm the champion fixer   
upper of strained relationships. Gus should have known that my relationship with   
my father wasn't fixable or I would have fixed it years ago. Gus should have   
known better. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I should have acted like   
the 36-year-old adult that I am not like the 17-year-old child that stormed out   
of the restaurant without saying anything civil to anyone at that table. Why am   
I acting like such a stupid little faggot?

Gus remembers

Katherine and I met with Mr. Taylor at the Library on Tuesday. 

"Thank you for coming Mr. Taylor." 

"No problem young man and who is this lovely lady?" 

"This is Katherine Napoli. She has agreed to help me with getting you and Uncle Justin   
together." 

"Do you really think that Justin'll speak to me? Or just listen to   
me long enough for me to apologize. I hurt him so badly. I should have done   
something years ago but I was too proud to admit that I was wrong to throw him   
out of my life. I'm ashamed to admit that I blamed your father completely. I   
couldn`t have a queer son. Somebody had to corrupt him. How could I have been so   
stupid? Even when Justin was so close to dying I couldn`t swallow my pride   
enough to come to the hospital and see how he was doing. Even the last time I   
saw him I had to insult him and your father. Gus why do you think he'll be   
willing to see me?" 

"Uncle Justin is the best person I know. If he sees that you   
are truly sorry and want to work things out then he'll do his part. Uncle   
Justin is the most sympathetic person I know. While he has never said anything   
to me about you I know from things Grandma Jenn and Molly have said that he   
regrets not having you in his life. We just have to figure out how to get you in   
the same place at the same time and then it will work out from there." 

"Gus I have to admit that I knew who you were when you called." 

"What do you mean?"

"When I finally realized how wrong I had been regarding Justin I started   
following his life. While I never had the courage to contact him and try to make   
up for my actions I could keep track of his life and be proud of what he has   
accomplished. He has accomplished a lot in his life too. One of his greatest   
accomplishments is you Gus. He has been successful in business, and in the art   
world as well. I have bought several pieces of his artwork over the years. I   
just regret that I haven't been a part of his life and thus a part of yours.   
Jenn and Molly have let enough slip about you over the years that I been jealous   
of their relationships with you. Jenn had a grandson that I didn't have and   
Molly had the baby brother she always wanted. Well we had better make our final   
plans. Gus I would like to get to know you better no matter how things turn out   
with Justin." 

"Well things are going to turn out fine so I guess you have gained   
a grandson Mr. Taylor." 

"Well then I guess you had better call me grandpa." 

"Sure grandpa. I think that the best plan would be for me and Katherine to ask   
Uncle Justin to join us for one last dinner out on the town before I have to   
leave for State College a week from Friday. You can just be there with us when   
he arrives, then we`ll play it by ear after that." 

"What restaurant then?" 

"One where you will be comfortable." 

"The Colonial is one of my favorites. I'll make reservations for 1 tomorrow for four. I'll see you there then Gus. Good 

afternoon Katherine." 

"Goodbye grandpa."

Brian remembers

I should have realized something was up at supper when Gus and Katherine invited   
Justin to have dinner at the Colonial for a final time out on the town before   
Gus left for State College, especially when they didn't invite me. I shouldn't   
have bought the explanation that they wanted to have a date with Justin one day   
and me the next week. I should have known that the boy was up to one of his   
plans. I should have known that Gus couldn't afford the Colonial. I should have   
been able to figure out that disaster was looming over all of our heads. I   
should have handled the disaster better when it happened. I should have done   
better. 

Justin remembers

I should have known that Gus couldn't afford the Colonial. I should have smelled   
a rotten fish when Gus and Katherine came up with the lame excuse of inviting me   
out one day and Brian on another day. I was just so happy that Gus wanted to   
spend one more special meal with me before he left for college. I just thought   
of all the happy meals we had spent together. I had so enjoyed teaching him how   
to cook. I had so enjoyed talking to him about his day at school over whatever   
meal we were eating. I remember his look of disbelief when I told him the story   
behind homemade Jambalaya when he was 15. Why did I have to act so stupidly that I have put our relationship on   
such thin ice? Why can't I tell him that I still love him as much as I ever   
have? That I want him in my life just like always. I just hope he reads the   
letter and doesn't just throw it away unopened. Why couldn't I just have gone   
over to Mel and Lindsay's and brought him home and talked everything out? Why   
have I been such a coward? Will I ever see my son again? Have I blown it   
forever? Have I lost my son and blown any chance of getting my father back in my   
life as well? Why have I been so stupid? Why have I been such a coward?

Gus remembers

Uncle Justin agreed to meet us at the Colonial at one. It surprised me that he   
didn't question the choice of a restaurant I couldn't afford. I couldn't believe   
that I didn't think about the problem of Dad wanting to know why he wasn't   
invited to this special dinner. I had to thank Katherine later for her quick   
thinking in coming up with the idea that we would have a special dinner with   
just him the next week. When such obvious things don't make a plan backfire then   
that is usually a sign that the plan is destined to work out perfectly. So much   
for that stupid banality it proved to be about as true as 2 + 2 = 5. A plan   
couldn't blow up more than this one blew up. Uncle Justin won't speak to me or   
be in the same house with me. Grandpa has lost another chance to make up with   
Uncle Justin. Dad is caught in the middle trying to make everyone feel better.   
Mom and Mama don't know what to say to anyone. That is driving Mama crazy. I've   
ruined one of the most important relationships in my life and I'm risking the   
other one as well since Dad is bound to choose Uncle Justin over me when it   
finally boils down to the point where he has to choose. Grandma Jenn and Molly   
are mad at grandpa for going along with my stupid plan. Deb is so horrified that   
I hurt her Sunshine so badly that she hardly spoke to me when I was working my   
last shifts at the diner. I'm sitting in my dorm room, on the first night of my   
life living on my own, instead of going out on the town with the other guys on   
the floor. Everyone in my family is miserable because I tried to make Uncle   
Justin happy by getting him back with his father. Why did I think I could fix   
something that was obviously destined to not be fixed? Why was I so stupid? Why   
didn't I see the obvious?

Brian remembers

This was supposed to be one of the best times in our lives as a family. We were   
supposed to be in State College helping Gus settle in to his new life experience   
of living on his own. We were going to make his transition to living on his own   
as smooth as possible. Instead his transition is worse than mine was and I   
didn't think that was possible. While I was put on a bus and sent off to the   
unknown with just enough money in my pocket to survive long enough to find a job   
and then until the first paycheck. I was getting what I wanted. I wanted out   
of that house and to be on my own. Gus is on his own in the middle of a family   
crisis. He thinks that the most important man in his life no longer loves him. I   
may be vain but I know that Gus and Justin have always been closer than Gus and   
I. I know that Gus is just sitting in his room feeling miserable instead of   
having a night out with the other guys on his floor. I wish that I had been able   
to get through to him that Justin is disappointed in himself not with Gus. I   
wish that I could get through to Justin that we forgive him for acting human for   
once. Instead of Justin and I spending the night in joyful bliss in State   
College and Gus getting to know his floor mates and how to have a good time   
while going to school we're all miserable. Gus is sitting alone in his room   
trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Justin is sitting in the spare   
bedroom trying to figure out where everything went wrong. I'm wandering around   
the house trying to figure out if it would do anyone any good if I were to go   
hunt Craig Taylor up and beat the snot out of him. To be fair Craig is probably   
miserable blaming himself for being so stupid as to go along with Gus' plan. It   
is just a miserable night for everyone involved. Why can't I make things better   
for those I love?

Justin remembers

Why am I sitting in this room all alone? I've done what I've done and nothing   
will take it back. Gus is miserable thinking that he has disappointed me for the   
first time in his life. Brian is miserable because he hasn't been able to get me   
out of my funk. I'm miserable because I've been such a complete fool. I   
shouldn't have jumped to conclusions based on nothing more than seeing my Dad   
sitting at a table with my son. I should just get up from this chair; go find   
Brian and let him fuck me silly. Sex always solved most of our problems why   
shouldn't it solve this one. Besides we haven't had sex since this whole mess   
started, he is probably about to explode. Even when I'm acting like a complete   
twat I know that Brian loves me. I have put him into a terrible position, he has   
to support me but then I have been such a complete ass towards Gus and he has to   
stand up for his son. I'm tearing this family apart because I'm such a chicken   
shit coward. I heard Katherine tell Brian that Deb has been insufferable to Gus.   
Doesn't Deb know that I'm the one at fault not Gus? Sometimes storm clouds cover   
up the sunshine? I have to get on with my life. I have to hope that Gus'll   
read the letter and forgive me. I have to believe that things will get back to   
normal because if they don't I'll never be able to forgive myself for ruining   
our family because I was such a stupid childish twat. I have to go find Brian   
and make him believe that things are getting back to normal. I have to get him   
in bed and in me so that things can start to get back to normal. Things have to   
get back to normal. Gus has to read that letter and he has to believe what I   
wrote and he has to forgive me. But I have to stand up and go find Brian. I have   
to stand up and go find Brian. 

Gus remembers 

Katherine and I were early for the reservation at the Colonial but grandpa   
joined us in a few minutes. We were sitting at the table waiting for the waiter   
to bring our drinks when Uncle Justin arrived. The maitre'd brought Uncle Justin   
to the table. Luckily grandpa had thought to make the reservation in my name.

Uncle Justin looked at the three of us, got the strangest look on his face and   
then all hell broke loose. I don't know if I had ever heard him use such   
language. 

"You fucking bastard what the god damn hell are you doing sitting at a   
table with my son? What the fuck are you trying to accomplish? Gus how could   
this bastard fool you. Special dinner my fucking ass. Well Dad I'm still a   
fucking queer; you still have a fucking queer for a son. You don't even want to   
think about how many times I've been fucked since you threw me away for being a   
fucking queer. Gus how could you trick me into meeting with this fucking   
bastard. How could you let this god damn son of a bitch fool you into tricking   
me into coming here. Gus how could you disappoint me so god damn fucking much."

 

Then he turned on his heel and stormed out. The entire dining room was   
completely silent. The Colonial probably had never heard such a diatribe with   
such foul language. I never in a million years thought that Uncle Justin would   
react in such a manner. I just sat there in disbelief. Then it sank in Uncle   
Justin was totally disgusted with me for tricking him into meeting with his   
father. He was so angry with me that he didn't even give me a chance to explain.   
He just stormed away as fast as he could. How was I going to explain to Dad what   
I had done? 

"Gus I'm so sorry that happened. I should have known better. I   
should have met with him on my own. God knows he had reason to talk to me like   
that but he shouldn't have included you that was my fault. Well I guess I have   
my answer, through my own stupidity and cowardice I truly threw a perfect son   
away. Gus don't worry about it. Justin'll get over it soon enough, he won't   
blame you once you explain that you weren't trying to trick him. Tell him that I   
won't bother him ever again. Tell him how sorry I'm that I was such an idiot   
all those years ago. Good luck at Penn State. If you ever need anything from me   
feel free to ask. Katherine I think you probably better drive, Gus looks pretty   
shell shocked." 

"Don't worry Mr. Taylor I'll get him home. Come on Gus we had   
better get going. We're going to have to explain to your Dad what has   
happened." 

How could I have been so stupid? How could I not know that Uncle   
Justin was going to be upset? But there is no way I would have ever expected   
Uncle Justin to act so totally out of character. Grandpa must have hurt him even   
more than any of us ever guessed. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I   
see the obvious? Why did I let my expectations cloud my view of reality?

 

Brian remembers

I knew that something had gone wrong when Justin's assistant called Cynthia to   
find out if she knew why Justin hadn't come back from dinner. Cynthia had   
immediately buzzed me to find out if I knew anything. Justin never missed a   
meeting. Justin was never late getting back to work. Justin ran the art   
department of our family company with the greatest of ease. For him to not come   
back to work after dinner meant something terrible had happened. I thought about   
calling the police to see if there had been an accident but just then Gus and   
Katherine showed up at Cynthia's desk asking if they could see me. Cynthia has   
been with me since before Gus was born so she knew immediately that something   
had happened and sent them in without any delay. Gus looked like he was ready   
burst into tears and roll into a fetal ball. Katherine looked shell shocked as   
well. 

"Gus what is the matter, you look like someone died. Where is Justin, has   
there been an accident?" 

"I don't know where he is. He stormed out of the restaurant when he saw grandpa was with us. I've never heard Uncle Justin 

use such language. Dad he hates me. He thinks I tricked him into meeting with grandpa. He thinks that grandpa tricked me into 

tricking him." 

"Grandpa, who are you talking about, you don't have a grandpa?" 

"I do now, Uncle Justin's Dad, Craig Taylor. I met with him when I found out that he wanted to get back into Uncle Justin's 

life. It was my idea that the four of us meet at the restaurant.   
I never thought that Uncle Justin would freak just seeing grandpa at the same   
table with me." 

" Oh My God, of all the boneheaded things you could have done   
Gus. Fucking Craig Taylor is the only person in the world that Justin couldn't   
deal with rationally. No wonder he freaked. Don't you remember what that asshole   
did to Justin, didn't anyone tell you or did you just forget that he threw   
Justin away when Justin wouldn't deny who he was just because it didn't fit in   
god damn fucking Craig Taylor's view of what a son should be? Gus I told you   
that one-day one of your plans would backfire. You are just going to have to   
live with the consequences. You should have known better than to trick Justin   
into meeting with his father. If that relationship was fixable Justin would have   
done so long ago." 

"Grandpa told me that he was sorry for everything he did in   
the past and wanted to make it up to Uncle Justin. He is sorry for what he did   
and he is sorry because he didn't try to make up with Uncle Justin before now.   
Dad what have I done, Uncle Justin was so mad. I don't know what I'll do if he   
doesn't forgive me. I can't imagine what I'll do if Uncle Justin doesn't want   
me in his life anymore." 

"Gussy, Justin can never hate you. Once he calms down he'll tell you so himself. Just go on home and we will get things 

settled at supper." 

"OK Dad I'm so sorry I was so stupid." 

"Gus we're all stupid sometimes, you don't want to know how many times I did something just as stupid. It will be OK." 

"Are you sure Dad, he was so infuriated. He was shouting so loud   
that everyone in the restaurant could hear him. I've never heard him use the f   
word before but he was so furious that I almost didn't know who he was."

"Katherine get him home safely, everything will work out all right. Don't worry   
I know my Sunshine." 

But Justin didn't come home that Wednesday night.

Justin remembers

I can't ever remember being so angry. I saw my Dad sitting at the table with Gus   
and Katherine acting like any normal grandfather and grandson. But it wasn't   
normal, the man threw me away like so much soiled toilet paper, how dare he   
trick my son into getting me to meet with him. What did he want to do hurt my   
son by rejecting me again? I really don't remember what I said to them. I just   
remember the horrified expression on Gus' face as whatever it was I was saying   
sunk in. I just had to get out of there before I physically attacked the bastard   
that fathered me. All I could remember was the last time we had seen each other.   
What he had said to me that I could never ever in a million years forgive. If we   
hadn't met that day on Liberty Avenue then he wouldn't have said what he said   
and maybe I could have forgiven him for throwing me away. Maybe I could have   
forgiven him for never checking on me when I was in the hospital fighting for my   
life. But I could never ever forgive him for what he said that day on the street   
when we ran into each other by sheer coincidence. I stormed out of the   
restaurant and just walked down the street until I found a bar. After an hour or   
two I moved on down the street to another bar. The third or fourth bar turned   
out to be a gay bar that I had never been to before. Since I had never been   
there I didn't know anyone else there and no one there knew me. It suited me   
perfectly I was in a bar that I could be comfortable in yet I didn't have to   
worry about word of my whereabouts getting back to Brian. I simply wasn't ready   
to go home and face Gus. I couldn't believe how I had hurt him for just trying   
to make things better between my father and me. But I just couldn't go home and   
face the music yet. I didn't know where I was so I didn't know where my car was.   
I didn't want to call anyone to come and get me since that would be even more   
evidence on how bad I had failed that day. So I just sat in that gay Bar and   
drank until they threw me out at closing. Luckily there was a motel across the   
street and I had a place to spend the night. I should have gone home and faced   
the music but I acted like a coward, got drunk and didn't go home until Thursday   
night. I had never missed a day of work without calling in to tell someone that   
I wouldn`t be there. That was something else that went by the board because I   
didn't show up to work and I didn't call in to let anyone know I wasn't coming.   
Gus and Brian were falling apart waiting for me to show up when I finally   
deigned to go home. How could I have been so selfish? When I finally get home do   
I apologize to my loved ones for putting them through hell? No I proceed to tell   
Gus to get out of my sight and then I tried to be funny with Brian by reminding   
him of one of the bad times in our relationship. How could I have been such a   
stupendous ass? How could I hurt my son and partner so much over such a small   
incident?

Gus remembers

Dad was so sure that Uncle Justin would be home for supper and everything would   
work out. Uncle Justin never showed up. Uncle Justin never called. Dad became   
more and more frantic. He tried to keep a cool face for me but I knew how   
worried he was. Uncle Justin never acted like this and Dad didn't know what to   
do. I just fretted over how badly I had messed up. I didn't know what to do   
either. I was afraid to say anything to Dad because I didn't want to remind him   
that it was my fault. Finally he sent me to bed, I'm practically 19-years-old   
and I was sent to bed by my father like a 3-year-old. I didn't say a word I just   
went to my room. Of course the first thing I saw was the painting of me from the   
old mural Uncle Justin had painted on my bedroom wall back when they first moved   
into this house. He painted this wonderful mural for me when I was six and then   
had no problems covering it up when I was 12 and thought I was too old for a   
mural of a petting zoo. How could I ruin the relationship that had been so good   
for me? How could I be such an idiot? Why hadn't I followed him out of the   
restaurant and explained the situation? Why didn't he come home? Why didn't he   
call and let us know he was all right? How am I going to survive if he doesn't   
come home? How am I going to look my Dad in the eye if his lover never comes   
home because of my actions? How am I going to survive if Uncle Justin doesn't   
love me anymore? The next day was the worst of my life. Uncle Justin hadn't come   
home, hadn't called home or work. It was like he disappeared from the face of   
the earth. I wanted to call the family and have them start looking for Uncle   
Justin. Dad didn't think that Uncle Justin would appreciate us sending the dogs   
out looking for him. Dad was slowly falling apart. I never believed the stories   
that he tried to chase Uncle Justin away before finally admitting how much he   
loved him. They had always been together in my memories and they had always been   
so much in love. I had ruined everything by being so stupid. If Uncle Justin   
didn't come home then Dad would have fallen into some deep emotional hole. How   
in name of God did I screw things up so horribly? How would I live with myself   
knowing that I had ruined everything? 

Around 6 PM Uncle Justin came walking in the door. He looked like hell. His clothes were totally mussed, his hair was a 

disaster and he looked like he had been drinking since the moment he left the restaurant. Dad just lit up when he realized 

who had walked back into the house.   
I just collapsed into myself when he looked at me and said. 

"Get out of my sight you fucking twink." 

I ran from the room as fast as I could but I could hear Dad   
and Uncle Justin talking. 

"Justin what are you doing? Gus has been worried sick   
about you." 

"I don't give a fuck about what the little shit thinks, did he think   
about what I would feel like when I saw that bastard of a father sitting at his   
table?" 

I just got away as fast as I could and slammed my door and then I just   
sobbed myself to sleep on my bed. How am I going to survive not having the love   
of Uncle Justin in my life? Friday Dad knocked on my door and told me that it   
would be best if I were to spend the remainder of my time in Pittsburgh at Mom   
and Mama's house. That I had better plan on going to State College by myself. I   
can never remember seeing Dad looking so bad as he did that morning. I have   
ruined everything I love. Uncle Justin hates me. Dad is miserable because he is   
in the middle. Mom and Mama don't know what to do. Mama has always preferred   
Uncle Justin to Dad and Mom favored Dad to Uncle Justin. I don't mean that they   
didn't love the other one just that if push came to shove they would have to   
stand by one or the other and they would be on opposite sides of the battle. So   
I messed up that part of the family as well. If I could just go back in time I   
would. I have to get the courage to open this letter so that it will be finally   
over. Uncle Justin'll tell me that he wants nothing more to do with me. Then I   
can call Dad and tell him that I understand that he has to choose Uncle Justin   
over me. That I'll stay out of their lives as much as possible. That he and   
Uncle Justin have to get their lives back to normal, just without me in them.   
Why did I screw up? Why was I such a cockeyed optimist? Why was I such an idiot? 

Brian remembers

I thought I would go out of my mind. Justin didn't come home Wednesday night and   
he didn't come home Thursday. Gus thought we should send the family out looking   
for Justin. I vetoed that since I knew Justin wouldn't appreciate being found. I   
knew he would show up eventually I was just so worried when it kept getting   
later and later in the day and he hadn't come home. Finally around 6 he came   
walking in the door looking like total shit. The first thing he did was snap at   
Gus. 

"Get out of my sight you fucking twink." 

Gus just turned white as sheet and ran out of the room. I couldn't believe what I had just heard.   
"Justin what are you doing? Gus has been worried sick about you."   
"I don't give a fuck about what the little shit thinks, did he think about what I would feel like when I saw that bastard of 

a father sitting at his table?" 

"No Gus didn't think about it he just thought that you would realize that your Dad wanted to be back in your life and that 

you would sit down and talk to him." 

"Well he sure thought wrong didn't he?" 

"Justin where have you been? We have been worried sick?" 

"Well Brian I was in some gay bar, the guys kept buying me drinks. They wanted to fuck me. I guess I still have my looks. But 

I said no I was saving that for someone special." 

I couldn't believe that he threw that back in my face after so many years. I never   
thought that Justin could allow himself to be in such pain again. What did that   
bastard do to him that I don't know about? This reaction just didn't fit what   
had happened the day before. 

"Justin lets get you into the shower and cleaned up." 

"You just want to fuck me too. I'm perfectly capable of taking a shower by   
myself. I'll sleep in the spare room since I don't want any Kinney near me   
right now. I don't want to see Gus. Send him to the Munchers or I'll go   
somewhere myself." 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This wasn't my Justin. 

"OK Justin I'll tell him in the morning. Justin talk to me, we have to get   
past whatever is hurting you so much." 

"Just leave me alone Brian, I feel like shit and it is your meddling son's fault." 

With that hurtful comment he went to the spare room, luckily it was on the opposite side of the house from Gus's room. I 

called Lindsay and filled her in with as little information as I could   
get away with. Mainly I told her that Gus would have to spend his last week   
before leaving for Penn State with them since Justin was having a breakdown of   
some kind and the sight of Gus was more than he could stand. I know that Justin   
has to be hurting beyond belief for him to be so nasty to Gus. He has loved that   
boy with all of his heart almost since that day he ran into the Munchers on   
Liberty Avenue and they invited him home with them and he played with Gus for   
the very first time.

 

Justin remembers

I don't know what was wrong with me. I kept saying the wrong things. Instead of   
begging for forgiveness for putting them through the hell of not knowing where I   
was I just made nasty comments to Gus. I scared the shit out of him. I made an   
18-year-old run for his bedroom like a 3-year-old. I told Brian horrible lies   
and then told him that I don't want to have him near me. What I really wanted   
was for him to slap me out of this funk I'm in and make me see reality. Then I   
wanted him to fuck me senseless so that I could forget how stupid I had been   
acting. What the hell was my problem? I want him to hold me tight and show me   
that he still loves me even when I'm acting like a complete idiot. Yet I go   
storming off to the spare room and shut him out. What the fuck was wrong with   
me?

Gus remembers

I don't know how I made it through the week. I couldn't remember a day without   
talking to Uncle Justin let alone a whole week. Everything that could go wrong   
went wrong. I couldn't do anything right at the diner. Deb blamed me for making   
Uncle Justin miserable. Of course she was right it was my fault. Uncle Justin   
still wouldn't let me come home. Dad got more frustrated every day. Everyone at   
the Kinney-Taylor Agency was upset over the obvious problems between Dad and   
Uncle Justin. How could I have ruined everyone's lives? Mom and Mama didn't know   
what to say to me. Even Katherine didn't know what to say to me about the mess   
I've made of my life. Thursday afternoon Dad brought the last of my stuff from   
the house. He tried to make me feel better but I just couldn't make myself   
believe what he was saying. 

"Gus you have to believe me, Justin isn't really mad at you. Justin is just so mad at himself he can't see straight. Just 

give him some time and things will get back to normal. I haven't handled this mess the way I should have. Justin's actions 

just threw me for a loop and I didn't know   
what to do. Gus you didn't do anything wrong and Justin'll tell you so as soon   
as he gets over this overwhelming pain he is suffering," 

"Dad I'm to blame for the whole mess. I just wanted to make Uncle Justin and Grandpa happy. I don`t know why I thought I 

could get them back together. I`ll just go to State College   
tomorrow and the two of you don`t have to deal with me." 

"Gus that isn't what I want and it isn't what Justin wants. He'll get over this; he is much too   
strong for this situation to continue. Just give him time. Gus forgive yourself   
as well. Go to school, enjoy yourself, and when you miss us come home.   
Everything will be the same as it always was." 

"Dad I know you mean well but things can never be the same. Uncle Justin hates me and never wants to see me again. I won't 

put you in the position of having to choose." 

"Gus just give it time." 

I couldn't take anymore-false hope so I just ran to my room. For an   
almost 19-year-old I have been spending a lot of time in my room. I have to open   
that letter and get it over with.

 

Brian remembers

I haven't had such a miserable week since Justin was bashed. Why did I handle   
this mess so poorly? Why didn't I just force Justin to realize how stupidly he   
was acting? Why didn't I make him come to our bed and just sleep next to me? If   
we had just been in the same bed he would have gotten over his pain sooner. He   
stayed in the spare room all week; I don't think he slept more than a few hours   
a night. He barely ate, he went to work and he did what absolutely had to be   
done but nothing else. He looked like hell, I don't know if he showered the   
entire week. The entire staff walked on pins and needles all week just waiting   
for the blowup between Justin and me to occur. Every time I tried to bring up   
Gus he would walk out of the room. Wednesday night I had my fill of this   
nonsense. I had to talk to someone before I killed Justin or myself. So I called   
my longtime safety net. Michael's cell wasn't in service. Nobody answered at his   
apartment. Finally I called his comic book store. The clerk who answered the   
phone told me that Michael and Emmett had gone to a comic convention in Atlantic   
City and wouldn't be back to Pittsburgh before Sunday night. He offered to give   
me a number to reach Michael but I declined since talking on the phone wouldn't   
have helped any. I still had to talk to someone though. Ted was out since Justin   
would gut me if he thought I told Ted personal stuff. Deb was too partial to   
Justin to be fair. Jennifer was the same. Molly was busy with her new baby. That   
left Melanie and Lindsay. So I went over to their house hoping to find Lindsay.   
Mel and I get along but Lindsay has always understood me more than anyone else   
other than Justin and Michael. Mel was the only one home. I still had to talk to   
someone so Melanie was going to have to suffer and listen to me. She and Lindsay   
were already suffering though since Gus was being almost as much a pain to them   
as Justin was being to me. How in God's name did this mess get so overblown? 

"Lindsay took Gus to a movie. She is trying to lighten his mood. What is going   
on over at your house Brian? Gus hasn't spent this much time with us in years. I   
can't remember a time when Justin hasn't called everyday. Gus was never this   
morose even during puberty. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. If   
the sun didn't come up in the morning he would take the blame. He came home from   
work early today. He had obviously been crying. He said Deb jumped him about   
making Justin miserable and then sent him home since he was useless. I called   
Deb and asked her what her problem was? She didn't have a clue; she said all she   
did was to ask Gus how Justin was handling Gus' going off to college. She said   
that Gus just burst into tears and ran into the storeroom. She sent him home   
because he couldn't wait tables while he was sobbing out of control. What the   
fuck happened?" 

"Gus tried to get Justin back with his father. Justin exploded when he saw Craig at the same table as Gus and Katherine. 

Justin walked out of the restaurant without giving Gus a chance to explain. He didn't come home forover 24 hours and when he 

did he was very hung over and told Gus to get out of his sight. Justin has been totally miserable ever since. I can't get him 

out of   
his funk. Gus blames himself for the whole mess, Justin blames himself and I'm   
caught in the middle. I'm almost ready to kill Justin. I can't get through to   
him how much damage he is causing. I sent Gus here because Justin threatened to   
leave the house if Gus was in it. I should have called his bluff but I panicked.   
Justin is staying in the spare room, he is barely sleeping and eating and I   
don't think he has bathed since he came home from his drunk. Mel I don't know   
what to do. I've told Gus that Justin doesn't really blame him and to just give   
it time. But I don't think Gus believed me. He thinks that Justin hates him and   
doesn't want him in his life. This was supposed to be one of the best weeks of   
Gus' life and instead it has become one of the worst for all of us. If Justin   
doesn't straighten up soon I don't know what I'm going to do. Everyone at work   
thinks that we're fighting and expects something bad to happen. I'm just hoping   
that once Gus gets to State College he'll be able to get out of his misery. I   
don't know what to do about Justin. I've never seen him act like this let alone   
act the same way for so long. I'm having problems sleeping without him in the   
bed. I can't believe how much I miss him, and he is in the house, but it is like   
he is a million miles away. I can't decide if I should hunt Craig Taylor up and   
beat the crap out of him. The problem with that is that I know that he has to be   
feeling miserable too since he knows that he is the cause of all of this   
heartache. The worst part is that for the first time in 20 years he was trying   
to do the right thing by Justin. Any ideas Mel? Thanks for listening I do feel   
somewhat better." 

"Brian, what can I say but to give Justin time. There must be   
something that we don't know. Justin just doesn't fall apart like this for no   
good reason. Don't do anything drastic though, if he is as unstable as you say   
you don't want to risk his leaving Pittsburgh. Justin is a reasonable guy he has   
to know what he is doing to himself as well as you and Gus. He'll pull himself   
out of wherever he is right now. We'll keep Gus away from Justin until he leaves   
Friday for State College. I think that Lindsay and I'll pay him a visit the   
next weekend though to make sure that he is settling into college life." 

"That sounds reasonable to me Mel. I probably better get home before he misses me,   
that is if he even realizes that I`m not in the house." 

"Brian you have to know that Justin isn't doing any of this on purpose. What did Craig Taylor do to him that we don't know 

about?" 

"I wish I knew. Thanks for letting me spill my guts. Tell Gus that I'll see him before he leaves for State College." 

 

"Goodbye Brian, and good luck with Justin." "Thanks Mel, ask Linds if she has any   
suggestions. I love them both too much to see them suffer so much over such a   
small misunderstanding." 

Thursday night Justin actually came to our bedroom. 

"Brian I found some of Gus' school supplies. You need to take them to him   
tonight." 

"Why don't you take them to him?" 

"Brian I still don't want to see him, I'm afraid of what I'll say and I've said enough already that I regret."

"Justin Gus thinks that you hate him." 

"I'm so sorry about what I've done but I still can't see him yet Brian." 

"Justin what did your Dad do that I don't know about?" 

"What do you mean?"   
"You have totally overreacted to seeing your Dad with Gus so there has to be something else bothering you." 

"Just take this stuff to Gus and leave me alone. I'll see you tomorrow at work." 

Another night of trying to sleep alone. I just grabbed the box of school supplies and stormed   
out. I just didn't know what to do. Justin knew that things were terribly messed   
up but he still couldn't get back to normal, but he was trying. That fact made   
me feel somewhat better. I drove over to Mel and Lindsay's and gave the supplies   
to Gus. 

"Gus your Uncle Justin sent these for you. You do have room for another   
box in your Jeep don't you?" 

"Sure Dad, is he going to come see me off in the morning?" 

"I wouldn't count on in Sonnyboy but I'll be here. He is trying Gus   
but he still is in great pain for some reason. In the long run this will be good   
for Justin whatever it is that has hurt him so badly is out in the open and now   
we can make it go away. Just remember Gus Justin doesn't hate you. You are his   
son as much as you are my son and he loves you with all of his heart. He regrets   
how much pain he has caused all of us." 

"Don't try to sugar coat things Dad I know that I blew everything." 

"Gus you didn't' either everything will be back to normal in no time." 

"If you say so Dad. I love you, tell Uncle Justin that I   
love him too even if he hates me." 

"Gus." 

"Goodnight Dad I'll see you in the morning." 

When I got home I looked in on Justin since he was sound asleep I   
didn't bother him, he needed the sleep. Of course with Justin still not sleeping   
beside me I didn't sleep worth a damn. Why did I let things get so out of hand?   
What did Craig Taylor do that I don't know?

Justin remembers

I don't really remember what happened during the past week. I didn't sleep to   
speak of, I barely ate, I went to work but I have no idea what I did there. I   
still refused to see Gus or let him come home. How could I have been such a   
heartless ass? How could I let such a small thing that happened so long ago ruin   
my entire family's life? Wednesday Brian left the house for an hour or so. I   
think he was about ready to kill me. I certainly wouldn't have blamed him if he hadn't come home. While he was out I gathered 

the courage to write the letter to Gus that I then put it   
at the bottom of a box of his school supplies. Thursday I made Brian take the   
box to Gus. Since then I have just been hoping that Gus would read the letter   
instead of throwing it away unopened. Why have I been such a coward? It is so   
out of character for me to hide in the spare room like a little scared fairy.   
Gus has been in State College for hours, why hasn't he called? Why hasn't he   
read the letter and called me? Did he throw it away unopened? God why have I   
been such a twat? Why didn't I just sit down at that table and talk to Gus and   
my Dad? Why did I walk out like an idiot and go get drunk? Why hasn't Gus   
called? Why have I made everyone miserable? I have to accept that I've ruined my   
relationship with my beloved son. I have to make sure that I haven't ruined by   
my relationship with Brian. I'm going to get cleaned up, that will probably take   
an hour since I don't even remember the last time I bathed, then I'm going to   
march to our bedroom and hope that he'll still be interested in me. Why have I   
acted like such a fool? Why hasn't Gus called yet? I have my cell phone in my   
hand, I've set it for speaker so that Brian'll be able to hear whatever Gus   
has to say, assuming he actually calls and has anything to say to me. 

"Brian I'm so sorry for acting like such a twat. Do you still love me?" 

"How can you ask that? Get your beautiful ass over here." 

"God Brian what have I done? I don't remember anything. Except how much I've hurt you and Gus. Did I really tell him I didn't 

want to see him? Did I really run him out of his home? Did Ireally   
refuse to see him leave for college? Have I really been such an idiot?" 

"Yes Justin to all of them. But you are back and everything will work out over time." 

"I hope so Brian. I've been such a twat. If Gus doesn't forgive me I don't know   
what I'll do. I love him almost as much as I love you and I have done my best to   
ruin my relationship with both of you." 

"Hush Justin, just forget it and let things get back to normal. I have missed you being in bed with me so much. I haven't 

been able to sleep with you not being here. But you are out of your funk and things will get back to normal." 

"I hope so, I hope so. But Gus hasn`t called yet, so he probably threw my letter away unopened."   
"Letter, what letter?" 

"I couldn't drag up the courage to talk to him and to explain why I   
have been acting like such an idiot so while you were out last Wednesday I wrote   
him a letter explaining everything. I hid it in the school supplies since I was   
too much of a coward to even give him the letter face to face let alone talk to   
him. But he should have found it long ago and if he read it he should have   
called me, either to accept my apologies or to tell me to go to hell. He must   
have thrown it away unopened. OH GOD Brian I have thrown my son away just like   
my Dad threw me away." 

"Justin you have not thrown Gus away. Your Dad is still interested in trying to get back in your life Justin." 

"Well I'm not ready for that yet. Gus why haven`t you called, I have to apologize. Gus you have to forgive me." 

"Justin he'll forgive you but he thinks that you have to forgive   
him, he blames himself for everything." 

"You mean I've hurt him even more than I thought. No wonder he hasn't called, he does hate me and I can't blame him." 

"JUSTIN KINNEY-TAYLOR he doesn't hate you any more than you hate him. Just give   
him some time and everything will work out." 

"Do you really think so?" 

"Yes or I wouldn't say it. Now get into this bed. I`ve missed you so much." 

"I've missed this too Brian, how could I have risked all of my life just because of some   
comment my Dad made to me on the street 18 years ago." 

"What did he say?" 

"Maybe some other time Brian, just make love to me." 

For a few hours life was almost normal. Brian finally fell asleep but I lay there thinking about everything I had done in the 

past week. How could I have been so stupid? How could I stay so   
stupid for so long? How could I risk my life with Brian? How could I hurt my son   
so much that he has decided that it is best for all of us to get out of my life?   
How could I have been so incredibly stupid?

RING, RING, RING, RING

"Hello" 

"Uncle Justin"

Gus remembers

I stared at that letter for so long that I finally fell asleep in my desk chair.   
I woke up at 3AM and it was just lying on the desk. I finally gathered the   
courage and opened it, I had to know for sure that my life as I knew it was   
over. I couldn't believe what I was reading. When I finished I did as Uncle   
Justin asked.

RING, RING, RING, RING

"Hello"   
"Uncle Justin"

Brian remembers

Friday night Justin finally came to his senses. He cleaned himself up. He came   
to our bedroom and tried to explain why he had acted the way he had the past   
week. I didn't care what he was saying just that he was back to normal. We then   
made love for hours and like always he wore me out. My Sunshine was back in my   
life, now all we had to do was get Sonnyboy back there as well.

RING, RING, RING, RING

"Hello"   
"Uncle Justin"

Justin remembers

Gus hadn't thrown the letter away. Gus hadn't thrown our relationship away. Gus   
had been afraid to read the letter because he thought that it was going to tell   
him that I didn't want him in my life. How did I mess us up so badly. But I lucked   
out and my life and my loved ones will get back to normal. Gus has forgiven me.   
Brian has forgiven me. I just have to forgive myself. I told Gus that we had to   
forget that the last week occurred. That he wasn't to come home any sooner than   
he would have if everything had gone according to our plans. He has to enjoy his   
life at Penn State. He can come home when he gets homesick or when there is   
nothing going on in State College that he wants to see. But he isn't to come   
home just because of the stupidity I put the family through. When he comes home   
will be soon enough to work out the mess. I lucked out; I behaved like an idiot   
but my life survived because of the love of my family. I still can't bear the   
thought of being in the same room with my Dad but I won't stand in the way of he   
and Gus developing a relationship if that is what Gus wants. The most important   
thing is that Gus still loves me. He still thinks of me as his father. As stupid   
as I behaved I still have my family.

Gus remembers

I woke up at 3AM and finally gathered the courage to open the letter from Uncle   
Justin. I was expecting the worst but instead he insisted that the whole mess   
was his fault. I couldn't believe what I was reading but I was so overjoyed to   
read it that I almost burst into tears again. I'll have the letter laminated   
and save it forever, unless Uncle Justin wants me to destroy it. My Uncle Justin   
still loves me as a son. I'll remember these words forever. 

 

Gussy

I can't tell you how much it hurts me to realize the pain I have put you and   
your father through this past week. Gus it has been my fault entirely. You did   
nothing wrong. I don't really remember much of what I did or said during the   
past week but I do know that I hurt you terribly. I said horrible things to you   
and made your father send you away from your home. I made him send you away not   
because I didn't want to see you but because I didn't want you to see me. I   
should have faced you and explained what happened that day at the restaurant.   
Instead I have been afraid to see you for fear that you would be disgusted with   
me and never want to see me again. Gus I want things to be the same as they have   
always been between us. I'm so sorry for everything. I ruined your last week   
before you left for college. I ruined our plans for your first weekend in State   
College. I need to tell you why I freaked at the sight of my father sitting with   
you and Katherine. But Gus no matter whether you forgive me or not you can't   
tell your father anything about what I`m about to tell you. One of the problems   
that I suffered from after the bashing was a fear of being around other people   
and being touched by anyone. Your father spent hours and hours over weeks   
helping me get over the bashing. He helped me become able to let others touch   
me. We walked hand in hand all over the Liberty Avenue neighborhoods. Finally he   
would let me walk by myself to meet him. Eventually I was able to go out on my   
own with out completely freaking. One day I was taking you home, I was pushing   
you in your stroller when by complete coincidence we ran into my father. He was   
down there for some business meeting. He was very impressed with you, I think he   
was hoping that you were my son and that would prove that I wasn't really queer.   
Of course you were way too old to be a child of mine. I made the mistake of   
asking him why he hadn't come to see me at the hospital. 

"Justin you chose the life you wanted." 

"You mean I chose to be hit in the head with a baseball bat?" 

"No Justin I never wanted you to be hurt. I just wanted you to realize how wrong   
you were to go with that fucking Kinney." 

"That fucking Kinney stayed in the hospital for three days without leaving because he was so worried about me. Where were 

you? That fucking Kinney came and watched me sleep every night I was   
in the hospital. Where were you? That fucking Kinney has spent countless hours   
helping me get past the problems I developed from being hit in the head with a   
baseball bat. Where have you been? The only reason I'm out in public without   
freaking out is because that fucking Kinney has walked with me for miles and   
miles. Where have you been? When I was lying on the floor of that parking garage   
bleeding my life away that fucking Kinney called 911 and held me and staunched   
the blood. Where were you? Even though I got hit in the head with a baseball bat   
I'm still queer it didn't knock any sense into me. Would that have made you   
happy?" 

"What would have made me happy is if Hobbs had hit that fucking Kinney   
in the head and sprayed his brains all over the parking garage, then you would   
have come to your senses and come home." 

"As much pain as you have put me through Dad you have finally gone too far, I could forgive you for throwing me out of your 

life, I could forgive you for not coming to see if I would live or   
die. I cannot forgive what you just said. I never want to see you again. I never   
want to hear your voice again. You are dead to me." 

So Gus I hope you can see why I freaked when I saw him again after so many years. That conversation is as clear to me today 

as it was when he said it. So to see him there with you after so many years of not even thinking of him was more than I could 

handle. I'm not   
sorry for anything I said to him but I'm terribly sorry for anything I said and   
did to you. Gus I'm so sorry for everything. I want things to go back to where   
they were but I'll abide with whatever you decide is right for you. If you are   
willing to forgive me for the pain I have caused you; call me. 

Justin 

 

I don't think I ever dialed a phone quicker than I did after I finished the   
letter. Everything is going to be normal. It will just take some time. Uncle   
Justin still loves me.


	2. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

EARLY OCTOBER 2020

GUS’ THOUGHTS 

I, Gus Peterson-Marcus am in deep shit. I’m chained to a u-bolt fastened into the wall of a vacation cabin, that has seen 

better days, with a chain just long enough to allow me access to the bathroom and shower. My only clothing is a pair of 

shorts that open with snaps on the side so I can take a shower without getting them wet. The shorts had obviously come from 

some sex paraphernalia store and were barely big enough to cover my Kinney attributes. Unlike my Dad, and even Uncle Justin, 

I've never liked the idea of others being able to see my attributes through my clothes and these shorts emphasize them rather 

than hide them. 

I've lost track of time since I was kidnapped on a Friday afternoon. I 'd been on my way to Pittsburgh for a weekend at 

home. I thought I 'd been a prisoner for about a week but since I don’t know how long I was unconscious when the psycho 

first drugged me I can’t be sure. I don’t have anything to do but think and talk to myself since the nutcase hasn’t seen it 

necessary to give me anything that I could use to keep myself occupied. So of course I continually think about the chain of 

circumstances that led to my current predicament and what I should have done differently. Not that I have thought of anything 

I could have done differently once I decided to go home to Pittsburgh for the weekend. Would I have been safe from the 

nutcase if I had stayed in State College?

Does my family even know that I'e been kidnapped? I hadn’t told anyone that I planned on coming to Pittsburgh, other than my 

roommate. Last year during my first semester at Penn State I had made a point of calling to let my folks know that I was 

coming home for a weekend stay. Other than the Thanksgiving break I had only come home 3 times during the semester. On 

those occasions it had been just like it had always been when I still lived at home. (Technically my home was with my mothers 

but once I had started High School I had spent most nights with my Dads so that I could go to Cheif Joseph High.) My Dads 

and I would go to a movie and dinner on Friday night and watch a ball game on Saturday. I would go out with my girlfriend 

Katherine Saturday night. Then my Dads and I just lazed around on Sunday until it was time for me to return to State 

College. 

During the semester break I had overheard Mikey talking to Deb at the family Christmas party. They didn’t realize that I was 

on the other side of the tree, since Dad always got one of the biggest and fullest trees available in Pittsburgh they 

couldn’t see me, and had talked about things that they probably wouldn’t have wanted me to hear. But then I'd been used to 

this sort of thing all of my life. My family members had a problem with realizing that I was in a room. I'd always figured 

that since I was so much younger than the rest of the family group they just forgot that I was so much younger and talked in 

front of me like I was one of the group.

“Brian and Justin were at Babylon again last week. That makes more times in the last four months than they were there in the 

last ten years.” 

“Well Michael you have to remember that they have an empty house now.” 

“I know but it's just funny to see the two them out on the dance floor again. It's like they never quit coming, they act 

like Justin is 17 and Brian still only 29.” 

“They've been very concerned about setting the proper examples for Gus and going dancing at a gay club was something they 

just didn’t feel was proper. Now that he is off at college they aren’t quite so worried about being seen there.” 

“It's sure hard to believe that Gus is old enough to be in college Ma.” 

“Shit don’t I know it. It means that I’m more than fucking old enough to have a grandson in college. When did all of you kids 

get so old? I remember when you and Brian first met. I remember when Brian first got you drunk. I remember the first time 

Brian broke your heart. Don’t get upset Michael I remember the good times you and Brian had too. 

I remember the first time I saw Brian with Gus. Who would have ever thought that Brian Kinney would be a father let alone a 

good father? I remember the first time I saw Brian let his guard down with Sunshine. Who would have ever thought that Brian 

Kinney would ever admit to being in love? Who would have ever thought that Brian Kinney would be monogamous? 

I remember Gus asking me once if I had to play the kissing game with you like he had to play it with his Dads.” 

“What was the kissing game?” 

“He must have been in the 1st or 2nd grade at the time. I asked him what he meant. I’ll never forget since I almost choked 

trying not to laugh.” 

“What was it?” 

“He said that he would pretend to be looking at something away from Brian and Justin so that they could sneak a kiss when 

they thought he wasn’t looking at them. That otherwise they never kissed when he was around them. He wanted to know if I had 

to do the same thing with you and your boyfriend. I told him that no I didn’t play that game since you'd never been worried 

about kissing guys in front of me. That you had kissed Brian a time or two in front of me as well. He didn’t really like 

that information though.” 

“I wonder why Ma?” 

“You know as well as I do Michael. He actually said “Daddy never kissed anyone besides Uncle Justin and me." "Oh the naiveté 

of the young.” 

“I was being funny Ma.” 

“Michael you have never been any good at being funny.” 

“Oh Ma.” 

I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but I had found the conversation interesting. I'd forgotten about the kissing game but even 

as I got older my Dads had very seldom kissed in front of me. My mothers on the other hand had always been very affectionate 

around home. So I decided that I wouldn’t let my Dads know I was coming home so that they wouldn’t change their plans just 

because of me. If they had been denying themselves fun, because of me for 19 years, then I wouldn’t be the cause of it 

anymore. So other than scheduled vacations my parents didn’t know I would be in Pittsburgh until I showed up, that way they 

wouldn’t cancel their plans because of me. I just told them that it was a last minute decision to come home when they asked 

why I hadn’t called. It really wasn’t a lie I just didn’t tell them what day I made the last minute decision.

So when I had decided that in the 3rd week of my sophomore year at Penn State that I was homesick I didn’t let anyone in 

Pittsburgh know that I was planning to come home for the weekend. I still wondered why I was homesick. Being homesick had 

surprised me to no end. I hadn’t been homesick during my freshman year at Penn State so I didn’t understand why I would be 

so during the first month of my sophomore year. It probably was because my relationship with Katherine Napoli had gotten 

much more serious during this past summer and I missed her company much more than I had the previous year. Or it could be 

that I was less impressed with college life than I had been the previous year and so the goings on in State College were less 

diverting than they had been. The least likely was that for the first several weeks of my freshman year I had still been 

mad/upset at my Uncle Justin. When I finally went home the first time we had spent several hours clearing the air between us 

and our relationship had returned to normal.

I had decided that I would make the trip home Friday after my last class. The Nitanny Lions were playing the Nebraska 

Cornhuskers, in Lincoln, Saturday and it would be on national Vid so I could watch it with Uncle Justin in Pittsburgh just as 

easily as watching it in the Dorm lounge. Plus it was always more fun to watch any game with Uncle Justin. Since the 

drubbing the Lions had taken in 2018 Rose Bowl from the Huskers no one in Pennsylvania was really looking forward to this 

game that had been on the schedule since I was in the sixth grade. Having decided to go home for the weekend made it easier 

to get through the week and before I knew it I was in my last class of the week. Economics is boring to begin with but when 

it is the last class before you can get on with your plans for the weekend it really drags. This economics class was really 

making me question my accounting major. Finally the professor dismissed the class, reminding us that the first hour exam 

would be in a week. 

I rushed to my dorm room to get the stuff I'd packed the previous night for my weekend at home. My roommate was getting 

ready to go to his last class of the week when I got to the room. 

“Hey George, I’ll see you Sunday night when I get back from Pittsburgh.” 

“Don’t have too much fun in the big city Gus.” 

“That will depend on how the game turns out.” 

“Then I don’t have anything to worry about then do I, the Nits will get clobbered and you and your Uncle Justin'll drown 

yourselves in sorrow at the nearest club.” 

“Sure. More likely we won’t leave the house under those circumstances. You would be surprised how straight laced Uncle Justin 

and Dad have been whenever I was around.” 

“Well the Nits might win. Then he can take you out to celebrate.” 

“That's even more unlikely George.” 

“Bye Gus drive carefully. I’ll see you Sunday night” 

“So long George.”

Carrying my bag I walked over to the Dorm parking lot where I got my car. It was always amusing to think how much I looked 

like my Dad yet acted like my Uncle Justin. Here I was going to spend a weekend and was only taking one bag of belongings, 

my Dad would have at least 2 suitcases and a suit bag for the same length of time. Uncle Justin might not take anything at 

all. I’m like Uncle Justin with never having problems expressing my feelings but Dad still finds it hard to tell me or Uncle 

Justin how much he loves us. 

My car was one of Dad’s old Jeeps that I'd gotten for my High School graduation present. I 'd decided to take I-80 on this 

trip. First I went up US 220 to the intersection with I-80 then I went west to I-79 which I would take south to I-279 which 

would lead me to the exit to get to my Dads house. This route was somewhat longer than other options but with the higher 

speed limit on the Interstates and the fact that my Dads house was on the northwest side of Pittsburgh it actually would get 

me home sooner.

Since I left State College with a full tank I didn’t have to stop for fuel and I could let Dad fill up the car before I 

returned on Sunday I only had to pull off the highway for the occasional pit stop. I'd stopped at a rest area on I-79 and 

was at the urinal when an older guy bumped into me. 

“Hey guy watch what you're doing. I’m not interested.” 

“Sorry I just slipped on the wet floor.” 

I hadn’t noticed the small pinch in my arm when the guy bumped me. As I went back to my car I started feeling funny and I 

wasn’t happy when I found that I had a flat tire. As I got the spare out of the back I felt even woozier and had to sit on 

the curb. 

The older guy from the restroom walked up and asked. “Anything wrong? Need help with that flat?” 

“I’m feeling funny for some reason and sure I could use the help.” 

But instead of helping with the flat the guy just reached down and pulled me to my feet. He then walked me over to his car 

and put me in the passenger seat. I was just getting more and more confused and couldn’t bring myself to resist what the guy 

was doing to me.

The next thing I could remember was waking up in this cabin and finding that I was naked and chained to the wall. After what 

seemed forever the older guy from the rest area came into the room. 

“What the fuck is going on? Who the hell are you? Why do you have me chained up? Where the hell are my clothes? I told you I 

don’t fucking swing that way. Aren’t you going to say anything?” 

“Why should I talk to you. You are just bait in my trap.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“My what a foul mouth you have. Your father has obviously raised you to be just like him. He certainly was a foul mouthed 

bastard back in the day. You certainly look like him as well. The sooner I get Taylor away from him the better.”

“What're you talking about?” 

“Just shut up boy and listen. I finally decided that it was time for me to claim my love and you're the bait that I’m using 

to get his attention. Your Dad stole Taylor away from me 20 years ago and it's time that situation is corrected.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about. My Dad didn’t steal Uncle Justin away from anyone.” 

“Shut the fuck up boy, you don’t know what you're talking about. Taylor and I should've been together for the last 20 years 

and we would've been if not for your asshole of a father stealing him away from me. So I decided that I would take you and 

use you as bait. My plan's working out great, it's just a matter of time until Taylor is with me like he should've for all 

of these years.” 

“Uncle Justin never loved anyone besides my Dad so you're crazy if you think Dad stole Uncle Justin from you.” 

The guy just looked at me like I was a monkey in a cage screaming at the world.

“Why the fuck am I naked?” 

“You're naked so that you can use the shower without getting your clothes wet. I’m not completely indifferent to your needs. 

Sitting around in wet clothes wouldn’t be good for your health. But don’t think that means I care about you, I'll do 

whatever I need to in order to get Taylor back. You really aren’t his son so I would have no problem in hurting you to prove 

to him that I mean business. In fact it might speed things up if I were to send a body part with my first communication with 

them. Any part you wouldn’t mind losing?” 

“You fucking monster let me go. My Dads aren’t going to let you do anything to me or to them.”   
“Now how can they stop me since they don’t even know you're missing let alone where you're at. If I decided to walk over 

there and cut off a finger or toe or an ear what could they do about it? Maybe something more dramatic would work even 

better. Maybe it's time you were circumcised?” 

I started to get worried as I listened to the madman threaten to cut off parts of my body. I decided that it might be better 

to not rile him anymore. 

The guy brought me take out food for dinner and supper and on the second day he brought the snap on shorts so that I wouldn’t 

have to be naked all of the time; not that there was much difference between being naked and wearing the tiny little shorts. 

While for the most part the guy just dropped the food off and then left the room a few times he would start in on how he was 

going to get Taylor back from that fucking thief Kinney. I didn’t say anything since I didn’t want to set him off again.

The situation got very bad when I woke up one morning and saw that my Dad was tied up and unconscious on the floor. I rushed 

over to Dad and started untying him. I soon found that in addition to the ropes Dad was also chained to the same U-bolt that 

I was chained to. I got the ropes off and straightened my Dad out so that he would be more comfortable. I also got the 

bedding off of the bed and put it under my Dad. Then I waited for Dad to wake up. 

When the nutcase brought dinner I was still waiting for Dad to wake up. 

“Don’t worry Gus, he'll wake up sometime this afternoon. It surprised me how foolish he was and how easy it was to drug him. 

You didn’t have any reason to suspect anything; he should've been on his guard. After all he knew that I'd kidnapped you. 

But then Kinney always did think he was better and smarter than everyone else.” 

“He's going to be all right?” 

“Yes but remember I don’t care what happens to either of you. You and Kinney are just the means of making Taylor realize 

that we should've been together all of these years.” 

“You have to know that isn’t going to happen. Uncle Justin loves Dad and is never going to change his view.” 

“I don’t know, when I start cutting things off of you two he might change his mind. Then of course he doesn’t really love 

Kinney so it probably won’t bother him at all if I cut up Kinney. He does think of you as a son so I suppose I'll have to at 

least start with hurting you to get his attention.” 

“If you really knew Uncle Justin you would know that hurting me or Dad isn’t going to make him change what he believes.” 

“Don’t be so sure Sonnyboy. He'll do anything to prevent you from suffering. Since I'll have no problem with sending him 

body parts from you to make the point, I have the advantage. Plus I'll have the added pleasure of watching Kinney watch you 

losing body parts.” 

“You really are crazy. Why won’t you tell me who you are?” 

“Because it isn’t your business. Maybe Taylor and I'll take you in once we set up our new household.” 

“As if my Dad is ever going to let you set up a household with Uncle Justin.” 

“Silly boy, do you really think that Kinney lives through this situation?” 

“You fucking son of a bitch. Who the hell are you and why do you think you have the slightest chance with Uncle Justin?” 

“Because I love him and he loves me even if he doesn’t know it yet.” 

“Even if he did love you once he certainly would lose any feelings for you if he finds out that you hurt me or Dad.” 

“Boy you just don’t understand true love do you? We were meant to be and we'll be a couple and nothing'll get in the way of 

that true love. But don’t worry about your body yet Sonnyboy, I'll give Taylor a chance to come back to me without any 

inducements.” 

“Why don’t you just leave and let me take care of my Dad? ” 

“Sure kid I don’t have any desire to look at Kinney throwing up and drooling.” 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Now do you really think that there isn’t a bad side to drugging someone enough to cause them to pass out for this length of 

time?” 

With that he left the room and I soon heard his vehicle leaving the cabin.

I got one of the towels and got it wet so it would be ready if and when Dad had a bad reaction when he finally woke up. A 

few hours later Dad started stirring and just like the maniac had predicted; Dad emptied his stomach, not that there was much 

to empty. I used the towel to clean my Dad up and to cool down his forehead. Eventually Dad became aware of his 

surroundings. 

“Dad are you OK now?” 

“Sonnyboy, where are we?” 

“I don’t know exactly, some vacation cabin as best as I can tell. Some madman drugged me at the rest area on I-79 and I’ve 

been here ever since, how long has it been? 

“When I made the mistake of meeting with him it was Tuesday night so I suppose that it's now sometime on Wednesday.” 

“This madman thinks that you stole Uncle Justin away from him and he has decided to get him back. I’m just bait in the trap. 

I guess it worked since he caught you. How could you let him catch you Dad?” 

“Gus don’t fall apart on me. He caught me because I was stupid. I didn’t think he would try anything in a restaurant but 

then I didn’t realize that he was crazy.” 

“He's crazy all right. About the only thing he's talked about was how you stole Uncle Justin away from him. I told him that 

he didn’t know what he was talking about since Uncle Justin never loved anyone but you. He just brushed off everything I said 

and kept coming back to the idea that Uncle Justin really loves him and not you. He really thinks that he and Uncle 

Justin'll become a couple. He might even consider taking me in once he's gotten Uncle Justin to live with him and gotten rid 

of you.” 

“Gus nothing's going to happen to us. Justin'll have enough sense to get the cops involved. Justin has always been the 

sensible one in our relationship.” 

“I hope so. I’m tired of being chained to a wall and dressed in nothing but these tiny pornographic shorts.” 

“Has he done anything to you Gus?” 

“Other than threaten to cut off various body parts and send them to you and Uncle Justin, no. 

He originally had me naked so that I could use the shower without getting my clothes wet, but he did show up with these 

things so that I didn’t have to be naked all of the time. He hasn’t been cruel to me yet because he knows that Uncle Justin 

thinks of me as his son. But I've no doubt that he'll hurt me if he decides that will get Uncle Justin’s attention.” 

“Over my dead body.” 

“Dad don’t do anything stupid. I can take a little pain but I couldn’t handle you being killed. Who could possibly think 

that you stole Uncle Justin away from him? I don’t remember Uncle Justin ever mentioning anyone else in his life besides 

you.” 

“We've been trying to figure that out since Sunday night when he called to tell us that you were missing and that he had you. 

Neither of us has been able to come up with a name.”

Later the madman dropped off a single meal without saying anything to either of us. We split the meal which meant neither of 

us got our fill but neither of us went hungry. The next day, which I figured was Thursday, he brought two meals for dinner. 

“Why did you bring two?” I couldn’t help asking. 

“I’m in a good mood because my beloved is coming to see me today.” 

He then left and we heard him running down the stairway but I didn’t hear his vehicle leave so he had to be somewhere in the 

vicinity if not in the cabin itself. 

“I don’t like the sound of that Dad.” 

“Me either Sonnyboy but we have to believe that Justin won’t do anything stupid. I’ve already done enough stupidity for this 

family.”

A few hours later I heard another vehicle drive up to the cabin. I woke Dad up from the fitful nap he was taking. 

“Dad someone else has driven up.” 

“Hopefully it's the police.” 

Just then we heard shouting. 

“Hey you crazy son of a bitch where are you?” 

“Uncle Justin?” 

“Justin you fool why're you here?” 

The shouting continued. “Show yourself, where're my son and partner? I’m here just like you said, show yourself and prove 

that they're OK or I’m gone.” 

The madman entered the room that I and Dad were in and stated. “My love is finally here. You heard him. Let him know you're 

OK, open the window and tell him. Remember though that your lives are in my hand so don’t do anything too stupid.” 

We noticed that for the first time the madman had a gun. I rushed to the window and pushed up the sash. 

“Uncle Justin get away from here.” 

“Justin I thought I was the stupid one in the family get the police.” 

“Don’t worry guys I have it under control.” 

“Shit Justin the guy is a nutcase.” 

“That is enough close the window while I go talk to my beloved.” 

With that the madman left the room and we could hear him running down the stairs. Soon we saw that Uncle Justin was talking 

to the nutcase. We were horrified when Uncle Justin moved into the cabin. 

“Dad what's he doing?” 

“I just hope he knows Sonnyboy.”

BRIAN’S THOUGHTS

How the hell did I get into this mess? Besides being my typical arrogant self. How could I think that a maniac who 

kidnapped my son in broad daylight at an Interstate Rest Area wouldn’t do something in a restaurant. I’m chained to the wall 

in some cabin, at least I can keep Gus calm, or will he have to keep me calm? I can only hope that Justin'll do the right 

thing and get the authorities involved; even if I was the one that argued that we couldn’t risk getting the police involved 

because of the maniac’s threats against Gus if we did. Why hasn’t some of Justin’s common sense rubbed off on me yet? 

Where did this all begin. Well if the madman knows what he's talking about it must have started 20 years ago even if neither 

I or Justin can think of who he is. 

Last Saturday after the Nebraska-Penn State disaster Justin was in the dumps, partly because of the Huskers whomping the Nits 

again but mainly because Gus hadn’t come home to watch the game with him. As much as I love Sonnyboy it pales against the 

love Justin has for the boy. 

“Brian I still can’t get over the fact that Gus didn’t come home for the weekend. Or that he hasn’t called yet to 

commiserate over another Penn State loss to Nebraska. This makes 5 losses in a row to them, the last time PSU beat the 

Huskers was during the month I was living with Ethan and I wasn't following football back then.” 

“Well Justin he must've had something more important to do this weekend. He's 20 years old now and spending the weekend with 

his old Dads isn’t as important as it used to be. How in the world can that little boy be 20? I remember like it was 

yesterday holding him for the very first time, the same night I first met you. Asking you to pick his name. Letting you into 

my heart even if I didn’t know it at the time. How can that be 20 years ago?” 

“Time flies when you're having fun?” 

“Well we can still go to Babylon and have a good time whether Sonnyboy has called or not. Or we can stay home and have an 

even better time.” 

“Sorry Brian I’m just not in the mood for either.” 

“Justin Taylor not in the mood to dance or fuck with me. This really is a first.” 

“Brian I’m serious. You go to Babylon with “The Boys” and I’ll stay home and mope. I’m entitled to a blue night once in 

awhile.” 

“I remember that we used to have a lot of blue nights back in the Loft. How come we didn’t have those lights installed here 

in the house?” 

“As I remember it you didn’t want anything to remind you of a certain little ditty a certain young man made up in the light 

of those blue lights.” 

“Oh yeah, how could've I forgotten that little ditty.” 

“Brian why don’t we go eat someplace that we have never gone to before. Maybe a new place will get me out of this funk.” 

“Sure Sunshine, any ideas.” 

“No just get the restaurant guide and we can look for something interesting.” 

We went to a Swedish Smorgasbord place. That got Justin back into a good mood. Lots of food always gets Justin into a good 

mood. 37 and he still can eat like a teenager and not gain an ounce. We'd gone home and hadn’t thought about Gus for the 

remainder of the night, hadn’t thought much about anything but each other’s bodies and the pleasure that those bodies gave 

us. 

Sunday had gone just like any Sunday until 8 PM when the phone rang. 

“Let the machine get it Brian.” 

“Kinney-Taylor residence, I’m sure you know the drill.” 

BEEP 

“Kinney, you fucking thief, I know that you're home so answer the damn phone.” 

I'd just looked at Justin then moved to the phone. “Who the hell is this and what the hell do you want?” 

“Well asshole I was calling to see if you've checked up on your precious Sonnyboy lately?” 

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” 

“What the hell does it sound like? Do you know where Sonnyboy is, at this moment?” 

“Are you trying to tell me he isn’t at school?” 

“Duh, you get a gold star.” 

“Who the hell are you and what're you up to?” 

“I think you might be more worried about Sonnyboy you fucking thief.” CLICK.

“Brian what was that about?” 

“The asshole insinuated that Gus isn’t at school.” 

“Then you better call and find out for sure then.” 

“I guess that is my only option, though I’m sure it is just some jerk trying to cause us problems.”

“Hello.” 

“Hi George this is Mr. Kinney, may I speak to Gus?” 

“Gus isn’t back from Pittsburgh yet Mr. Kinney. Do you want me to have him call when he gets here?” 

“Sure George, thanks.”

“Justin, George says that Gus isn’t back from Pittsburgh yet. Would he've come back to Pittsburgh without letting us know he 

was in town?” 

“I can’t think of any reason why he would do that but I suppose it's possible if very unlikely. I don’t like the sound of 

this at all.” 

“You and me both.” 

An hour or so later the phone rang again. I'd almost flown through the air to answer. “What?” 

“Kind of a rude way to answer the phone Kinney. But then you always were a rude bastard.” 

“Where's Gus?” 

“So you believe I have him now?” 

“What else am I supposed to believe. He isn’t here, he isn’t at school, so where is he?” 

“Oh it's much too soon to talk about where he is. But I'll give you some proof that I have him. His Jeep is at the 

southbound I-79 rest area with a flat tire, unless it has already been impounded. I’ll get in touch, but don’t call the 

authorities, since I can have the boy dead long before they can get to him.” 

“Look you bastard you better not do anything to Sonnyboy.” 

“Like you can stop me you asshole. You stole Taylor away from me but I’ve gotten even by stealing Gus away from you.” 

"What do you want?” 

“What I should have had for the last 20 years. Taylor.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“You stole Taylor from me and I want him back.” CLICK

“Well what did he say?” 

“He told me where we can find Gus’ Jeep to prove he has him. He says not to get the authorities involved because he can kill 

Gus before they could rescue him. He claims I stole you from him 20 years ago and he's kidnapped Gus so that he can get you 

back. Do you have any idea who could think that?” 

“Since the only person I've ever had a real relationship with is in this room right now, I've no idea. We must be dealing 

with a madman.” 

“He called Gus Sonnyboy so he can’t be some random maniac. He has to know us somehow. Justin we have to get him back, I 

don’t know what I would do if something happens to Sonnyboy. How're we going to tell the Munchers.”

“We won’t tell anybody anything until we know more. Brian I’m sure this idiot'll call back sometime tomorrow and give us more 

information to go on. We'll deal with the situation and we'll get Gus back. But I think we'll have to get the authorities 

involved at some point. We'll have to tell Mel and Linds as soon as we know something definite.”

I'd then called my assistant Cynthia at her home, something in all the years she had worked with me I'd never done. 

“Cynthia this's Brian, an emergency has come up. Justin and I won’t be into the office until further notice. Do whatever is 

necessary to keep the business running. Cancel meetings, reschedule them or delegate them to others but don’t bother calling 

either of us until we contact you.” 

“Brian this sounds pretty serious. I'll do everything necessary. Don’t worry about the place it will still be there when you 

solve whatever is going on.” 

“I wasn’t worried Cynthia, you run everything anyway. One other thing, find out in the morning if Gus’ Jeep was impounded by 

the state patrol or if it's still at the south bound rest area on I-79. Then send someone to get it. It probably has a 

flat. If it's been impounded send the money from my personal account.” 

“Something has happened to Gus then? Don’t worry I’ll take care of everything, I’m assuming there's copy of the key to his 

Jeep in your office?” 

“Yes like every other vehicle in the family, you know me way too well Cynthia.” 

“I would hope so after 24 years. Where's the time gone? Let me know everything when you can.”   
“Sure Cynthia and thanks again for everything you've ever done for me.” 

I called back to State College and told Gus’s roommate that Gus had a small accident and was in the Hospital for a few days 

and asked if he could get his assignments for him. I didn’t want George alerting anyone at Penn State that Gus was missing. 

I would apologize to the boy for my lies when the situation was over.

Justin and I hadn’t slept much Sunday night, we'd spent the night talking and trying to figure out who the nutcase, who'd 

kidnapped our son, could be. 

“Justin, we'll have to do whatever this maniac asks since we can’t risk getting Gus hurt.”   
“Brian just wait and see what he has to say. Maybe he'll give us a clue as to who the hell he is. I just can’t imagine who 

would think you stole me from him.” 

“Probably some idiot at Babylon who you danced with and has fantasized ever since about being in love with you.”

Finally around 11 AM on Monday the phone rang. I had the composure to put the phone on speaker this time so that Justin 

could hear both sides of the conversation. 

“I’m out buying your son dinner does he prefer anything in particular?” 

“He prefers his freedom you asshole.” 

“Being nasty to me Kinney isn’t going to help. What does he like?” 

“Fried Chicken is always his favorite.” 

“Thanks Taylor.” 

“What do you want from us?” 

“I told you last night I want Taylor back where he belongs.” 

“Where's that?” 

“With me, you idiot, if you hadn’t stolen him away all those years ago he would be where he should be instead of wasting his 

time with such a waste of skin like you.” 

“You're crazy, you know that don’t you? Justin never loved you, whoever you are, and so how could I have stolen him from 

you. Just let our boy go and we won’t send the authorities after you.” 

“That sure is a weak argument Kinney.” 

“I'll trade Sonnyboy straight up for Taylor.” 

“Look you asshole, let Gus go and then we can try to figure out why you think Brian stole me from you.” 

“Taylor my beloved, you shouldn’t be in the same room as that thief, he corrupts you by his presence.” 

“Do you have any idea how crazy you are?” 

“Crazy in love my beloved. Just admit our love and come to me and I'll let the boy go.” 

“How can I admit loving you when I don’t even know who you are?” 

“Look into your heart and you'll know who I am. Well I’m next in line so I suppose I better let you guys go. I’ll call soon 

with my instructions on how you can get Sonnyboy back in more or less one piece.” 

“What the fuck does that mean.” 

“You better not hurt a hair on that boy if you ever think I'll go with you.” 

“Taylor I would never cause you any harm, but you have to let the true love between us start to work, then you'll realize 

that Kinney is just the thief that stole you from me and Gus just a distraction.” CLICK

“God Brian what're we going to do; the man is completely crazy.” 

“We'll do whatever it takes to get Sonnyboy back except letting him have you.” 

“Brian if that's what it takes then that's what we'll do. I can take care of myself.” 

“Justin you know what would happen to me if I lost you.” 

“And I know what would happen to the both of us, Mel and Linds if we lose Gus.” 

“We're fucked then aren’t we?” 

“We're just going to have to wait for him to call back and try to get some more information out of him. If we figure out who 

he is then we'll have a better chance of doing something to get Gus back safe and sound.” 

“Maybe we better talk to the authorities.” 

“Not yet but we probably should get “The Boys” involved, they might be able to help figure out who this nutcase is.” 

“How about Melanie and Lindsay?” 

“Not yet Brian.”

***

“Mikey” 

“Brian what's the problem?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you wouldn’t be calling me at noon on a Monday if there wasn’t some problem.” 

“Michael you know me too well, yes there's a family problem. Can you get Ted and Emmett and come to the house as soon as 

possible?” 

“What's the matter Brian?” 

“It'll be easier just to tell all of you at one time.” 

“Brian what've you done this time?” 

 

“Nothing Michael just get the guys over as soon as possible. Don’t tell anyone else though.” 

“Brian this is sounding more and more ominous.” 

“Mikey just get them here.”

***

“Hello.” 

“Emmett this's Michael, drop everything and be ready to go when I get there.” 

“Michael what is the problem?” 

“I don’t know for sure but it's bad otherwise Brian would have told me more than he did.” 

“Brian?” 

“He called and told me to get you and Ted over to their house as soon as possible. He sounded worried, almost as bad as when 

Justin was bashed all of those years ago. Something bad has happened Em and he thinks we might be able to help, don’t say 

anything to anyone though.” 

“I’ll be waiting at the door to the store.” 

"See you in half an hour or so then.”

***

“Ted, something is wrong with Brian and Justin, I'll be at your door in 45 minutes be ready to go.” 

“Michael I just can’t drop everything of a whim of Brian’s.” 

“Teddy you know Brian doesn’t have whims during a work day.” 

“That’s true, what's the problem?” 

“He wouldn’t tell me said it would be easier to tell all us at once. I’m picking Emmett up and then coming by your studio. 

Don’t tell anyone anything though.” 

“Sure Michael.”

***

At 1:30 PM Michael had pulled into my drive way and the 3 of them went up to the door. They didn’t get a chance to knock 

since I opened the door before Michael could get his hand out of his jacket pocket. 

“Brian what's the matter, you never wait at the door for someone.” 

“Mikey it's a terrible situation. Come on guys we need to talk and see if you can remember anything that Justin and I can’t. 

They followed me to the living room where it was obvious that Justin and I'd been spending a lot of time, there were dishes 

scattered on every flat surface most with only partially eaten food stuffs. 

“It really must be bad if you two are leaving such a mess.” Emmett joked. 

“Gus has been kidnapped we haven’t been worried about housekeeping.” I snapped. 

“He didn’t mean anything Brian.” 

“I know Justin the pressure is just getting to me. Sorry Em.” 

“No Brian don’t worry about me, what do you mean Gus has been kidnapped?” 

“Some maniac kidnapped him Friday at the southbound rest area on I-79 while he was coming home for the weekend. This madman 

called us last night asking if we knew where Sonnyboy was. He's taken Gus from me so that I'll give Justin to him. He 

thinks that I stole Justin from him 20 years ago and now he wants him back. We were hoping that you guys would be able to 

help us figure out who the madman is.”

“Justin were you involved with anyone else we don’t know about?” 

“That's the problem Michael, there's no one that I can think of who could even possibly think that we'd been a couple. Brian 

was my first experience and from that moment I knew that he was the only man for me. Certainly there were other tricks 

during that first couple of years but there was never anyone who could legitimately think that we were ever more than that. 

It must be someone who has expanded something from nothing to a supposed passion. Do you guys remember anybody who might 

have such a passion?” 

“Jeez that was a long time ago Justin. I don’t remember anyone ever saying anything other than that they knew better than to 

poach on the King of Liberty Avenue’s property.” 

“Ted he was never my property.” 

“Well Brian you might think that now and might've thought it then but let me tell you there was no one else in Gay Pittsburgh 

who thought that. You made it clear to anyone with eyes that Justin was yours and yours alone.” 

“This isn’t helping.” 

“Yes Sunshine it is, it means that whoever took Gus is totally insane. Now is that a good thing or a bad thing in getting 

Gus back?” 

“God I wish I knew the answer Brian." 

"Have you told Mel and Lindsay anything yet?” 

“No Em and we're not going to tell them until we absolutely have too. We're also not going to get the authorities involved 

either. He threatened to kill Gus before they could do anything and I believed him.” Brian replied. 

“This is just getting worse and worse.” Michael muttered. 

We had spent the next several hours trying to figure out who the madman could be. While Justin had tricked some during the 

time before he and I'd hooked up permanently the majority had been during group sessions when I'd been involved had in fact 

caused to happen. This had been one of the reasons Justin had left me around the time of Gus’ second birthday. He wanted 

only me and I couldn’t seem to realize the fact. So we ruled out any guy who had been part of a 3 or 4 way since we didn’t 

know most of the names anyway and no one could have possibly thought they had a chance with Justin when I'd been there at the 

time. That'd left the few men Justin had tricked with by himself. It hadn’t taken long to go through that list and we had 

no likely suspects. 

“It can’t be Kip Thomas, he was killed about ten years ago in a car crash.” 

“Brian why would you think of him?” 

“Justin did you truly believe I wouldn’t find out about your little incident of blackmail.” 

“You never said anything.” 

“Well at first I was waiting for you to try to use it against me.” 

“Brian Kinney-Taylor I'd never have used it against you.” 

“I soon figured that out and then I just put it out of my mind.” 

“Well then how did you know about his death?” 

“I just saw his obituary by accident.” We'd continued to try to come up with a name for most of the evening but had no luck.

“What about that Ian?” 

“Brian while it's nice to think that you're still jealous of Ethan that didn’t last a month after I left the loft. Ethan was 

just a symptom of our problems not a cause.” 

“I know that in my head Justin, but it's always easier to blame it on someone else other than my bullheadedness.” 

“But it can’t be Ethan because I've kept in contact with him over the years, strictly as friends, and I would recognize his 

voice. Besides he's in Europe right now on a concert tour. How many guys can claim a college fling with one of the 

preeminent violinists of the world?” 

“Knowing that punk, more than you would think.” 

“Brian be nice. Like I said it can’t be Ethan since he's in Europe and he's too famous to simply disappear without it being 

noticed.”

“Then it must be some random nutcase who happened to overhear one of us call Gus Sonnyboy.”

“That just doesn’t sound right to me Brian.” 

“Well I guess we'll just have to wait for him to call again, Justin. Guys I guess we'll let you go home. Thanks for all 

your help. We'll keep you informed but please keep this quiet.” 

“Sure Brian you can count on us keeping it secret.” 

“I know Mikey.” 

“Ted you better stay away from Mel, you know you've never been able to keep a secret from her in all the years you've known 

her.” 

“Thanks Em, thanks a lot. I’ll admit that my sarcasm would work better if your statement wasn’t true.” We'd chuckled at 

Ted’s comment.

Justin and I'd another night of very little sleep though we both had dozed off when the phone rang around 1 PM Tuesday. I 

woke and answered the phone, Justin'd remained asleep and I didn’t wake him. 

“Well Kinney are you prepared to meet with me so that we can set up the exchange?” 

“Look you asshole you know I’m not going to give you Justin.” 

“Then I guess I should stop buying your boy his meals?” 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Why should I feed him if you aren’t willing to even talk about an exchange, I've no other interest in him why should I 

waste money on something that can’t do me any good?” 

"OK OK I’ll meet you but it has to be in public.” 

“What you don’t trust me, you fucking thief?” 

“You kidnap my son and demand my lover in ransom, why would I trust you?” 

“I guess I have to give you that point. But seriously we do need to meet. Just know that if you bring the police Gus will 

die before you find him.” 

“I believe you, you are too crazy to not believe.” 

“Good, then be at Aunt Lu’s Diner in Warrendale at 5 PM. Make sure you're alone, I’m not ready to see Taylor yet.” 

“I thought he was your true Love?” 

“He is but I don’t want him to see me until we're ready to become a couple.” 

“Do you have any idea how crazy you are?” 

“Just be at the Diner and don’t try anything if you value Sonnyboy’s life.” CLICK.

I'd thought about waking Justin and telling him about the meeting but then I figured he would either talk me out of going, 

insist on going with me or follow me to the meeting. So I just left him a note that I was going to the gym in order to work 

off some of my fears about Gus. I wrote that I'd be home no later than 7 PM and to not worry about me. I was sure being my 

typical stupid self. I didn’t think that there was any problem meeting with the guy in a public restaurant. I thought that 

if I saw him I would figure out who he was at the least and at the best convince him to let Gus go. Typical Kinney bravado.

I'd gotten to the diner early and was sitting at a table in the middle of the dining room drinking a cup of coffee with a 

piece of cherry pie ALA mode. At 5 PM I heard the guy announce to the room. 

“Uncle Brian there you are. How've you been.” 

Then the guy walked up to me and grabbed my hand. I felt a pinch in the palm of my hand and then things started to get 

unclear. 

“What the fuck are you doing? I’m not your Uncle.” Unfortunately I spoke very quietly and no one in the diner heard me. 

“Uncle Brian what's the matter you look kind of funny? Have you been drinking again?” 

I could hear what the guy was saying but I was losing control of my body and getting woozier by the second. He'd drugged me 

and I'd walked right into his trap. Whoever he was he certainly was a smart maniac. 

“Uncle Brian are you able to walk? Let’s get you home Uncle Brian where Aunt Michaelina can watch over you.” 

The last thing I remembered was the guy pulling me up by the arms from the chair and then walking me out of the diner to his 

car.

When I next became aware of the world Gus was hovering over me. 

“Dad are you OK now?” 

“Sonnyboy, where are we?” 

“I don’t know exactly, some vacation cabin as best as I can tell. Some madman drugged me at the rest area on I-79 and I’ve 

been here ever since, how long has it been?" 

“When I made the mistake of meeting with him it was Tuesday night so I suppose that it is sometime on Wednesday.”

“This madman thinks that you stole Uncle Justin away from him and he has decided to get him back. I’m just bait in the trap. 

I guess it worked since he caught you. How could you let him catch you Dad?” 

“Gus don’t fall apart on me. He caught me because I was stupid. I didn’t think he would try anything in a restaurant but 

then I didn’t realize that he was crazy.”

”He is crazy all right. About the only thing he's talked about was how you stole Uncle Justin away from him when I was a 

baby. I told him that he didn’t know what he was talking about since Uncle Justin never loved anyone but you. He just 

brushed off everything I said and kept coming back to the idea that Uncle Justin really loves him and not you. He really 

thinks that he and Uncle Justin'll become a couple. He might even consider taking me in once he has gotten Uncle Justin to 

live with him and gotten rid of you.” 

“Gus nothing is going to happen to us. Justin'll have enough sense to get the cops involved. Justin has always been the 

sensible on in our relationship.” 

“I hope so. I’m tired of being chained to a wall and dressed in nothing but these tiny pornographic shorts.” 

"Has he done anything to you Gus?” 

“Other than threaten to cut off various body parts and send them to you and Uncle Justin, no.  
He originally had me naked so that I could use the shower without getting my clothes wet, but he did show up with these 

things so that I didn’t have to be naked all of the time. He hasn’t been cruel to me yet because he knows that Uncle Justin 

thinks of me as his son. But I've no doubt that he'll hurt me if he decides that'll get Uncle Justin’s attention.” 

“Over my dead body.” 

“Dad don’t do anything stupid. I can take a little pain but I couldn’t handle you being killed. Who could possibly think 

that you stole Uncle Justin away from? I don’t remember Uncle Justin ever mentioning anyone else in his life beside you.” 

“We've been trying to figure that out since Sunday night when he called to tell us that you were missing and that he had you. 

Neither of us has been able to come up with a name.”

That evening the madman left us a single combo meal from Burger King and left without saying anything. Gus insisted that we 

split it instead of going with my suggestion that he eat the whole thing. Gus had told me that the guy never brought 

anything for breakfast but the next day he did bring two meals for dinner. 

“Why did you bring two?” Gus asked the nutcase. 

“I’m in a good mood, my beloved is coming to see me today.” 

He'd then rushed down the stairs but we didn’t hear his vehicle leave the area so he was either in the cabin or outside 

somewhere. 

“I don’t like the sound of that Dad.” 

“Me either Sonnyboy but we have to believe that Justin won’t do anything stupid. I’ve already done enough stupidity for this 

family.

A few hours later Gus had wakened me from a nap that I couldn’t believe that I'd fallen into. 

“Dad someone else has driven up.” 

“Hopefully it's the police.” We then heard shouting and I was amazed at who it was that was doing the shouting. 

”Hey you crazy son of a bitch where are you?” 

“Uncle Justin?” 

“Justin you fool why're you here?” 

“Show yourself, where're my son and partner? I’m here just like you said, show yourself and prove that they're OK or I’m 

gone.” 

The maniac had entered our room, he had a gun for the first time. “My love is finally here. You heard him. Let him know 

you're OK, open the window and tell him. Remember though that your lives are in my hand so don’t do anything too stupid.” 

Gus rushed to the window and threw up the sash.

“Uncle Justin get away from here.” 

“Justin I thought I was the stupid one in the family get the police.” I couldn’t help myself from shouting at Justin. 

“Don’t worry guys I have it under control.” 

“Shit Justin the guy is a nutcase.” 

“That's enough, close the window while I go talk to my beloved.” 

He left the room and we left the window open. We could hear him rushing down the stairs and then we saw him come onto the 

porch steps and start talking to Justin. Then Justin horrified me when he followed the nutcase into the cabin. 

“Dad what's he doing?” 

“I just hope he knows Sonnyboy.” Justin why're you risking yourself with this nutcase, I couldn’t help but think. I knew 

the answer though, Justin has always thought that he could solve any problem.

 

MARK’S THOUGHTS

My beloved is here and is going to come with me into the cabin so we can talk like civilized people. I hope he won’t notice 

how mussed my hair is or how disheveled my clothes are or how dilapidated this cabin, and it’s furniture, is. He hasn’t been 

this close to me in almost 20 years. I've dreamed about this moment for years. We'll finally be together like we should've 

been for all of these years. He'll show me how a gay man makes love. He'll take every cherry I have to offer. He'll make 

my life worth living again with the love he'll shower upon me. Those two upstairs will just have to live their lives without 

my beloved. Taylor I love you and I know that you love me even if you don’t know it yet. How did we get to this point in 

our lives?

One hurtful act by some homophobe and I thought that I'd lost him forever but luck was with me and he didn’t die. I would've 

killed that Chris if I could've but he was kept away from everyone. How could anyone hurt a hair on Taylor’s head? But then 

that fucking Kinney was able to steal Taylor away from me before I had the chance to show him how much I loved him. It hurt 

so much to see them together that I had to leave Pittsburgh. But then 2 years ago my father died and I returned for the 

funeral and I saw Taylor on Liberty Avenue one afternoon and I knew that our love was still present. 

So I began to plot how I could get him back. It was in the gay paper how Gus had recreated the Prom for his Dads so that 

they could have something to remember instead of what happened in '01. He really is a wonderful boy, it has to be from 

Taylor’s influence since Kinney is such an asshole he would only cause a boy to grow up corrupted. Then when Gus went off to 

Penn State Kinney started taking Taylor to that horrible Babylon place and I knew that I had to rescue him before he was 

corrupted even more than he has been in the last 20 years. It occurred to me this past summer how I could get Taylor with 

me. I just had to get the right bait and Gus was the obvious bait. Taylor loves the boy like his own son even if he looks 

like that fucking thief Kinney. So I found a supplier of a knock out drug and waited until Gus decided to go to Pittsburgh 

for a weekend visit. I just followed him from State College and when he stopped at the rest area I made my move. He thought 

I was making a pass at him when all I did was inject the drug into his arm. Then as the drug took effect I just took him by 

the arms and put him into my car. I drove him to the cabin my parents bought all those years ago when some chiropractor 

moved away from Pittsburgh and sold it cheap. I stripped the boy and put the manacle on his leg and attached the chain to 

the u-bolt fastened into a stud in the wall. I made sure the chain was just long enough so that he could get into the 

shower. I didn’t want him stinking the place up too much. I have to admit that he's a beautiful young man, well built and 

hung. But he fades in comparison to the beauty of Taylor.

When he woke up he was understandably upset and said things that he would regret. I said things in reply that I regretted. 

I had to make him believe that I would hurt him if that was necessary to get Taylor back with me. But I could never hurt 

someone who is so important to Taylor. But I did let him know how rotten his father was and that Kinney would pay for 

stealing Taylor away from me. Gus was very brave and stood up to me everytime I threatened to harm his Dad. He'll be a very 

good son for me and Taylor once this situation is sorted out. I did feel a little sorry for the boy and stopped at a sex 

shoppe and bought a pair of shorts that opened up the sides so that he could cover himself yet still be able to take them off 

in spite of the chain and take a shower. They were a couple of sizes too small but then what experience did I have buying 

clothes for a child.

Sunday night I called Kinney and asked him if he knew where his Sonnyboy was. I then hung up so he could start worrying and 

trying to find out where Gus was. After giving him some time I called back and told him where he could find Gus’ car to prove 

that I had the boy. Monday morning I called while I was out getting Gus’ dinner. This time Kinney had enough sense to turn 

on the speaker option on his phone so that Taylor could be a part of the conversation. It was so wonderful to hear his 

voice, even if he did threaten me. He's just fighting the true love that exists between us. He's been corrupted by the 20 

years of Kinney. He'll come around, true love can never be defeated. He'll be mine and I'll be his forever and forever. I 

had to threaten to harm Gus again to get their attention. I just hope that Taylor will forgive me for using that baseless 

threat. He has to know that I wouldn’t hurt someone that he truly loves. He doesn’t truly love Kinney so I can do anything 

I want to that bastard.

Tuesday I called again and got Kinney to agree to meet with me in public. Knowing how Kinney thinks he is invincible I knew 

that he would agree and I knew that I would be able to catch him without him being able to do anything about it. When I got 

to the diner he was already there eating pie. He was sitting in the middle of the dining room so that I wouldn’t be able to 

do anything. Ha, I just walked up to him making sure that everyone in the place heard me.

“Uncle Brian there you are. How have you been.” Before he could do anything I grabbed his hand to shake it, of course I had 

the needle ready and it injected his hand. 

“What the fuck are you doing? I’m not your Uncle.” But he spoke so quietly that no one else could hear him. 

“Uncle Brian what is the matter you look kind of funny? Have you been drinking again? Uncle Brian are you able to walk? 

Let’s get you home Uncle Brian where Aunt Michaelina can watch over you.” With that comment made I just reached over and 

pulled him from the chair and started walking him out of the diner. No one said anything they just assumed I was taking my 

sick(or drunk) Uncle home. As I went by the cash register I said to the waitress. 

“I’m sure his Jeep is in your parking lot I'll send one of my cousins to get it in the next day or two, as soon as I can 

reach one of them.” She just nodded and I got Kinney out the door and into my car. I took him back to the cabin, I'd put a 

few sleeping pills in Gus’ drink and he was sound asleep. I figured it would be easier to get Kinney chained to the wall if 

the boy couldn’t get in my way and I really didn’t want to threaten him with the gun. Once the chain was on I tied Kinney up 

with some rope just to make him uncomfortable, I knew that Gus would untie him as soon as he woke in the morning. 

After I had Kinney chained to the wall I called Taylor to let him know that I had the thief as well as Gus. He blustered and 

threatened me but I knew it was all for show. He was beginning to realize that we're meant for each other. He has to 

struggle with the idea but he'll eventually admit to himself that we're meant by the heavens to be a couple. But while I 

knew he had to do what he had to do it was hurtful to hear him say such mean things about me that I had to hang the phone up.

Wednesday morning when I brought Gus his dinner I found that I was right. Gus had untied his father, put bedding under him 

and was doing the best to take care of him he could under the circumstances. I told the boy that Kinney would wake up 

sometime in the afternoon but that he would be sick when he did. I only brought one meal at supper time. I could see no 

reason to feed Kinney. Of course I knew they would share the meal, Gus would make sure of that.  
Wednesday night I called Taylor again, more to hear his voice than anything but he surprised me when he offered to meet with 

me wherever I wanted to meet. I emphasized to him that if he tried to trick me he would have a dead son and dead lover. I 

think he believed me, how I don’t know, deep in his heart he has to know that I wouldn’t hurt Gus. I told him I would call 

again in the morning to let him know where to go. I then tried to decide where would be the best place to meet my beloved 

Taylor. I decided that the cabin was the best place, we would get the situation under control and get on with our lives 

together. We would dispose of Kinney, send Gus back to college and start making the cabin our love nest.

Thursday morning I called Taylor and gave him directions to the cabin and the time I would expect him. I reminded him not to 

bring the authorities if he expected to see Gus or fucking Kinney alive again. It was hurtful that he believed that I could 

be so mean as to threaten our wonderful son Gus.

I was so happy that Taylor was going to come and see me that I actually bought two meals for my houseguests. When I brought 

them up to Gus and his fucking father the boy asked my why I'd gotten two. I told him that I was happy since I was going to 

see my beloved. I then went downstairs to wait for Taylor to get to the cabin. He was on time, he drove up and then started 

yelling. I went upstairs and told the guys to let Taylor know that they were all right, but I did take the gun with me for 

the first time so that they would know I meant business. What they didn’t know was that I didn’t have any bullets in the 

gun. Someone could get hurt if there're bullets in a gun. After they yelled out the window to Taylor, basically telling him 

to go home, I ran back downstairs and out onto the porch. My beloved then agreed to come into the cabin so that we could 

talk to one another instead of having to yell at each other. 

My beloved Taylor is going to be in the same room as me for the first time in almost 20 years. We'll soon be making 

passionate love over and over again. He'll teach me everything I need to know. He'll forget that he even knew that bastard 

Brian Kinney. We'll live happily ever after and Gus'll be the perfect son and he'll give us perfect grandchildren. Kinney 

will admit that Taylor never really loved him and will gracefully exit from Taylor’s life. I’ve been day dreaming again, 

Taylor is sitting down on the couch and is ready to talk to me. I hope that I don’t come across as an idiot. I know that 

his beauty will make it hard for me to talk sensibly if I look straight at him so I'll avoid looking into those wonderful 

blue eyes. Oh Taylor our perfect life is about to begin.

JUSTIN’S THOUGHTS

It's finally over. All I have to do is walk up the stairs and free my two ‘boys’. We can then just go home and forget that 

this nightmare ever occurred. One thing for sure is that Gus is going to get into the habit of letting someone know when he 

plans on coming home for the weekend. If we'd known that he was coming home we could have started looking for him sooner. I 

don’t care what reason he had for not calling; he's going to start calling from now on. Or I'll keep him locked in his room 

myself.

It began last Sunday night when we got a phone call from some nut who basically claimed that he had Gus. Brian then called 

Gus’ room at Penn State which was answered by George, Gus’ roommate, who told Brian that Gus hadn’t gotten back from his 

weekend in Pittsburgh. Since we hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Gus that weekend we became worried. After a while the guy 

called back and told Brian where he could find Gus’ Jeep as proof that he had kidnapped our son. Monday morning he called 

back and told us that he would trade Gus for me, that the two of us were a couple mandated by the heavens and that he had 

loved me for almost 20 years but that Brian had stolen me from him. He threatened to hurt Gus if we didn’t do as he said. 

That if we got the authorities involved that he could kill Gus before they could do anything to rescue him. As crazy as the 

guy sounded I believed him when he threatened our son. The idea of Gus being hurt because of someone from my past was just 

horrifying. Try as we might Brian and I couldn’t figure out who would think that he and I'd ever been a couple. There had 

been so few men in my life, other than Brian, it didn’t take long to go through the list. 

We even had Michael, Ted and Emmett come over so that they could help us remember, that of course turned out to be a mistake 

of sorts. They couldn’t remember anyone and Ted couldn’t keep a secret from Mel if his life depended on it. I suppose we 

could of locked him up and then she couldn’t have seen him, that would have been the only way to keep the secret safe. 

Actually I was almost happy when she and Lindsay showed up Tuesday night.

I'd woken up from a fitful nap and Brian had gone to the gym to work off some of his worry, at least that's what his note 

said. I heard banging on the door and when I opened it there was a very angry Melanie and a very worried Lindsay on our 

doorstep. 

“I suppose you two were never going to let us in on the story?” 

I knew better than to try to deny it. “Mel please, we were going to tell you as soon as we knew something positive. We 

didn’t want to worry you any sooner than necessary.” 

“You mean Brian didn’t want to worry us.” 

“No it was a mutual decision. How long did it take Ted to spill the beans.” 

“Justin you know Ted didn’t have a chance, as soon as Mel saw him she knew something was up and he tried to keep the secret 

but Mel can open him up like a hot knife through butter.” 

“That’s OK Lindsay we probably should've called you when we first found out.” 

“You’re damned right you should've let us know. When we agreed to let Gus stay with you two, most nights, back when he 

started High School we never imagined that you'd keep us in the dark on something so important.” 

“Mel we never imagined something like this happening and we've been playing it by ear.” We'd moved into the living room 

which was still a mess. 

“God things are bad if you two haven’t cleaned up this room for as long as you obviously haven’t.” Lindsay said. 

“Who gives a fuck about clean rooms, what do you know and who's behind it?” 

“That's the problem Mel we don’t know who it is. He called Sunday night to let us know that he had Gus and called again on 

Monday to tell us that he'll trade Gus for me.” 

“What?” They both had exclaimed. 

“He thinks that Brian stole me from him 20 years ago and he wants me back. We can’t figure out who it could possibly be. We 

have been racking our brains over it and his calls haven’t helped matters any. He's threatened to hurt Gus if we get the 

authorities involved. I just woke up when you two started banging on the door, Brian has gone to the gym to work off some of 

his frustration and fears. Can I get you anything?” 

“Oh Justin just for once forget about being the good host.” 

“Thanks Linds I needed some humor.” 

“I didn’t mean it humorously.”

“Brian should be home soon, then the four of us can decide what to do from now on.” 

“Justin you know that this isn’t your fault. Some maniac develops a crush on you and steals our son so he can pretend that 

you'll become a couple. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t Brian’s fault either. I’m sure he's blamed himself as much as I’m 

sure you're blaming yourself.”

“But Lindsay it has to be my fault in some way, I had to have led this madman on at some point in the past otherwise why 

would he think we're destined by the heavens to be a couple?” 

“Linds is right Justin it isn’t your fault and you just stated the reason, he's a madman, who knows what causes a madman to 

think what he thinks?” 

“Mel I know that in my head but my heart still says that if something happens to Gussy it'll be my fault.” 

“Nothing is going to happen to Gus. Don’t even think that.” 

“Lindsay I know that but still, I wish Brian would get home.” 

“At least we don’t have to worry that he's in some backroom. You certainly tamed King Brian.”

“Mel I know that your sniping is a way of handling the stress but please don’t set Brian off when he gets home.” 

“Sorry Justin, I’ll try but you know Brian hasn’t taken my comments seriously since about the time you two got back together. 

“

The phone then started ringing. “That'll be the nutcase with his latest diatribe about that fucking thief Brian.” 

“Answer the phone Justin.” I put the phone on speaker so that Mel and Linds could hear him, maybe they would recognize the 

voice. 

“Taylor I just wanted to call and tell you that I now have the fucking thief in my possession. It's amazing how stupid the 

man is. Gus had no reason to worry yet Kinney should have known that I wouldn’t worry about meeting him in a public place. 

There he was sitting in the middle of the diningroom at Aunt Lu’s Diner, by the way his Jeep is in their parking lot you 

should send someone to get it, thinking that would keep me from doing anything. Ha Ha, I just walked up shook his hand and 

then when the drug took effect I just walked my drunk Uncle out of the room and no one said a thing.” 

I was dumbstruck but managed to speak. “What do you want now?” 

“Oh Taylor I want the same thing as always. You and me together forever. I've been watching Gus, he's an amazing young man, 

you raised him well. I’m sure that the thief had little to do with the man that he's become. Once we're together and have 

disposed of the thief then we'll take Gus in as part of our family.” 

“Look you crazy bastard, you better not hurt a hair on either one of them. Who the hell are you? How can you think that 

we'll ever be a couple when I don’t know who the fuck you are? How can you think I will ever love you when you've stolen my 

love away from me? How the fuck crazy are you? 

“Well I better go make sure that Gus wasn’t harmed by the sleeping pills I put in his drink. I also need to check and make 

sure Kinney isn’t too comfortable.” 

"Look you bastard how dare you drug my son, do you know what danger you put him in?” 

“Good bye my beloved.” With that he hung up the phone and I just collapsed, luckily onto the couch instead of the floor.

“Brian you fool, how could you think to do something so stupid by yourself.” Lindsay stated.

“Linds get a glass of water for Justin, he's in shock.” 

“No I’m OK but you understand how crazy this guy is don’t you?” 

“Still Justin how could Brian be so stupid?” 

“He was just being himself, trying to save his family from pain. Mel, Linds did you recognize his voice?” 

“No Justin, Mel did you?” 

“No, but he's totally insane so we're going to have to be very careful in how we deal with him. Justin you said that he has 

threatened Gus, and it's very obvious he isn’t a Brian Kinney fan. It probably will be wise to not call the authorities, 

someone that crazy might very well carry out his threat to hurt Gus or Brian.” 

“What are we going to do then?” 

“Well Justin we'll have just do what you have been doing and wait for his next call.” 

“Can you two spend the night? I don’t think I could stand being here alone.” 

“Sure sweetheart, Mel why don’t you go home and pack us an overnight bag. I’ll start cleaning up this room, we wouldn’t want 

Gus to think that his getting kidnapped caused us any alarm. Justin why don’t you go lie down on your bed and try to take a 

nap.” 

“Lindsay I’m not a little boy.” 

“I know that Justin but someone has to look out for you. Should I call Deb or your mother and have them come over?” 

“Going to play dirty are you Lindsay?” 

“If I have to Sunshine.” 

“OK you win but you wake me at once if anything happens.” I went to my room and laid down thinking I would take a short nap. 

It was noon on Wednesday when I woke up.

I figured that nothing had happened so I took the time to shower and change clothes. When I got to the living room the whole 

gang was there including my mother and Deb. 

“Sunshine how could you two think that you could keep this horrible news to yourself.” 

“Well Deb I don’t think we were really thinking past the next five minutes. Mom by any chance did you bring any cookies?” 

“Justin Taylor, of course I brought you your comfort food. Haven’t I always made you peanut butter cookies when you needed 

comfort?” 

“Yes Mom but I’m not thinking too clearly right now. 

Is there anything to eat, I’m suddenly hungry.” 

“I should hope so, when was the last time you had a real meal.” 

“I don’t know Deb, Sunday night. It's Wednesday isn’t it?” 

“Yes darling, is there anything more that we can do for you?” 

“All of you being here is enough, since all we can do is wait for the madman to call back. Has anyone had thought of anyone 

else this madman could be?” 

“No honey but we're here for you as long as you need us.” 

“Thanks Emmett.” 

Lindsay brought me a tray full of food, I don’t really remember what I ate but I do remember eating 3 plates of whatever it 

was. We'd spent the remainder of the day reminiscing about Gus and Brian. Everyone had a story or two about each and it did 

pass the time. 

I was amazed when Deb told us about Gus’ kissing game. Everyone else found it very amusing as well. 

“You mean that the little scamp pretended to be looking someplace so that Brian and I could kiss?” 

“Yes, that's what he told me, that the two of you wouldn’t kiss in front of him so he had to make sure that you got your 

quota of kissing by playing the game.” 

“Deb didn’t he realize that we kissed all of the time when he wasn’t around?” 

“Well I don’t imagine that he thought about that he just knew you didn’t kiss when he was looking. Why didn’t you by the 

way?” 

“Brian was afraid that people would think we were trying to recruit him.” 

“Brian actually said something that stupid?” 

“Yes Teddy he did,Brian wasn’t quite the monster everyone thought he was. He did worry about what people would think and he 

didn’t want Gus to suffer from anything that we did. That's why he was so proud of Gus when he was in Kindergarten and 

handled that situation so well.”

Eventually I sent everyone home, Mom and Deb wouldn’t leave until I ate something for supper. I had to promise that I'd let 

everyone know if anything happened. Michael didn’t want to leave but I convinced him that the madman might be watching the 

house and wouldn’t call if anyone else was there. So I was all alone when the maniac called again. 

“Taylor it's so good to hear your voice. I hope that you're taking care of yourself in this difficult time. I know that 

your family was there today and I hope that no one does anything foolish. I hate to keep harping on this but don’t do 

anything stupid if you want to see Kinney alive again, though why you would ever want to see that fucking thief is beyond me. 

Gus is well and sends his love. I suppose I should let you go.” 

“Wait, I’m willing to meet with you so that we can get this mess settled.” 

“Do you mean that beloved?” 

“Yes I want to settle everything as soon as possible.” 

“I’ll call in the morning to give you directions. But remember don’t get the police involved if you want nothing to happened 

to Gus or Kinney.” 

“I’m not going to do anything stupid.” CLICK

I knew that I had to get this situation over and meeting with the madman was the only way. I knew that I couldn’t let him 

get close enough to drug me but I wasn’t worried about that. I was pretty sure that I could out talk him and hopefully I 

would be able to get him to let Gus and Brian go. If I had to go with him then that was a price I was willing to pay. I had 

to get the two men in my life away from this maniac who kept threatening to harm them. Once they were free I could always 

get away from the madman and then we could get the police involved. I just hoped that when I finally saw the fool I would 

recognize him and that knowing who he was would make it easier to solve the situation.

I surprised myself by actually falling asleep Wednesday night. I suppose knowing that the situation was coming to an end 

allowed me to drop off. The next morning I woke to the phone ringing. I quickly answered but it was just Michael wanting to 

know if anything new had happened. I lied and told him that the guy had just called to gloat a little more about having 

caught the fucking thief. I told Michael that I needed to keep the line free in case the madman called back. I asked him to 

call everyone else and tell them not to call either. No sooner than I'd hung the phone up it rang and it was the madman. 

“Taylor I thought long and hard about where to meet you and I decided the best place would be where we'll set up our new 

home. I'll expect to see you and only you at 2 PM at our cabin. Here're the directions but remember that if you bring the 

authorities Gus and Kinney will be dead before they're found.” 

“OK I'll be there, by myself, at 2 PM. We'll settle this once and for all at that time.” 

“Thank you Taylor, you'll know that you love me once you see me. The heavens have destined us to be together forever.” 

CLICK

AT 2 PM I drove up to the cabin got out of my car and yelled at the door of the cabin. 

“Hey you crazy son of a bitch where are you? Show yourself, where're my son and partner? I’m here just like you said, show 

yourself and prove that they're OK or I’m gone.” 

A window in the second floor opened and Gus and Brian started yelling at me.

“Uncle Justin get away from here.” 

“Justin I thought I was the stupid one in the family get the police.” 

“Don’t worry guys I have it under control.” 

“Shit Justin the guy is a nutcase.” 

Just then the madman came running out of the door and stopped on the porch. It was in the shade so I couldn’t see his face 

clearly.

“Taylor come into the cabin where we can talk like civilized people.” 

“Will you let Brian and Gus go if I stay with you?” 

“Come inside and we'll talk about everything. You're so beautiful.” With that he went back into the cabin and I followed 

him. I could hear Gus and Brian though I didn’t really comprehend what they were saying. I just knew I had to get this mess 

over with and the two of them back home where they belonged.

Once he sat down on a decrepit couch I saw who he was and I was amazed. He was the absolute last person I would have ever 

thought of. This really proved how crazy he was if he thought that there was anyway the two of us had ever been a couple. 

“Chris Hobbs how in the world can you think that we were ever a couple. The last time I saw you at the Hospice you 

threatened me. Before that I just remember you swinging a bat at my head yet you think we're destined to be a couple?” 

“Chris is dead, my name is Mark. I would've killed him myself if I could have. How he could've hurt you is beyond my 

understanding.” 

“What do you mean he's dead, he's sitting right in front of me.” 

“No I’m Mark he died soon after he saw you at the AIDS Hospice.” 

It finally started to sink in, the guy was totally insane. He must've shed the Chris persona and adopted the Mark one so 

that he could forget his involvement in my bashing. I would have to use this to get Brian and Gus free.

“Taylor we'll be so happy. We're going to be the perfect gay couple. You'll be able to show me everything since I'm a total 

virgin. I'll be putty in your hands and what beautiful hands they are.” 

“Mark you have to know that we aren’t going to be a couple. I don’t love you, I don’t know you and the only reason I'm here 

is because you have my son and partner under your control.” 

“No Taylor you're here because the heavens have fated that we'll be together forever. We're destined to be a couple. You're 

destined to show me the bliss of being gay. You're destined to take every cherry I have to offer. I'm destined to make you 

as happy as humanely possible. Kinney stole you from me before I had the chance to show you how much love I have for you. 

You've lived with him thinking that you were in love but he corrupts you at every chance he gets. I've never been with 

another man how many has he been with? You deserve the perfect partner and that's what I'll be.” 

“You have no idea how crazy you are do you?” 

“As I said before I'm crazy in love. Taylor we're destined to be together.” 

“If we'e destined to be together then you would call me by my name.” 

“That would be disrespectful until we've become a couple.” 

“I can’t believe this, we aren’t a couple and we'll never be a couple.” 

“Taylor just let your true nature come through and you'll know that we're destined to be a couple. We're destined to make 

passionate love at every chance. We're destined to be together forever.”

“Look Mark we aren’t destined to be anything, that's a bunch of claptrap.” 

“Taylor you have to believe, let the past go and look to the future.” 

“All I know is that there's no future for the two of us. Sure you can make me go with you, so that Brian and Gus are freed. 

You can’t make me love you. You can’t make me enjoy having sex with you. You can’t be my lover if all I can think of is the 

man you made me leave. You can’t think that I'll ever forget how you forced me to be with you by kidnapping my son and 

partner.” 

“Taylor stop this, we'll be the best of friends as well as lovers, just go with the flow and realize that we're meant to be a 

couple.” 

“Mark, listen and listen well. We'll never be a couple. We're not destined to be a couple. You're bigger than me so yes 

you can force me to do whatever you want. You have Brian and Gus and I'll do what I have to do to make sure they aren’t 

hurt. None of this is love. You can forcibly kiss me, you can forcibly suck my cock, you can forcibly face fuck me, you can 

forcibly fuck me and you can even fuck yourself on my cock. But I'll never do anything with you that isn’t forced. Is that 

the relationship you want? Is it sinking into your head that we're never going to be a couple? Do you want to be guilty of 

rape and murder to go along with kidnapping and gay bashing?” 

“I told you that Chris is dead, he's the one that gay bashed you.” 

“No Mark you are Chris and this whole mess is just an attempt your subconscious is making to get you over the fact that you 

hit me in the head with a baseball bat. If we were to become a couple then that would mean I forgive you and that would make 

you feel better. Well understand this Chris, I'll never forgive you and we'll never be a loving couple. Now are you going 

to free my loved ones or are you going to kill all of us.” 

“Taylor how could you think I would harm you, it hurt me that you thought that I could hurt Gus. Let me come over there and 

hug you and kiss you to show you how much a couple we're destined to be.” 

“Mark if you come within my reach I'll hit you with every iota of strength I have. You can do whatever you want because we 

both know that you can physically overpower me but I'll be just a limp body that you force yourself on.” 

“How could I have been so stupid as to think that we could be a couple, Kinney has corrupted you too much for me to save you. 

To HELL with you I don’t need you, stay with the fucking thief for all I care. The key to the manacles is in the master 

bedroom, you'll have to look for it. We could've been the perfect couple Taylor but you’ve blown it again. I’m gone you'll 

never see me again and one last time Chris is dead.”

He'd then jumped up and ran out of the cabin leaving his gun behind. I'd just sat there not believing that everything had 

worked out for the best. Then I heard a huge explosion and I knew that he was right we would never see Mark or Chris again. 

He'd run his car into a tree or something and was finally paying the price of his actions. I slowly went up the stairs and 

found the room where my son and partner were chained.

“It's over guys, I’ll just go find the key and get the two of you free.” 

“Not before I hug the stuffing out of you.” 

“Me too Uncle Justin, get over here where we can reach you.” After a few minutes they let me go.

“What happened Uncle Justin?” 

“I made him realize that we would never be a couple, that was more than he could take and he ran out of the cabin and then 

ran his car into something. We'll never have to worry about Chris Hobbs again.” 

“Hobbs, it was Hobbs? Why didn't I recognize him?” 

“Yes it was Chris but he called himself Mark and claimed that Chris was dead. How many times did you ever see him Brian? 

Plus it was 20 years ago so of course you didn't recognize him.” 

“Well now that you mention it I remember that the judge at his sentencing called him Christopher Mark Hobbs.” 

“It's over thank God. I’ll go get the key and then we can go home. I guess we'll have to call the authorities and explain 

what happened. Then we'll have to explain everything to the family.” 

“It's over Justin you saved the day again.” 

“Brian how could you've been so stupid?” 

“Well Justin you’ve known me long enough to know that I don’t think when I should.” 

“Don’t I know it.” 

“Uncle Justin go find the key I’m tired of being practically naked and I want to go home.”

“Don’t worry Sonnyboy we’re going to be home before you know it and then we've some things to talk about.” 

“What?” 

“Why didn’t you let us know that you were coming home for the weekend?” 

“Can’t that wait?” 

“Sure Gus just don’t think we'll forget it.” 

“Brian you’ve been quiet.” 

“I’ve just been thinking about the party we're going to have to celebrate getting out of this mess.” 

“Don’t think that having a big party is going to get you off the hook for acting like a fool.”

“I was hoping Justin.” 

“It might work with me and the guys but don’t forget that we have four women in our lives who aren’t going to let us live 

this mess down anytime soon.” 

“Shit, I forgot about the Munchers and the Moms are going to be even worse aren’t they?” 

“They're probably going to make us wish that we were all still chained to this wall when they get done with us.” 

“Uncle Justin, Dad.” 

“Yes Gus.” 

“I’m going to go over to the window and look out at the sky for a few minutes.” 

“What does that mean Gus?” 

“Brian it means that he's giving us permission to kiss. So get your ass over here before he finishes his part of the game.”


	3. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

9 PM   
Monday June 21, 2021

 

Tree-house  
Kinney-Taylor backyard  
7600 Rivendell Road  
Pittsburgh Pennsylvania

Tommy Weatherly was so excited he couldn’t go to sleep. He’d been tossing and turning since he’d crawled into the sleeping bag after eating hot dogs and roasted marshmallows he’d cooked himself. His cousin Gus, on the other hand, was sleeping soundly in his sleeping bag on the floor of the tree house. Tommy knew Gus was asleep from the snores his cousin was producing. Tommy wanted to ask Gus why he snored and what snores were and why some people snored but others didn’t. Though Tommy was only 5 he knew better than to wake Gus up to ask him about snoring, he just hoped he would remember to ask him in the morning.

The day had been one wonderful event after another. Even now when he was tucked into his sleeping bag he was experiencing another first, he was still awake after 8, which he‘d never done before in his life. 

Since he couldn’t sleep Tommy decided to remember everything that had happened during the day.

****

The day hadn’t started out happy. 

When his Daddy woke him up Tommy remembered that his Daddy was going away again since he had on his Army clothes instead of his Doctor clothes.

“Tommy are you going to be the man of the house while I’m gone?”

“Yes Daddy, just like the last time. How long are you going to be gone? Will you be back before I start school? Why does the Army send you away?”

“Only two or three weeks this time Tommy. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Is Mommy making a special breakfast for you today?”

“I don’t know; why don’t we go and see if she’s doing anything special.”

*****

After breakfast, Tommy’s Daddy asked him if he wanted to go with him. Tommy didn’t think about how he would get home since he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his Daddy before he left. 

“Daddy why’s the sky blue, why’re the trees green, why does Uncle Justin live with Uncle Brian? Why does Gus look like Uncle Brian but with Uncle Justin’s hair?”

Since Tommy was only five he didn’t realize that his Daddy drove in the wrong direction for the airport when they left their house. Eventually Tommy noticed that they were going in the direction of his Uncle Justin and Uncle Brian’s house.

“Daddy why’re we going to Uncle Brian and Uncle Justin’s house instead of the airport? Isn’t their house in the wrong direction for the airport? Did you forget where you were going? Someone told me that when you get old you lose your memory. Daddy are you losing your memory and don’t remember how to get to the airport? Daddy why’re you smiling at me like that?”

“Will you give me a chance to answer a question before you ask the next one?”

“Sorry Daddy, but why’re we going to Uncle Justin and Uncle Brian’s instead of the airport? Are you running away from the Army? Is Gus going to be there too? Why does Gus live with his Daddies instead of his Mommies? Why don‘t Gus‘ Daddies and Mommies live together like you and Mommy live together with me and Anna?”

“Tommy do you really want to know the answers to all of those questions.”

“Sure I want the answers Daddy, why do you think I asked? Why doesn’t Gus have any brothers or sisters? Why does Uncle Brian look goofy when Uncle Justin smiles at him? Why does Uncle Justin blush when Uncle Brian whispers into his ear?”

With a sigh of relief Tommy’s Daddy had pulled into Brian and Justin’s driveway.

“Tommy we’re here. If it’s OK with you; Gus has agreed to let you stay with him today and tonight and he’ll take you back home tomorrow.”

“Of course it’s OK with me Daddy, I love Gus. Daddy is Uncle Justin going with you to the airport?”

“Why do you ask that Tommy?”

“Because he’s in a suit and has his art case and Uncle Brian is still in his bathrobe. Isn’t that a short robe Uncle Brian has on, it barely covers his bottom? Daddy why is Uncle Brian’s hair all mussed up? Why is Uncle Brian barefoot? Why is Uncle Brian playing with Uncle Justin‘s hair? Do you play with Mommy‘s hair like that? Will Anna look as much like me as Mommy and Uncle Justin look like each other?”

“Why don’t we get out of the car and go up and ask him?”

“Sounds good to me Daddy but you have to get me out of this car seat? When am I going to be old enough to not have to ride in a car seat? In case you forgot I’m five years old now.”

“Tommy I’m not going to forget that you’re five until you’re six.”

“Hi Uncle Brian, hey Uncle Justin.”

“Morning Tommy.”

“How’re you doing young TJ?”

“Uncle Brian why do you call me that? Why’re you barefoot? Why’s your hair all mussed up? Why’re your lips so red? Uncle Justin why’s your zipper open? Uncle Justin why do you look at Uncle Brian like that?”

“Tommy, Tommy give me a hug before I leave?”

“Sure Uncle Justin, where’re you going? Daddy’s going to the Army, are you going there too?”

“No Tommy I’m just going to Philadelphia for a meeting? Why’re you so full of questions this morning?”

“I don’t know Uncle Justin, they just keep coming into my head. Gus says you should never be afraid to ask questions. Where’s Gus?”

“That sounds like Sonnyboy; doesn’t it Sunshine?”

“Behave today Brian.”

“Like I don’t behave and Justin zip up your pants so that you’ll remember to behave.”

“Brian!”

“What does he mean Uncle Justin? Why won’t you behave if your zipper isn’t shut? Do you have problems with zippers Uncle Justin? I once zipped up too fast and Mommy had to help me out. She almost had a Sunshine smile as big as you get when you look at Uncle Brian when he isn‘t looking. Uncle Justin why did you blush?”

“See what you started Brian. Tommy why don’t you go wake Gus up. He’s usually the first one up in the morning but today he’s still in bed.”

“OK Uncle Justin, have a good time at your meeting. What kind of meeting is it? Why isn’t Uncle Brian going with you? Isn’t Uncle Brian kind of big for that little robe?”

“Tommy get yourself into the house before all of these questions wear me out.”

“Alright Uncle Justin but before you go I have to do something.”

“What?”

“Bend over.”

“OK now what? . . . . What was that for?”

“Well I know that Uncle Brian won’t kiss you good bye in front of me and Daddy so I just did it for him.” Tommy whispers into his uncle’s ear.

“You little scamp, into the house with you. Are you ready to go Stan? 

OK, now that the little question machine is in the house I can do what I want to do. Stan you might want to close your eyes.”

Justin steps over to Brian, pulls his face down, and gives him a Sunshine kiss to end Sunshine kisses and while he is at it his hand slips inside the robe and does some Sunshine work of its own.

“What was that for Justin, we already said goodbye in the foyer? You know Sunshine I‘m really glad that this house came with that foyer. It‘s also a good thing that the neighbors are used to us or someone would‘ve called the police by now.” Brian asks with a sly grin.

“Tommy told me that you wouldn’t kiss me good bye in front of Stan and him so I felt challenged to uphold the honor of our family. I‘ll agree we‘ve had our share of fun in that foyer over the years.”

“Justin you little scamp. I’ll see you tonight, don’t worry Stan, Gus’ll take good care of your question machine.”

“Molly and I never worry about Tommy when he’s with Gus, or you two for that matter. We better get moving if we’re going to make our plane Justin. Oh hell give him one more kiss.”

Taking his brother-in-law at his word Justin gives Brian another lip smacking kiss though this time his hand doesn’t add to the action.

 

*****

“Gus why’re you still in bed? Uncle Justin said that you’re usually the first one up so why’re you still in bed today? Why’s there a lump in your sheet? Are you sick? If you’re sick I can get Uncle Brian to take me home so that you can stay in bed and rest. You aren’t sick are you Gus? What’re we going to do today? Gus why do you sleep naked?”

“Tommy let me wake up before you start your 20,000 questions. We’ve all day for you to ask questions. My alarm didn’t go off for some reason and I sleep naked because, you know Tommy I really don’t know why I sleep naked. Now go watch TV while I get ready.”

“OK Gus. Why does Uncle Brian call you Sonnyboy?”

“How many times have I answered that question, so why’re you asking it again?”

“Just pulling your chain Gus.”

“Get out of here you little scamp.”

“Why do you and your Daddies pull everyone’s chain? I don’t remember Mommy ever pulling Daddy’s chain. Grandma doesn’t pull anyone’s chain either. What does pulling a chain mean? Will I want to pull everyone’s chain when I get old like you?”

“Get going Tommy, I have to take a shower before we start on our adventure and I can’t wash myself if you’re asking 10,000 questions.”

“Don’t take too long Gus I want to get started on our day.”

“Don’t worry Tommy I won’t be long, there won’t be enough hot water left for a long shower.”

“Why not?”

“Knowing Dad and Uncle Justin as well as I do they took a very long shower this morning. Now get a move on young man.”

“What does that mean Gus? Wouldn‘t the two of them taking a shower together use less hot water? Do they really take showers together? Sometimes Mommy gives Anna and me a bath at the same time. Did you know that girls don‘t have a penis?” Tommy asked as he left Gus’ room; Sunshine smile plastered on his small face.

“I’d heard that about girls Tommy but I think you’re pulling my chain again.”

 

*****

Hi again Uncle Brian. Are Daddy and Uncle Justin gone?” Why’re you still barefoot, why don’t you button your shirt all of the way up? Don’t laugh at me Uncle Brian I can’t help it that I ask so many questions.”

“I’m not laughing at you TJ but with you. I like the feel of my feet on this soft carpet and I didn’t button this shirt because I’ll be taking it off in a little while when I get ready to go to work. Don’t tell anyone but I usually take my shoes and socks off at work so I can stretch my toes there too. TJ have a good day with Gus but don’t wear him out. I remember when he was your age and how he used to wear me and Justin out without even trying.”

“Uncle Brian have you been taking smiling lessons from Uncle Justin?”

“Yes TJ I have, for about 20 years. I’ll see you and Gus at supper.”

“Good bye Uncle Brian.”

 

*****

 

“OK Tommy where do you want to go this morning?”

“Can we go to the zoo? Or we could go to “The Cabin” and fish.”

“We’ll have to go to “The Cabin” some other day when I can make plans for that. So I guess that leaves the zoo.”

“That’s great Gus but we don’t have to go to the petting zoo.”

“Why not, Tommy? The petting zoo was always my favorite part of the zoo. When I was about your age Dad and Uncle Justin moved into this house and Uncle Justin painted a mural of the petting zoo in my room. When I got older and decided I was too old for that he had four pictures made from part of the walls. I think they’re probably up in the attic, I’ll have to find them and let you see them some day.”

“I don’t like the petting zoo because of that damn goat.”

“What goat? Does your mother know you cuss?”

“Did I cuss? What’s cussing? The last time we went to the zoo that goat hit me in my bottom and knocked me over. It‘s not funny Gus.”

“Yes it is Tommy, yes it is. Did you ask the goat why he hit you?”

“Gus!!! I didn‘t think of that; would he have answered me if I had asked him?” Tommy answered in a completely serious manner.

“Tommy give me my chain back.” Gus said with a chuckle.

*****

“Well Tommy you must’ve had a good time at the zoo?”

“How can you tell Gus? Gus why do lions and tigers roar but the mountain lions don‘t? Why do the wolves howl? What was that rhino doing when it tried to climb on the other rhino?”

“I haven’t seen someone eat so much since the last time Uncle Justin and Dad went dancing.”

“Huh? I didn‘t know that they danced together. Are they good? I‘ll bet they look good even if they can‘t dance. Mommy says that Uncle Justin and Uncle Brian are the prettiest couple she knows. You know Gus I think that Mommy likes Uncle Brian almost as much as Uncle Justin does.”

“When they got home I thought that Uncle Justin was going to eat everything in the refrigerator. They look wonderful together. Remind me to tell you about my Prom someday. Does your mother know that you can eat so much fast food?”

“Probably, that’s why we never go to a place like this. Thank you again for eating here. Why do they call it fast food, it takes longer to get our meal here than it does at the Diner?”

“As if I could resist your Sunshine smile anymore than I can resist Uncle Justin’s version.”

“Gus why do you call Uncle Justin Uncle Justin? Isn’t he your other Daddy?”

“Yes he is Tommy, but he won’t let me call him what I want to call him. Worst of all he’s never given me a good reason why he won’t let me call him Papa.”

“I’ll ask him the next time I see him, maybe he can’t resist my Sunshine smile either.”

“You little scamp. You do have a very good version of the Taylor smile even if you are a Weatherly.”

“I could sneak it into all of my other questions. I‘m just as much a Taylor as a Weatherly, didn‘t you know that Gus?”

“That might work Tommy. Yes Tommy I knew that I was just kidding with you. I suppose I should’ve known that the son of a Doctor and a Nurse would know about genetics even if he’s only 5 years old. What do you want to do for the rest of the day?”

“Why don’t we go to the park?

“Sounds good to me.”

****

“Gus why do I go faster on the swing when I put my feet out and then back in? Why does the dirt separate into different sizes when I throw it on the slide? Why do ducks float on the water but robins sink? Why do you go to college at Penn State instead of at Pitt? Why doesn’t Uncle Brian like to kiss Uncle Justin in front of people? What does it mean when people say that Uncle Justin and Uncle Brian are gay? Why did you sigh like that?”

“Tommy I get tired just listening to your questions. I go to Penn State because my Dad went to Penn State. Dad and Uncle Justin are gay because they love each other instead of loving women.

What do you want to do tonight after supper? What do you want for supper?”

“Can we have a campout tonight and eat what we cook over a campfire?”

“Maybe some other day when I can make plans for camping out.”

“Gus we could camp out in your backyard and sleep in the tree house.”

“Tommy I don’t like going in the tree house.”

“Why Gus? Can’t we please sleep in the tree house, it would be the first time I’ve ever slept outside.”

“I have bad memories about the tree house Tommy.”

“What bad memories? Can’t we camp out there and make good memories?”

“I don’t like to think about it Tommy, but it has been years so I suppose we can camp out there tonight.”

“Thank you Gus, I love you so much. What’re we going to cook on the camp fire?”

“Tommy we can’t build a fire in the back yard, Uncle Justin would skin us alive if we burnt a hole in his lawn. I know we’ll get the old grill out of the attic, take the legs off, put it on some bricks and use that to build a campfire in. We’ll stop at the store on the way home and buy some camp out food. Have you ever roasted marshmallows?”

“No I’ve never roasted anything. Will Uncle Brian camp out with us? 

Why’re you laughing so hard Gus?”

“Dad doesn’t camp out Tommy besides Uncle Justin will be home tonight and Dad’ll want to celebrate his return.”

“What does that mean Gus, Uncle Justin just left this morning.”

“You’ll understand when you’re older Tommy. Dad hates it when Uncle Justin is away, even for a few hours and always celebrates when they get back together.”

“Why?”

“It has to do with something that happened between them back when I was a baby.”

“That long ago and they still remember.”

“For someone who doesn’t know what pulling a chain is you certainly know how to pull a chain. Don’t think that Sunshine smile will get you off of the hook.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Gus,” said with the biggest Sunshine smile of the day.

***

“Gus why’s the milk in the back of the store? What’s the difference between milk and buttermilk? Why’re there so many types of hot dogs? What’s the difference between hotdogs, wieners, and frankfurters? Why’re there 10 hot dogs in a package but only 8 buns in a package?”

“Tommy I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. Should we hunt up the manager of the store and ask him?”

“No Gus lets just finish up our shopping so we can go to your house and have our campout.”

 

*****

“Gus why’re we stopping at this store?”

“We need to buy some camping gear Tommy.”

“What kind of camping gear? I can’t wait to camp out Gus, do you think Uncle Brian and Uncle Justin will camp out with us tonight?”

“The tree house isn’t big enough for all four of us Tommy and Uncle Justin won’t get back to Pittsburgh before you have to go to bed.”

“I can stay up till Uncle Justin gets home. When’s he going to get home?”

“I promised your mother that you would go to bed at your bed time. You wouldn’t want me to get into trouble with your mother would you?”

“No Gus I don’t want you to get into trouble. But Gus all you have to do is look like Uncle Brian then stick your tongue into the side of your cheek and Mommy can’t get mad at you.”

“We’ll just have to see Tommy, I don’t think you can stay awake that long even if I were willing to risk Molly’s wrath and let you try. What color sleeping bag do you want?

“You’re getting me a sleeping bag?”

“Of course you can’t camp out without a sleeping bag.”

“Gus I love you so much. What else do we need to get for our campout?”

“Just some marshmallow skewers.”

“What are those?”

“Well you use them to roast marshmallows. I’m sure Dad will show you how to roast a marshmallow.”

“I can’t wait, are they good? Why’re you getting so many Gus, there’re only three of us.”

“Well Tommy they cost a dollar apiece but I can get a package of 6 for three dollars so that makes much more sense and besides now that we have them we can have a family cookout someday and we’ll have enough. Ready to go?”

The two young men get into Gus’ Jeep and start for home.

“I can’t wait Gus, I’ve never camped out before. You’re sure Uncle Brian won’t camp out with us, maybe we can ask Uncle Justin after they get back from the airport and they can sleep in the tree-house with us.”

“We can ask if you’re still awake but don’t get your hopes up. Like I said Dad will want to celebrate his Sunshine’s return.”

“What does that mean? Why do people call Uncle Justin Sunshine? Even Daddy calls him that.”

“Because of that Sunshine smile that all of you Taylors have. Debbie started calling him Sunshine and since it fit everyone in the family uses it.”

“Maybe I should start calling him Uncle Sunshine, do you think he would mind?”

“No Tommy he wouldn’t mind at all. Why did you get that frown on you face Tommy?

“I just wondered if I would still be your best friend when you and Katherine get married. When’re you two going to get married?”

“What do you mean? Katherine and I aren’t going to get married anytime soon.”

“That isn’t what Uncle Brian told Mommy last week. He said that the two of you were going to get married any day now. Why didn’t you tell me Gus, I’m your best friend?”

“I didn’t tell you because I’m not getting married anytime soon. Dad just likes to bug me about it and I guess now he’s trying to get the rest of the family involved too. Don’t worry Tommy you’ll always be my best friend, all that will happen when Katherine and I do get married is that she’ll be your best friend too.”

“Gus how come your Daddy loves Uncle Justin and your Mommy loves Melanie but you love Katherine? Shouldn’t you love another guy?”

“That’s not how it works Tommy. I’ve loved Katherine from the day I first met her and I plan on loving her until the day I die.” 

“Why’re we going around back?”

“It’s just easier to unload everything for our night under the stars back here Tommy. We’ll just put everything under the tree then go into the house to get the old grill and some matches.”

“Can we ask Uncle Brian if he wants to eat with us?”

“Sure Tommy we can do that, but don’t get your hopes up. Dad isn’t big on eating grilled food unless it’s a thick steak. Come to think of it he isn’t that big on eating much of anything. Pretty much as long as I can remember Uncle Justin has been trying to get Dad to eat more. I think that it’s more of a game with Dad that he plays with Uncle Justin.”

“What does that mean Gus?”

“It’s an adult thing Tommy, you’ll understand when you’re older. I’m technically an adult myself and I still don’t understand everything about those two. I just hope that Katherine and I are as happy when we get married as Dad and Uncle Justin are.”

“Me too! Slow down Gus you’re walking too fast for me to keep up. I might be five but you still have longer legs than I do.”

“Sorry Tommy. You wait here in the kitchen while I go up into the attic and get the grill.”

“OK Gus, can I get something to drink?”

“Sure, do you need help?”

“I’m not a baby I can pour a glass of juice by myself.” Said with a Sunshine smile.

While the two young men are smiling at each other a horrible sound comes from the back of the house.

“OH MY GOD, Dad what’s wrong.” Gus then races off with Tommy following behind.

By the time Tommy gets to the master bathroom Gus has thrown open the door entered the room and has begun laughing hysterically.

“Gus what’s so funny? What happened? What was that terrible sound? Gus are you listening to me? Uncle Brian why’re you holding your penis like that? Why’s your penis so stiff? What’s that white stuff on the shower curtain? Why’s Gus laughing so hard? Can’t you talk anymore Uncle Brian?”

“Gus get control of yourself and both of you get out of here.”

*****

“Gus what was Uncle Brian doing and why’s he so mad at us?”

“Dad isn’t mad at us Tommy, I just surprised him when I burst into the bathroom. I’ve wondered over the years why I’d never heard Dad sing, now I know why?”

“What? Why doesn’t Uncle Brian sing? Uncle Justin sings almost as well as he draws.”

“Well Tommy what do you think that horrible sound we heard was?”

“You mean that was Uncle Brian singing? No wonder we’ve never heard him sing before. Anna can sing better than that and she’s only 2 years old.”

“Tommy we can’t tell anyone about what we heard and saw today. Dad is a very proud man and it would hurt him is we told people how badly he sings. Do you promise not to tell anyone?”

“Of course I promise Gus, I love Uncle Brian and I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. But why didn’t he answer my questions.”

“That’s something else you can’t talk about, you’ll understand why in about 8 or 9 years but for now just forgot everything, and I mean everything, you saw and heard today, OK?

“OK Gus, can we start cooking soon? I’m starving.”

“I don’t think you’re starving but yes we can start, how many hot dogs do you want?”

“Four, but I bet you won’t make me that many.” Tommy grins from ear to ear as he answers the question.

******

“Hi Uncle Brian, did you come to roast marshmallows with us? Gus says you’re very good at burning them but I’m very good at roasting them so I can give you lessons.”

“I’m glad you have a sunshine smile on that cute little Taylor face of yours TJ. Yes I’ll roast some marshmallows and Gus has given me enough lessons over the years that I can actually roast most of them instead of burning them.” Brian says with a sunshine smile of his own.

“When do you expect Uncle Justin to get home Dad? He’ll be so proud that you only burned one of your marshmallows.”

“I expect him home in an hour or so Gus. You know Sonnyboy you aren’t too big for me to spank you. That would be something for TJ to tell the rest of the Weatherly clan wouldn’t it?

“I’m really scared Dad, really scared. What do you really want to talk about?”

“Guys I want you to promise that you won’t tell anyone about this afternoon.”

“We already agreed to do that Dad. We wouldn’t want anyone to know how badly you sing.”

“Gus I really meant what I said about spanking you.”

“Don’t worry Uncle Brian we won’t say anything, I don’t know why Gus was laughing so much so how can I say anything about it? Uncle Brian how come Uncle Justin doesn’t sing more than he does? Mommy has to pull teeth to get him to sing. He sings so well why doesn’t he do it more often? What does pulling teeth have to do getting Uncle Justin to sing?”

“I’m not really sure why Justin doesn’t sing more often. He does have a beautiful voice and he is a wonderful actor as well. I think his reluctance to sing has something to do with the time he was in a musical that the GLC put on before you were born TJ. Do you remember that play Gus? Do you have any idea why it put him off of singing?”

“Yes I remember it Dad, it’s kind of hard to forget your second father dancing around with a blanket. I don’t think I ever knew why Uncle Justin quit singing after the run of the play though. I guess we’ll have to ask him some day. Well Dad can I interest you in the last marshmallow in the bag?”

“No thanks Sonnyboy I’ve eaten too much sugar already tonight, I don’t want to be too hyper when Justin gets home, we have some serious items to discuss.”

“Uncle Brian why’s Gus laughing and rolling around on the ground again?”

“I don’t know TJ I think that I should send him to the Doctor tomorrow to see if there is anything wrong with him. Good night boys.”

“Dad don’t wear yourself out tonight, you do have to go to work in the morning?”

“What did you mean by that comment Gus?”

“Nothing Tommy I was just pulling Dad’s chain. Let’s put the fire out, go up to the house and get ready for bed and then we can come back here and you can start your first night sleeping outside.”

“Sounds like a plan to me Gus.”

*****

Tommy heard a car door slam and he knew that Uncle Justin had gotten home from Philadelphia. A few minutes later he heard a burst of laughter coming from his Uncle Brian and Uncle Justin’s bedroom window and he finally dozed off.


	4. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

December 2021

 

Gus Peterson-Marcus had just returned to his dorm room after finishing his last final exam for the 1st semester of his junior year at Penn State University. Gus was gathering up the last of his belongings to take home to Pittsburgh, for the semester break, when his phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Gus, this's your Grandma do you have time to talk?”

“Sure Grandma I was just making sure that I had everything I'll need for the next 3 weeks in Pittsburgh packed and ready to go. What can I do for you?”

“I need to talk to you in person, can you stop by my place tomorrow?”

“No problem Grandma, any time in particular?”

“I’ll be home all day so whenever is good for you is fine.”

“OK I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Thanks Gus I’ll expect you then. Goodbye.”

“Bye Grandma.”

***

“Anyone home?”

“I’m in the laundry room Gus, come help me fold clothes.”

“Uncle Justin why do you wash your clothes instead of sending them out, you certainly can afford it. Then again why didn‘t you and Dad hire a cleaning service years ago?”

“I could order every meal from some restaurant too, I can afford it but I enjoy cooking and doing the laundry is calming. Just because you can afford to pay for something doesn’t mean you have to pay to have it done. As to a cleaning service I just never felt comfortable having someone clean up after me, especially after your Dad‘s cleaning lady walked in on us one day at the Loft. Your Dad would say that I prefer living in a mess. But as I recall he barely even noticed that she was in the room while I turned every shade of red from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, which she saw completely.”

“Dad's never been worried about anyone seeing him naked. How many pairs of underwear do you two have?”

“I don’t have a clue, your Dad enjoys buying clothes, he sees something new and he can’t help himself. We probably have more designer label items than anyone else in Pittsburgh. Have you looked in your closets and dresser lately; I imagine there are plenty of items he's bought for you over the years. I said I find doing the laundry calming but I don’t do it very often. Most of our business attire goes to the dry cleaners and I send most of our shirts and pants out at the same time. So every few weeks I wash whatever is left, mainly underclothes, socks, bedding, and towels.”

“That's more than I really wanted to know Uncle Justin; which is why I never asked before. Wha're we having for supper?”

Since I didn’t know for sure when you would get home, even though you did call, you weren‘t very specific about the time you were planning on leaving State College, I didn’t make any plans, we'll just wait for your Dad and go out somewhere. You'll be going somewhere with Katherine tomorrow I imagine so I guess the next big meal I'll make will be Sunday dinner. I’ve invited the gang over for a pre Christmas get together. What sounds good to you?”

“I always like fried chicken but anything you make is good.”

“I’ve never had any luck with lamb for some reason. All right we'll have fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, with asparagus. Followed by cherry chip cake with vanilla ice cream. Your Dad has said on more than one occasion that I should be a cherry chip cake by now. He still resents my metabolism to this day. Remind me to buy some chickens tomorrow.”

“That reminds me I have to stop by Grandma’s tomorrow, she called me and asked if I could come by her house when I had some free time. She probably needs something carried out to her storage room again. I can pick up anything you need from the store on my way home before I pick Katherine up for our date. Just give me a list in the morning.”

***

“Hey Sonnyboy, how did your tests go?”

“Hey Dad, I think I probably flunked the lot of them.”

“Like we would believe that. Have you proposed to Katherine yet?”

“Dad, will you give that a rest? I aced my tests like I always do. Do you like that answer better?”

“In order: no, yes.”

“You know I’m not proposing until after I graduate. Do you plan on asking that question every time you see me?”

“I think he's figured it out Sunshine.”

“Why Dad?”

“Because it bugs you Sonnyboy.”

“Dad.”

“Gus it's best to withdraw from the fight when it's obvious you can’t win.”

“Thanks Uncle Justin I’ll try to do that next time.”

***

“Hi Grandma, what do you need moved?”

“Nothing Gus I just need to talk to you about something. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it over the phone.”

“That sounds serious.”

“It is Gus. I hate to put you on the spot but you're the only one that has a chance of getting Justin to talk to his father.”

“What? You do remember what happened that last time I tried to get Uncle Justin and Grandpa to talk to each other?”

“Yes Gus I remember and I wouldn’t ask but it's important that we try. Craig won’t push Justin and Justin needs to make up with Craig before it's too late.”

“Too late, I don’t like the sound of that.”

“I went to see Craig last week to decide what we should get Tommy and Anna for Christmas this year. You know that we've gotten them one present from their grandparents instead of one from each of us? Anyway I caught Craig by surprise and he wasn’t able to hide how much pain he was in. He only has a few months left Gus, if Justin's ever going to make peace with his Dad he has to do it soon or he'll lose the chance. I know my son well enough to know that no matter how much Craig hurt him all those years ago he'll never forgive himself if he lets Craig die without making up. I also know that Justin wants to make up with his Dad but he just can’t get past what Craig did 20 years ago. I would just tell Justin to go see Craig but I know that wouldn’t work. I just decided that maybe it would take one of your plans to get Justin past his anger to the point where he can finally forgive Craig. What do you think Gus?”

“I think that I won’t do anything to risk my relationship with Uncle Justin again. I spent over a week thinking that I had ruined it the last time and I’m not willing to go there again. But don’t worry Grandma   
I won’t let Uncle Justin regret for the rest of his life not making up with Grandpa. I have an idea; it's amazing how quickly I can think of these plans, on how I can get Uncle Justin to change his mind about seeing Grandpa. But I’m sure that in the long run I'll just have to tell Uncle Justin that Grandpa is dying. The plan will be just to get him in the mood to hear what I have to say. Grandpa knows why Uncle Justin has been so reluctant to make up, I know as well, but you're right Uncle Justin does want to make up, he still doesn‘t want to admit it to himself though.”

“Gus neither your Grandpa or I would want you to risk your relationship with Justin so don’t do anything that would do that.”

“I learned my lesson last time, so I won’t risk my relationship but I'll get Uncle Justin to at least talk to Grandpa, I can’t promise anything more than that. I'll also make sure, within reason anyway, that no one besides me will say anything about Grandpa dying. It'll probably be obvious to Uncle Justin but no one will say it directly to him. Of course Dad'll end up being the final straw though since he'll support Uncle Justin but in such a way as to make Uncle Justin think about seeing Grandpa.”

“What do you mean Gus?”

“Uncle Justin'll figure out what is up, will complain to Dad about everyone pushing him to see Grandpa and Dad'll tell him not to do anything he doesn’t want to do. But he'll do so in such a way that Uncle Justin'll have to at least think about seeing Grandpa. As much as they hate to admit it I know how to push their buttons when I want to. As much as I hate to admit it they know how to push my buttons. Dad knows how much it bugs me for him to ask if I’m going to ask Katherine to marry me but he still asks every time we meet or talk on the phone.”

“It always amazes me how wrong I was about Brian when Justin first started chasing after him. I never thought that they had a chance, that Brian would hurt Justin more than Justin would be able to handle. Of course they've been almost a perfect couple for over 20 years now. You'll never have to worry about Brian and Justin‘s love for you Gus, no matter what you do they'll love you. Of course you've been pretty much the perfect son and grandson.”

“Grandma you're making me blush.”

“Why do you think I said what I said? By the way, while you're here, you might as well take the trash out.”

“Grandma!”

***

“I got an extra chicken Uncle Justin, just in case, since the're on the small side. The store didn’t have any fresh asparagus so I got green beans instead, I’ll make them my special way, you do have some bacon grease in the fridge don’t you?”

“Bacon grease in Brian Kinney’s house? He would have a heart attack if he found bacon grease in the fridge so I keep it in the pantry freezer, just get some of it out in the morning to thaw but don‘t leave it out where he can see it or I won‘t hear the end of it for weeks.”

“Does Dad know you keep things from him?”

“Of course he does and I’m sure he keeps things from me. Every couple has to have some secrets from each other Gus. But we learned long ago that while it works for us to keep little things secret we don’t keep anything of any real importance from the other one. It doesn’t matter if I keep the fact that I sometimes use bacon grease in my cooking from him but it would matter if I kept it secret that I had made a million dollars from selling a nude painting of him.”

“You didn’t?”

“Didn’t what? Paint him nude or sell one for a million dollars?”

“Well I know that most of your drawings and paintings of Dad are erotic in nature, I got past that years ago, but did you sell one for that kind of money?”

“I can only wish. The only picture of your Dad, recognizable as Brian anyway except for close family and friends, I ever sold was at the GLC art show back in 2000, it sold for $100, and that was for charity and I didn’t get a penny. It certainly surprised the hell out of me when I finally found out who bought it. Most of the pictures I‘ve done of Brian aren‘t erotic.”

“I guess that's in the eye of the beholder then. Who bought the one of Dad that you sold then?”

“Your Dad, who else, the art show was back when he denied that he felt anything for me yet he couldn’t keep from buying a picture I had drawn, of him, one night when he was asleep. He claimed that he didn’t feel anything for me yet he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He didn’t do a trick more than once but by the time of the art show I had already lost count of how many times we had fucked; not really, I knew exactly how many times but even Brian knew it was a lot more than once. When we were packing up the Loft to move to this house I found the picture at the bottom of one of his drawers. He claimed that he just bought it so I would think that someone had found my work good enough to buy and I would be encouraged to keep drawing. I knew better and he knew that I knew but we’ve never said anything about it since. It probably is still at the bottom of one of his drawers. Have I ever told you how glad I am that you got the two of us back together?”

“Yes and are you going to tell me the story?

“Not tonight that's something your Dad and I'll have to do together. Well you probably better go get ready for your date with Katherine and don‘t worry I‘m not going to ask about your intentions.”

“Thanks Uncle Justin, I shouldn’t let it bother me so much but it does.”

“That's why he does it Gus, he loves his little Sonnyboy so much and it's his way of keeping you a little boy; if only for a few minutes at the time he does it. When you and Katherine get married he'll be the 2nd proudest father in the United States, I'll be ahead of him by a nose. Then when you make us grandfathers he'll be the first to deny being old enough to be a grandfather but mark my words; Brian Shawn Kinney'll be a wonderful grandpa.”

“I’ll see you before I leave.”

***

“Mikey I need to call a family meeting for tomorrow. Can you ask everyone without letting Dad or Uncle Justin knowing about the meeting?”

“Gus you haven’t decided that you're Gay after all have you?”

“Mikey that isn’t funny.”

“Yes it is Gus, yes it is.”

“I was only 13 what did I know? Can you get everyone to the store tomorrow, it's important and very important that Dad and Uncle Justin not know about it.”

“Don’t worry Gus, I’ll have everyone there tomorrow at 5, what's up? I’ll need to tell them why you're calling a meeting.”

“Just tell them that I’ll explain it all tomorrow but that it's much more important than the last time.”

“OK Gus we'll be there and we'll do whatever you need us to do.”

“Thanks Mikey, it is important.”

***

“Hi everyone thanks for coming on such short notice.”

“Well honey, as long as it isn’t about your sexuality we'll do what we can.”

“Aunty Em give it a rest.”

“Gus when does Emmett ever give anything a rest.”

“Teddy be nice to me.”

“Guys I have to ask for your help in running one of my plans.”

“Since Brian and Sunshine aren’t here I assume that it deals with one or the other of them?”

“Yes Deb it does. I’m going to ask you all to try to influence Uncle Justin but you absolutely can’t directly tell him what we're trying to do and why we're doing it. He'll figure it out but I promised Grandma that you wouldn’t tell him directly. Once the plan has run its course I'll probably have to tell him but only as the last step. I’m also counting on Dad doing his part, even though he won’t know that he's doing it. Well he'll know what he's doing he just won’t know that I'm planning on him doing what he's going to end up doing.”

“Gus do you have any idea what you just said, because I certainly don’t”

“Yes Mama I know what I said and what it means. Dad, don‘t tell him I said this, is the most predictable person in the family. He'll support Uncle Justin 100% but in such a way as to push him into making the right decision.”

“You’ve lost me Gus, just tell us what you want us to do; it'll be easier in the long run.”

“Thanks Teddy. As you all know Uncle Justin refuses to forgive and forget those things that Grandpa, did all of those years ago. Well he's running out of time, Grandpa only has a few months left and Uncle Justin'll never forgive himself if he lets Grandpa die before he makes up with him. None of you can actually say that Grandpa is dying; that will be up to me if necessary, and it will be necessary. What I need for you to do is to point out various things that you regret not doing before it was too late. Teddy you probably should stay away from Uncle Justin since we all know that you can’t keep a secret. Deb you too since we all know that all Uncle Justin would have to do is give you a Sunshine smile for you to spill your guts.”

“Sweetie you know me too well but he might come seeking me out, if he does I'll try not to spill the beans but I won’t guarantee anything.”

“Gus I would resent your accusation if I could possibly disagree with you. It would be nice if I could keep a secret just once but that's just a pipe dream.”

“We do need to rush this though, which will make it more obvious as to what we're up to but Grandpa doesn’t have much time left. Thanks again for helping me guys. You all know how much I love you I’m sure but I’ll repeat it just to be sure. I love each and every one of you.”

“Gus as much as you look like Brian there's no doubt that you're Justin’s son.”

“Thanks Mikey.”

***

“Hi Justin.”

“Emmett what're you doing here?”

“Can’t I take one of my best friends in all of the world out to lunch?”

“Sure you can but you never have. What's up?”

“Nothing is up honey, I was just in the neighborhood and decided what the hell I would take you out to lunch and find out how you are. I just don’t see you or Brian often enough.” 

“Emmett we just had dinner at our place Sunday, don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember Sunshine but that was the whole gang I meant I don’t see you alone very much. We can’t dish like we used to when the whole family's in the room.”

“All right Em where do you want to eat? Let me call Brian and see if he wants to join us.”

“No Justin don’t bother him, just you and me kid.”

“OK Em.”

“This is a wonderful restaurant Justin and so close to your office. Did I ever tell you how much I’ve regretted never going back to Hazelhurst and making things better? I certainly could've afforded to do it in the last 10 years but I just kept putting it off and then next thing you know it's too late. Oh well I guess I just put it off too long since there's no one there that I need to make up with.”

“No Em you’ve never mentioned anything like that before. Why'd you bring it up today?”

“I don’t know I just thought of it for some reason. You know me, I think of something and out of my mouth it comes. What're you going to have for dessert?”

“Nothing Emmett I need to get back to work, thanks for lunch.”

“Bye Justin we'll have to do this again soon.”

“Sure Em. Good bye.”

***

“Hi Mel, what brings you here?”

“I came to see Gus, where is he?”

“Gus took Katherine Christmas shopping.”

“Well then I guess the two of us can have a talk. Have you updated your will lately?”

“What? Why would you ask something like that?”

“Just the lawyer in me I guess. I don’t know how many times over the years one of my clients has died without making sure that their will was up to date. Then it's too late to fix things the easy way. I try to tell people don’t put things off but most just keep putting things off.”

“I’ll keep that in mind but didn’t we update my will in July?”

“Did we, I guess my memory is failing me I could have sworn that it had been years since we did that, maybe it's Brian’s I’m thinking about?”

“No you did Brian’s at the same time. Is something up Melanie?”

“Nothing that I know about Justin. Well I suppose I better let you get back to whatever you were doing. Tell Gus I dropped by and that he could come by the house more often than he does.”

***

“Hey Boy Wonder.”

“Michael, what's going on?”

“What do you mean Justin?”

“When was the last time you called me Boy Wonder? When was the last time Emmett, Melanie, and you dropped in on me in a span of 2 days? Tell me Michael what the fuck is going on?”

“Nothing the fuck is going on Justin. I was just walking down the street and saw you sitting in this coffee shop, I decided to stop and see how you're doing. Are you meeting someone you don’t want me to see? Are you cheating on Brian again? Doing so in the lobby of his building isn’t very smart though. Or has living with Brian all of these years finally made you paranoid?”

“Michael, something's up and you know it. I also know that you aren’t going to tell me either. But how dare you suggest, even in jest, that I would cheat on Brian? You know how much that little incident hurt Brian and me so you know I would never do something like it again. I think that you'd better just keep on walking down the street.”

“Justin, get a grip. Nothing's going on. I was just kidding, I’ve known for years that you and Brian are the perfect couple, even if I’ve not really wanted to admit it. Hell I probably knew it from the moment you entered all of our lives. But really I just saw you here and wanted to talk. Can we talk or do you really want me to just leave you to your thoughts?”

“Sorry Michael, sit down and we can talk. It's suspicious though everyone suddenly wanting to talk to me.”

“Justin I’m afraid that Brian is finally rubbing off on you. I would expect him to think something was up just because his friends want to talk but I never expected it of you. Anyways I’ve been thinking about how we really blew it when we threw away “Rage”. I ran across a copy of it the other day in the attic of the store. I know that at the time it would have been impossible for us to work together. I know that I really hurt you by going behind your back and telling Brian about what I had seen. I know now that I should've talked to you about seeing you kiss Ethan but at the time all I could see was that you were stabbing Brian in the back. I had to protect him though you would think that after 16 years of comforting Brian I would've known that I couldn’t protect him from the world. My job was to help him deal with what the world did to him. I never tried to protect him from his father just put him back together after the latest episode. I didn’t try to protect him from the Kip mess I just tried to make him forget his problems for a while. But I did put myself in where I shouldn’t have and I'm truly sorry that I hurt the two of you so much. Hell when I told Brian the earth shattering news that you were cheating on him he was flirting with some nameless trick. Anyway we should've figured out a way to bring “Rage” back after you and Brian got back together and I admitted to myself that you truly were the love of his life. I often think how much I regret not making that little admission of guilt back then. Just think we could've one of biggest comic book hits going if we'd made that little reconciliation back then.”

“Michael it's been 20 years since that fateful night when I left Brian standing alone in Babylon and “Rage” died. Why would you ever think about it, I certainly don’t? When Brian and I got back together, thanks to Gus, the last thing I worried about was “Rage” so even if you had tried to start it back up I doubt I would've helped you. It took me years to get to the point where I could do more than just tolerate you as a part of Brian’s family. I’m sorry to tell you that Michael but I don’t regret for a minute that we never started “Rage” up again. That's a part of my life that I was very happy to forget about. As Brian has stated on an occasion or two, regrets are bullshit.”

“Sorry you feel that way Justin, but I do regret that I caused so much pain between you and Brian and that I threw away something I had dreamed about my entire life because I was jealous of your relationship with Brian. It took me a long time to admit that to myself but it's true. You took from Brian what I had waited 16 years for him to give to me and I resented you for having the balls to do it. But Brian is wrong; regrets can point you in the right direction to make things right. We all have made decisions, that at the time were probably right, that outlive their usefulness and we have to be able to admit that they are no longer valid and regrets are a way to get to that point of realization. Well it was nice to talk with you; I’ll see you around. Bye Justin. Don’t forget to stop by and see Ma she's always telling me she doesn’t get enough Sunshine in her day anymore.”

“Bye Michael, don’t worry I’ll go see Deb soon.”

***

“Hi Lindsay, I see it's your turn.”

“What? What do you mean Justin?”

“Lets see Emmett saw me Tuesday at lunch, Melanie came by Tuesday afternoon after work, then Michael conveniently walked by where I was having a coffee break on Wednesday and you show up on Thursday. I’m not stupid Linds I actually can put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4.”

“Justin I don’t know what you're talking about, what's so surprising that your friends come by to see you?”

“Nothing except that 4 of you in 3 days, hasn’t happened before in 20 years so of course it's surprising. You can tell Gus that he's losing his touch. Then it's probably part of the plan that I figure out that ther's a plan going on. You can tell Gus to not plan on spending the night here, he can stay with you and Mel or with Katherine, I don’t care, but he knows that I don’t want anything to do with my father and he knows what the price is for trying to make me regret not making up with the bastard.”

“Justin I really don’t know what you're talking about. I just thought I would stop and see you. Talk about whatever comes up. But if my dropping by bothers you I guess I’ll just go on home.”

“Don’t mind me, I’ve been working on a new project that isn’t working out so I’ve been on edge for the last week or so, you can ask Brian. Well Lindsay what do you regret?”

“Is that a trick question Justin? I regret a lot of things, I’m sure we all regret something in the past that at the time seemed like the right thing to do. I regret not pushing my art career but then I’ve enjoyed my years as a teacher. I regret that my parents were killed before they had time to really get to know Gus. But then they might never have been willing to be grandparents to him and that would've hurt him. I regret not having another child so that Gus could've had a sibling. But maybe he wouldn’t have been happy with a brother or sister.”

“Lindsay you have to go now. I have to get back to work. Thank you for stopping by. Make sure to tell Gus to stay away from the house tonight. I don’t want to see him. Good bye.”

“Justin what's the matter?”

“Just go home Lindsay.”

“Justin, what did I say?”

“GET OUT!”

*** 

RING RING

“Gus.”

“Hi Mom what's the matter?”

“What do you mean?”

“You sound upset. Did you see Uncle Justin today?”

“Yes Gus I did and he knows that something's up. He told me to tell you that you know the price for trying to make him deal with his father and to not come home tonight. He was edgy the whole time I was there but at the end he almost physically threw me out of the house. I’ve never seen Justin act that way. Brian told us how Justin acted when he first moved into the Loft after he was bashed but I never saw him act with such unprovoked anger. Actually I’ve never seen Justin act like that with provocation. Be careful son I don’t want you having problems with Justin again. I really don’t know what I said that set him off though.”

“What did you tell him that you regretted?”

“Just that I regretted not pushing my art career, that my parents didn’t really act like grandparents to you before they were killed, and that I never had a younger sibling for you. I really don’t see how any of that would bother Justin so much. Maybe it was just that we pushed too hard about regrets.”

“Don’t worry Mom I'll deal with Uncle Justin. Just make sure that my bed is findable just in case I do have to spend the night with you and Mama.”

“Oh Gus you know that your room's exactly the way you left it the last time you spent the night.”

“I know Mom but I have to pull your chain one in awhile, it keeps me in practice for pulling Dad and Uncle Justin’s chains. Good bye Mom.”

“Bye Honey.”

***

“Justin why are you just standing there staring into space?”

“Am I Brian? What're you doing home so early?”

“I’m not early Justin, what happened today?”

“Lindsay dropped by and I almost physically threw her out of the house?”

“What? What could Lindsay ever do to make you that angry?”

“She was just here doing her part of Gus’ latest plan. I think I almost scared her though.”

“Gus's running a plan, didn’t that boy learn his lesson?”

“Yes he is and the family's going along with it so it has to be important. It was very clumsily done so Gus must want me to know what he's up to. Emmett, Mel, and Mikey told me things they have regretted not doing before it was too late. Then Lindsay came by to do her part but she unwittingly stepped on my toes. It's been so many years and yet it still hurts so much.”

“What did she say?”

“That she regretted not giving Gus a younger sibling.”

“Justin you know that she doesn’t know anything?”

“Yes I know that but it still hurt so much.”

“Why're they telling you about their regrets?”

“So that I'll admit to myself that I regret not making up with my Dad. Something bad must be happening or Gus wouldn’t risk pushing me to meet with Dad.”

“Justin you have to do what's right for yourself. But maybe it's time for you to forgive him for whatever he said about me.”

“What do you mean Brian?”

“Justin we all know that you overreacted a couple of years ago when Gus had you meet your Dad at the Colonial. If the only thing he'd done were those that we know about you would've forgiven him years before since they were just about what he did to you. The fact that you hadn’t forgiven him meant that it had to do with Gus or me. Since you haven’t objected to Gus getting to know him then it has to be about something Craig said about me. We both know that it must be very important for Gus to risk alienating you again after the last time so forgive him already and go see him.”

“I know that I should but I can’t. I know that he must be dying since that's the only thing that would make Gus risk pushing me. Brian, he wished that Hobbs had sprayed your brains all over that parking garage, I simply can never forgive him for that.”

“Then don’t forgive him but then you can’t blame yourself for not making up with him before he dies. Just go and see him once, play it by ear from there. Gus believes in him so he really must want to make things right with you.”

“I know all of that in my head but my heart still gets in the way. There's no way he can explain away wanting you dead so that I would come to my senses and come home. I'll think about it and I'll listen to what Gus has to say but I can’t promise anything. I hate the man but I still love my father.”

“Justin I'll support you no matter what you decide to do. Gus'll support you no matter what you decide to do. Hell the whole family'll support you no matter what you decide to do. You just have to decide what's best for you.”

“Brian why don’t we go engage in some mindless sexual behavior before Gus shows up trying to convince me to see my Dad. As long as we're involved in our favorite activities I don’t have to think about this problem.”

“Justin Craig Taylor have I ever said no when it truly matters. Hell have I ever said no when you've offered me your perfect body?”

***

“Well I see that the two of you have been busy while I’ve been out of the house.”

“What does that mean Gus?”

“Well Dad the only time you eat ice cream this late at night is after you've been physically active.”

“Gus didn’t you get a message from your mother?”

“Yes I did Uncle Justin and I know that you didn’t mean it. We have to talk as you full well know.”

“Well then I guess I better let the two of you have some privacy.”

“Brian you don’t have to leave, after all you know as well as I do what he's going to tell me.”

“Sure Dad you can stay, it involves you.”

“Besides Brian I'll be able to stay calmer with you in the room. After all of these years just thinking about my Dad drives me batty.”

“Uncle Justin, it's obvious that you've figured everything out, do I need to actually say the words?”

“Yes Gus you do. Even though I’m 99.9% sure what you're going to say there still is that slight chance that I’m wrong. I‘m hoping that I‘m wrong for many reasons.”

“I’m sorry but you're right, Grandpa is dying and you have only a few months to make up with him or lose your chance forever. Uncle Justin he truly regrets what he did all of those years ago. He truly wants to have you in his life so that he can try to make up for throwing you away. He fully admits that he was horribly wrong about you and Dad. Uncle Justin I knew that the plan would end up with me having to tell you that your father has only months to live but I knew that I had to run the plan just so that you would have some time to think about meeting with him instead of just saying no off hand. We all know that you'll regret it forever if you don’t at least try to make amends with Grandpa before he dies. But I'm curious why you got so mad at Mom.”

“I don’t really know why I got so mad Gus she just stepped on an old wound. There're times when I hate it that you know me so well. Then I turn around and think how proud I am that you know me so well. You're right that if you had just asked me to see Dad I would have said no without thinking. Your so obvious plan, tell the gang they did their parts perfectly, made me think about it. I don’t want to see him Gus, you know why. I’m sorry that he's dying but I don’t want to see him. He hurt me so much when he wished Brian dead so I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to see him Gus, I don’t want to see him but I'll see him. I'll give him a chance, set up a meeting but don’t expect too much from it.

“That's all anyone can ask. Listen to what he has to say. Decide what you want to do on what he says not on the fact that he's dying. Whatever you decide to do, you know that I love you Uncle Justin and that I always will.”

“Gus, I hope things work out but I’m not going to count on it. Dad hurt me so many ways back then I just don’t know if I can get past 20 years of disappointment.”

***

“Brian did I just agree to talk to my father? Did I actually agree to try to forgive him? Did I lose my mind?”

“No Sunshine you haven’t lost your mind. You're going to do what you should have done years and years ago. Do exactly what Gus said, listen to your Dad and then decide if he's sincere. I never had a good relationship with my Dad but it did make it easier on me after his death that I had at least tried to reach out to him in the last months. I'll support you no matter what you decide to do. I love you Justin so no matter what you decide I'll be there.

“I know all of that Brian, I have to see him and I have to forgive him, he's dying but I just don’t know if I can do it. Why don’t we go back to bed and have some character building sex.”

“Have I ever said no to you when it truly matters?”

*** 

RING RING

“Hi Grandpa, this's Gus.”

“Hello Gus, why're you calling so late?”

“I just wanted to know when would be a good time for Uncle Justin to come and see you.”

“Gus what's up? Why would Justin want to see me?”

“I finally got him to the point where he's willing to try. So when's a good time?”

“Gus what aren’t you telling me?”

“Grandpa he knows. Grandma told me and asked me to run a plan so that Uncle Justin would be willing to try to make up with you before it was too late. I’m so sorry that you're dying. Uncle Justin wants to make up with you but he still is so hurt by what you said about Dad.”

“Gus I’ve lived the life I led and I've made my peace with everyone in my life except Justin. So if you've gotten him to the point where he'll at least try then I'll do my best to ease his pain. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could take back those idiotic comments and actions that I made to and about Justin and your Dad. Once I finally realized how stupid I'd been I was too afraid to try to make up with Justin and I let way too many years go by. Once I finally got the courage to try he was so angry when he saw us together that you almost ruined your relationship with him. I told you at the time I wouldn’t do anything to hurt your relationship with Justin and I meant it. If you're sure that Justin really wants to give me a chance and isn’t just feeling sorry for me then tell him to come anytime he wants.”

“Of course he feels sorry but that isn’t the reason he agreed to see you. I imagine he'll be by in the next couple of days, if not tomorrow. Good luck grandpa.”

“Good bye Gus, thank you for everything you've done for me. I only wish that you'd been in my life longer than you have been. I only wish I hadn’t been such an idiot.”

***

“Hi Dad.”

“Justin.”

“Well now that that is over with I guess we can get to the heart of the matter.”

“Son, how can I ever apologize for what I’ve put you through? First for the idiotic things I said and did so long ago and then for being too cowardly to face you and beg for your forgiveness.”

“I want to know why my being gay caused you to forget everything that we'd done before then. I thought we'd loved each other. I thought you were the perfect Dad and then when I disappointed you in who I was you threw me away. How could you forget all of the years before I met Brian and fell in love?”

“Justin, all I can say is that I was trying to protect you from a man that I decided was a monster.”

“Dad how can you say that; how could you believe something like that. You didn’t even know Brian.”

“Justin, when your mother told me that you were gay and actually doing sexual things with others I didn’t want to believe it. I assumed that you were fooling around with a boy your age, and then your mother told me that it was a man, that threw me for a loop. Not only was my little boy changing into a man that I couldn’t understand he was doing things I couldn’t understand with a grown man. That he was letting a grown man do horrible things to him and loving that man for doing those horrible things. I just couldn’t buy the idea that a grown man would have any real interests in a little boy. I might have known that you were almost 18 but in my heart you were still the little boy that I loved and cared for all of those years.   
Your mother had told me Brian’s name so I managed to find his number and called it. He obviously thought I was some trick because he started spouting filth about what he was going to do to me without giving me the chance to say a word. All I could think of was what this monster wanted to do to my little boy. I had to stop him from hurting you. I have to admit that I was more worried about the physical harm than emotional harm but that came to me later. So I rammed his jeep with my car, instead of you coming to your senses and realizing that being with that man could be dangerous you ran back to him. Then I followed you one night when you went to that gay bar to meet up with him. So when you came out of the bar I waited until his friends had left and I tried to beat sense into him. I wanted him to drop you since you would cost more than he wanted to pay. I believed that he just wanted you for your body and wouldn’t be willing to keep messing with you if it cost him pain. That certainly was proven wrong. When you chose to stay with him instead of coming home I was just speechless. Then I had to go home and tell your mother what I had done. By then it had changed from me trying to protect you from yourself to me justifying my actions. 

After that night it wasn’t about you it was about me. How would my friends and business associates think about me if they knew I had a gay son and that I was OK with that fact? So I started convincing myself that you were totally wrong and I was totally right and that when you came to your senses you would come home and all would be forgiven. When your mother and Brian concocted that little scene at the house I could've just bent a little bit and you would've been back home but all I could think of was what would people think if they found out I had let some child-molesting faggot tell me how to run my family. I couldn’t let my friends know that I let some grown man fuck my son. So I spouted off on the rules you would have to live by. I never thought that Brian would actually let you go with him; I figured he would just wash his hands of you. So when he offered and you left I was just speechless, your mother, of course, wasn’t speechless and that started her on to the path of thinking that our marriage was dead. Obviously we had problems before all of this started but my inability to accept you as who you were was one item too many. I kept telling myself that I was doing it for you. I was trying to protect you from yourself. I told myself that if you stayed with Brian you would never have a wife, a family, and a normal life. Justin why are you laughing so hard?”

“Well Dad it's funny that you worried about me having a family. If I'd been the straightest boy in all of Pittsburgh you wouldn’t have gotten any grandchildren from me. No matter how many women I fucked; no children for Justin Craig Taylor.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Dad I'm so sterile I could set the new zero for sterility.”

“How would you know something like that?”

“Well Dad’ I’ve fucked Brian at least once a week for over 20 years and he's never gotten pregnant. Of course he's fucked me at least ten times as often as I’ve fucked him and I’ve never gotten pregnant either so he must be sterile too, but how do we explain away Gus?”

“Justin you know I didn’t mean anything like that.”

“I just couldn’t help myself Dad. I know I’m sterile because I tried to have a child so that Gus could have a younger sibling and Brian and I could raise a child of our own.”

“When did you try this?”

“January 2007. After I graduated from PIFA I got a job as an illustrator for a firm downtown and I was selling enough artwork that I finally had the ability to pay my share of the household expenses, not that Brian ever let me think that he resented paying for anything, and putting money into the bank. Gus had started Kindergarten in September and had made all of us so proud when he ran into an instance of homophobia that I started thinking that he needed a little brother or sister. I also wanted a child of my own that I could raise with Brian. I started talking to Daphne and I finally convinced her to be a surrogate mother for me. We would go to a clinic; she would be artificially inseminated and after the birth would sign her rights to the child over to Brian. In January, after the holidays, we started the ball rolling, pretty much the first thing they do is check for fertility of the interested parties. Daphne was in perfect health and would've had no problems getting pregnant and carrying the child. I on the other hand turned out to be totally sterile, not a single viable sperm cell in the several samples they ended up checking. The doctor didn’t know whether my sterility was because of some illness I had as a child or if I was simply born sterile but either way I was never going to be able to father children of my own. Gus has been a godsend to me ever since the doctor told me that little fact, not that he wasn’t before. Brian, Daphne, and I are the only ones to know about this so I would appreciate it if you don‘t tell anyone.”

“Justin I’m sorry to hear that. But you making me a grandfather was never a big part of my problem. I still had a problem with you not leading a so-called normal life. Of course I knew deep down that all of my explanations were just cover-ups for my real thinking. I just didn’t want to have to admit to my friends that my son was queer. I just didn’t want to admit that fact, that I could have a child that wasn’t perfect. I can never expect you to forgive me for my stupidity just accept that I’ve acknowledged it and moved on from it. My biggest shame though is the fact that even after I finally realized how I had been so wrong about everything I didn’t have the courage to actually contact you and try to get you back into my life. So I let time pass and every year it got a little easier to tell myself that I didn’t deserve to have you in my life.”

“What finally made you change your mind about me?”

“A painting of yours that I stumbled across at a little gallery downtown.”

“How did a painting of mine change your view of my hideous lifestyle?”

“I had taken a client to dinner and on the way back to the office we passed by the gallery, the client said something to the effect that he always liked to check out local art wherever he happened to run into it and would I mind taking some time to look around. He was the client so I certainly wasn’t going to say no. We walked in and I immediately saw this painting, on the far wall, that just mesmerized me. It was of a father and son walking away from the front yet still looking back. I just couldn’t help myself and walked across the room to get a closer look, I think it brought back memories of when you were a little boy. While neither face is directly in view I recognized Brian’s profile even before I saw that the painting was signed JUSTIN. I hadn’t seen him in years and had only seen him a few times but there was no doubt who he was, so of course I knew the boy was Gus. Molly had let enough slip about her ‘baby brother’ that I resented the fact that you had a son but I didn’t have a grandson. It was so obvious that the man loved his son and since I knew who had painted the picture I also could tell how much the painter loved the man and boy. It suddenly just came to me that you and Brian were in love and had a family. A family that I could've had in my life if I hadn’t been such a prejudiced idiot. It was obvious that Brian wasn’t the monster I always thought he was, a monster like that wouldn’t love his son and wouldn’t inspire anyone to paint such a wonderful piece of artwork. The client was impressed as well but said that it simply wasn’t the right size for the space he had available otherwise he would've bought it on the spot. We went on our way but I couldn’t get that painting out of my head and everything that it told me about you. I should've called you that night and asked for your forgiveness but I simply didn’t have the courage to do it. Within a week I had returned to the gallery and bought the painting, the first of several JUSTIN paintings I’ve acquired over the years. Actually I sent an office lackey to buy the painting so that my name wouldn’t be attached to the sale so that you wouldn’t know I bought it. Another in a long line of cowardly actions on my part regarding you. I had the painting placed on the wall behind my desk at my office. Over the years it's gotten a huge number of comments by clients, usually they asked me who the man and boy were. Many time I wanted to tell the truth, that it was a painting by my son of his lover and their son but again I never had the courage. Justin I truly regret everything I did and said to you and Brian but most of all I regret that I didn’t have the courage to make things better between us once I finally realized how wrong I'd been. As I told Gus I’ve followed your career ever since and I've been very proud of you and your accomplishments, but then I never had the courage to actually tell anyone else about you or them. I'd decided to leave Gus the painting in my will but I think that I'll just give it to him for Christmas. I have to thank you Justin for letting me develop a relationship with Gus. He's an amazing young man and you and Brian and his mothers have done a wonderful job raising him. I’m sure that he and Katherine'll be good parents and that you'll have grandchildren before you know it. I probably regret that the most about my illness that I'll never know Gus’ children. Well Justin say something.”

“Dad, I told Gus that I didn’t want to come here, and I really didn’t want to come here. You hurt me so much but what kept us apart all of these years wasn’t you throwing me away or not coming to see me in the hospital when I was bashed. What kept me out of your life was your hateful comment about wishing that Chris Hobbs had splashed Brian’s brain on the parking garage floor. I can never forgive you for that comment. I simply can’t forgive that but I can overlook it for a few months. I want my Daddy back and I think that you really do want me back as well. So we'll try for whatever time you have left. I should've tried to talk to you after the horrible time when Gus tried to get us back together but I was so ashamed about how I behaved towards Gus that I just wanted to forget the whole incident. It'll make everyone in the Taylor family happy if we're father and son again, hell even Brian'll be happy if I‘m happy. Brian and I are hosting the family Christmas dinner this year and everyone will be there and I mean everyone. Why don’t you come to a Christmas Eve supper, we can have a smaller guest list and that will lessen the stress than if you were to come to the big doings? Just me and Brian, Gus and Katherine, you and Mom, how does that sound for a first dip into the Kinney-Taylor household?”

“It sounds fine but do you think Brian'll go along, after all he has a lot of reasons to dislike me?”

“Brian'll do pretty much anything if he thinks it'll make me happy. I think that he would jump into the Ohio River on New Years Day if I asked him to do it with a Sunshine smile on my face.”


	5. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

FEBRUARY 2023

 

Gus Peterson-Marcus had forgotten an important family rule in his hurry to get home for the weekend. He heard about it as 

soon as he walked into the kitchen of his Dads’ home where his Uncle Justin was busy making supper. 

“Augustus Brian Peterson-Marcus, what're you doing here?” 

“What do you mean Uncle Justin?” 

“I see you standing in my kitchen but I don’t remember getting a phone call telling me that you were coming to Pittsburgh 

today.” 

“Uncle Justin I forgot to call in my hurry to get here.” 

“Rules are important Gus. Remember what happened the last time you came home without calling?”

“Yes, but Chris Hobbs has been dead for over 2 years.” 

“I don’t care, you call first or you don’t come home.” 

“Uncle Justin you're kidding aren’t you?” 

“Only a bit. Why the hurry to come home this weekend?” 

“I got my assignment for my senior Psychology seminar and I wanted to get started as soon as possible so as to get it over 

with. I graduate this spring and I figured it would be best to finish this assignment so it won’t get in the way later.” 

“God Gus where's the time gone? Just yesterday you started kindergarten and now you're practically graduating from college. 

Well what's the assignment?” 

“Is Dad here?” 

“Not yet he had a late appointment at the agency but he should be here soon, why?” 

“The assignment will involve both of you so I would just as soon wait for both of you and explain it once.” 

“Makes sense, but then you always make sense. Go get cleaned up for supper. Good thing I made a casserole since I didn’t 

know I was cooking for 3 and there will be enough for all of us.” 

“Like there never is enough for 3 or 6 when you cook.” 

“Get out of here you little scamp.” 

“Uncle Justin I’ve been taller and heavier than you for years. I may be a scamp but not a little one.” 

“You'll always be a little scamp to me Gussy, even when I’m 100 and you're 83. Now go get cleaned up for supper, I’m not 

telling you again.” 

“OK Justee, and you'll be Uncle Justin when I’m 83 and you're 100 or until you agree to be called Papa.”

"I don't know Gus, it still doesn't sound right to me."

 

“Sunshine, did we know Sonnyboy was coming home this weekend?” 

“No and I already got on him about not calling. He seems to think that just because Chris Hobbs is dead that the rules don’t 

apply when he's excited about a psych assignment.” 

“I’m sure you set him right about that misconception.” 

“I sure did. But Brian we'll have to think about what we're going to do once he graduates and even more so once he and 

Katherine get married.” 

“We’ll think of something Justin, we've a few more months before graduation. Justin can you imagine, our little boy is soon 

going to be a married man!”

"You know Brian that means grandchildren; are you ready to be a grandfather?"

"Don't go there Sunshine, time enough to deal with it when it happens."

 

“Dad how've you been?” 

“Same as always considering how old I’m getting to be.” 

“Dad will you get over this age silliness; you’ve been complaining about being old as long as I can remember.” 

“OK did you come home to propose to Katherine?” 

“Dad you know I’m not going to propose until after I graduate in May. Why do you keep asking me that question every time you 

see me?” 

“Just pulling your chain Gus. You’ve had more patience than someone I could mention.” 

“Brian, I heard that.” 

“Don’t you think I planned on you hearing me Sunshine?” 

“Supper is ready if either of you are interested.” 

“Of course we're interested Uncle Justin.”

“Well Gus what's your assignment that you were so anxious to tell us about that you broke rule #1?” 

“Not going to let me forget are you Uncle Justin?” 

“Not anytime soon Gussy.” 

“Gus, Uncle Justin it's Gus. I have to write up several case studies about people’s behaviors. Basically how a person 

behaves or behaved and why they think they act or acted that way. Then I have to do research to see if the explanation makes 

sense. Of course it was obvious to me that you two would be able to provide me with several case studies, if you're willing, 

anyway. If it's too personal I'll understand.” 

“Of course we'll help if we can. But Gus what makes you think that we have anything worth bothering with.” 

“Dad I’ve been hearing about your demons all my life.” 

“Melanie never did like me.” 

“Oh Dad, Mama loves you and you know it.” 

“Not always Sonnyboy not always.” 

“You have to know why you have at least some of them. Uncle Justin will come up with something just to compete with you.” 

“Gus you are smiling as you say that aren’t you?” 

“Yes Uncle Justin but I’m right and you know it.” 

“Yes but I just wanted to make sure you were smiling while you made fun of us.” 

“Oh Uncle Justin I’m not making fun of you.” 

“Gus you're so easy. You would think you would've gotten over being so gullible by now. Your Dad and I have been fooling 

with your head since you were two.” 

“What makes you think I’m not just letting you think you're pulling my chain?” 

“He’s got you there Sunshine.” 

“Shut up Brian, I know when I’ve been backed into a corner.” 

“Supper's great as usual Uncle Justin. What kind of casserole is this? It's delicious.” 

“Chicken but with water chestnuts for crunch and baby shrimp for an extra taste.” 

“Well it's better than anything served at the dorms.” 

“I should hope so.” 

“Well Dad do you have a demon that you can explain away?” 

“Yes Brian do you?” 

“I suppose the obvious one is why I never slept with Michael in the 18 years that it was possible for the two of us to have 

had sex.” 

“Yes Brian I always wondered about that; just like the rest of gay Pittsburgh. But why only 18 years?” 

“From when Michael and I met to when I admitted to myself that I only wanted you was almost 18 years. Since before Gus 

tricked us into being a couple I haven’t even thought about sleeping with anyone but you, including Mikey.” 

“What do you mean about me tricking you into being a couple?” 

“Long story Gus but not now though I’ve been grateful for over 20 years that you did what you did. 

Once Deb told Mikey he was gay and he figured out what that meant he wanted to share my sexual charms like every other faggot 

in Pittsburgh.” 

“Still modest are we Brian?” 

“Hush Justin it's my story. Anyway by that time I had developed the idea that if I fucked Mikey I would lose him as my best 

friend and I wasn’t willing to risk it. I needed him as a best friend much more than as sex partner, I had all of those I 

wanted.” 

“You know Dad I spent a lot of years denying that you even kissed anyone besides Uncle Justin and me let alone you having all 

the sex partners you wanted.” 

“What ever gave you that idea?” 

“I don’t know I just had it for as long as I could remember until Uncle Justin told me the jambalaya story. How could you be 

so mean to Uncle Justin Dad?” 

“Justin you didn’t.” 

“Well I was teaching him how to make jambalaya and it seemed appropriate at the time though I didn’t really think he believed 

me.” 

“Well it finally sank in about your age difference. That it was silly to think that you were a virgin let alone didn’t kiss 

anyone until you were 29 when Uncle Justin came along.”

“We're never going to get this demon story told if you two don’t quit interrupting me. I knew over the years that I was 

hurting Mikey by denying him what he wanted but I simply wouldn’t risk our friendship for a roll in the hay. Though we did 

come close a few times but they would have been for the wrong reasons so they didn’t happen. Mikey saved my bacon too many 

times; whenever I had a breakdown due to dealing with my Dad I knew that Mikey would be there to put me back together. 

Whether it was from physical or mental harm Mikey knew what to do to make it go away. I just didn’t know what I would have 

done if he hadn’t been there for me. For some reason I kept going back to Dad, even after I left the house and didn’t have 

to, trying to win his acceptance like a moth flying into a light fixture. As much as I hoped he never changed till the day 

he died. Well maybe he changed a little in the last few months. Mikey was there for me every time my Dad hurt me and he was 

there when Justin was bashed. I knew he was there even if I wasn’t able to show it at the time.

There were 3 incidents that occurred less than a year apart that convinced me that it wasn’t destined for Michael and me to 

have sex.” 

“Mikey and you I just can’t imagine it, though I try not to think too much about you and Uncle Justin either not to mention 

Mom and Mama.” 

“Well Gus that's very normal, no kid likes to hear about his or her parents having sex, gay or straight. We don’t like 

thinking about your sex life either. But let me tell you Justin's quite the sexual demon." 

“Dad!”

“Back to the demon story. First was the infamous Patrick Swayze mutual jack off session.” 

“The what?” 

“Yes Gus that was an infamous story back in the day” 

“Mikey and I both told that story though I never told the entire story.” 

“What? There was more after Deb interrupted you?” 

“Of course there was more, let me tell the story Justin. Mikey and I were in our freshman year in High School; we were up in 

his room one Saturday afternoon. He'd swiped a movie magazine from Deb, who'd swiped it from her beauty parlor. There was a 

picture of Patrick Swayze, shirtless, that we were looking at. I had admitted to myself over a year before that I liked 

guys and had some experiences but Mikey was still in denial about what he wanted. Anyway we were looking at the picture and 

I noticed that Mikey was getting hard which started me on the way to a boner as well. I had wanted Mikey almost from when we 

met. Remind you of anyone Sunshine? So I decided it was time so I reached into his crotch and started fondling him, which 

got me hard as a rock. He even put his hand on me. I had just gotten his dick out of his pants and was deciding whether I 

should go down on him when Deb burst into the room with a load of laundry. She didn’t say a word but she had to have seen 

what we were doing. We covered ourselves and Mikey scooted as far away as he could without falling off of the bed. Deb put 

his clothes away and left the room without saying anything. 

“Doesn’t your mother knock Mikey?” 

“Not that I ever remember.” 

“Well my Mom always knocks but she would've been knocking 5 minutes after we closed the door.”

“Brian it was probably best that Ma came in when she did we were going too far. It was getting a little too queer.” 

“Mikey you were enjoying yourself.” 

“I know but I shouldn’t have, I should've stopped you.” 

“Why Mikey? We were having fun.” 

“Having fun isn’t always the right thing to do.” 

“I better get home. See you at school.” 

“Bye Brian.” 

It really shocked me that Mikey didn’t want to start up again. I would've finished what we started if he had shown any 

interest. I more than likely would have blown him. I'd been sure that he was as interested in me as I was interested in 

him. I really was surprised at his reaction and it put me off for a while. I can remember thinking that maybe I'd been 

wrong about Mikey and maybe he wasn’t gay like I thought. So that was the first step towards developing my demon about 

fucking Mikey. 

Several weeks later my Dad took Mikey and me bowling. He was a big bowler and always wanted me to take it up. Not that it 

was ever going happen, though I did become a better bowler than I ever expected. After a while he got bored watching Mikey 

and me throw gutter balls and went to the bar. After 7 or 8 frames we had scored 10 pins between the two of us. But then a 

miracle occurred and I threw a strike. Mikey and I just started hugging and jumping up and down like a pair of idiots. 

Mikey was celebrating my strike but I was enjoying the feel of his body against mine. I got a hardon just from his hugging 

me. Without knowing what I was doing I planted a kiss on Mikey’s lips but just then my Dad came back from the bar and saw us 

hugging. I don’t think he saw the kiss but he still made some homophobic comment. I just shoved Mikey away and ran out of 

the bowling alley. I wasn’t afraid for myself, hell he'd been hitting me for no good reason for years, but I didn’t want him 

to have a reason to pick on Mikey. Mikey would've been devastated to have an adult pick on him. I ran to the car and waited 

for Dad to come out and raise hell. I just didn’t want him to do it in public. I was totally surprised when he and Mikey 

came out together laughing and having a good time. Nothing was ever said about the hugging. We dropped Mikey off at his 

house and then went home. While I expected to get hit for embarrassing him by being a faggot he just kept bragging to Mom 

about my strike and how I was going to be a great bowler. Mikey told me Monday, at school, that he just told Dad that we 

were celebrating my getting a strike after so many gutter balls. He bought it hook line and sinker. I guess he didn’t want 

to believe his son could be queer either. So that was the second step. It was beginning to feel like the universe was 

against Mikey and me getting physical with each other. But I was still interested. Mikey was a hot little fucker, sound 

familiar Sunshine?” 

“I resent being compared to Mikey.” 

“Well he was back then, virgin too.” 

“Dad” 

“Now Sonnyboy you asked for what I thought was the reason for my demon. I wanted him but I was beginning to feel the 

universe was against us being intimate. I always listened to the universe when it was being negative.

The final straw came when Vic came to visit Deb and Mikey. Vic was living in New York City but he came to visit often and I 

had gotten to know him fairly well. He was the only gay man that I really knew. I had fucked with a few adult men, well 

they were older than me so I thought of them as adult, by then but I didn’t know them. Vic had explained a lot of things to 

me on what to look out for as a gay man and as a man in general. On this trip he took me to Woody’s for a talk. 

“Brian I just want to talk to you about Mikey. Deb hasn’t told him he's gay yet, but that doesn’t really matter. H's as gay 

as we are but he's different from you and me though. He'll be that gay man that needs just one guy in his life while we 

can’t be happy with just one man. He'll never be truly happy until he finds a guy that is happy with only him so unless 

you're willing to settle for just him the two of you'll never be happy together. Sure you would have some good times in bed 

but he would resent you tricking with other guys and you would resent him limiting your choices. So don’t hurt him by 

leading him on unless you can commit yourself to him.” 

“I love Mikey Vic.” 

“But are you in love? Can you settle for just him because if you can’t you'll hurt him and I doubt you'll be able to stay 

friends either. So you can have sex or have a best friend but I don’t think you can have both with Mikey.” 

So there was the last step in the development of a demon. The man that was more of a father to me than my own ever was 

warned me away from Mikey. 

"Do you remember Vic Gus?” 

“I think so, he was sick most of the time wasn’t he?” 

“I suppose that you would remember that more than the earlier years. I sure wish I'd been more open to him about my feelings 

towards him. I wish I'd been more open about my feelings to everyone. That's another demon Gus; maybe we can talk about it 

tomorrow. This talking feels good Sonnyboy. Why did it take me so long to learn to be able to talk about my feelings?” 

“Vic knew how you felt about him Brian and he considered you like a son. He said something once while I was living with him 

and Deb.” 

“What?” 

“Something to the effect that you were too much like him in some ways but he loved you like the son he never had and that I'd 

better not hurt you. He was probably the only one who worried about me hurting you instead of you hurting me. I hurt you so 

much when I moved out to be with Ethan, but Vic told me that I did the right thing. That you would never see the light until 

you were forced to look for it. I was getting discouraged about whether you were looking about the time Gus’ first plan came 

into play.” 

“You two are going to have to tell me the story if you are going to continue to talk about it.” 

“Another time Gus, along with the ditty that caused your Dad to sell the Loft and buy this house.” 

“No Justin not that story too.” 

“Are there any other stories from when I was too young to remember?” 

“Probably but those are the two most important to us and our relationship.”

“So anyway my demon about Mikey was fully developed by the time I was 16. No matter how much Mikey wanted me I wasn’t 

willing to risk losing his friendship. The universe was against us and who was I to challenge the universe. Will this be of 

any use to you Gus?” 

“Sure Dad, you let superstition prevent you from hurting your best friend.” 

“I should've been able to tell Michael that would've saved him some pain over the years.”

“But would he have believed you Brian?” 

“Probably not Justin. So Gus you have case study #1 under your belt, tomorrow we can work on #2.” 

“OK Dad, Uncle Justin do you have any ideas for #3?” 

“Not yet Gus, I‘ve never been as demon possessed as your Dad.” 

“No you just have the ass of a demon.” 

“Dad!!”


	6. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

FEBRUARY 2023

“Good Morning Sonnyboy, it's about time you got out of bed.”

“We did stay up very late last night Dad.”

“Gus you're much too young to use that excuse.”

“Dad can’t you cut me any slack?”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Since I’m your bouncing baby boy.”

“I guess that'll have to do then but you weren‘t a baby when you were a baby. How many 2 year olds can figure out how to get 

two stubborn adults to see what's best for them? 

Gus I’ve decided that I want to talk about the demon I had about love. Both admitting that I could love someone and that I 

was worth being loved. 20 plus years with Justin and you have allowed me to be open with my feelings much more than I could 

before you two entered my life that fateful night. I'll always be grateful that you two are in my life. I don’t even want 

to think about how my life would have turned out if the two of you hadn’t been in it or what I would do if you weren‘t in it 

now or in the future. Do you have your tape recorder ready for my second demon explanation?” 

“Sure Dad I’m ready but aren’t we going to wait for Uncle Justin? Where is he anyway?” 

“He went to buy some steaks, he said something about not having enough food in the house to feed an uninvited guest.”

“He didn’t?” 

“Yes, he did.” 

“He really isn’t going to let me forget about not calling is he?” 

“Well Sonnyboy you do know how frightened we were when Hobbs kidnapped you.” 

“Yes but the rules are going to have to change eventually.” 

“We know Gus but give him a little more time. He's having more problems with you growing up than anyone would've ever 

expected.” 

“Doesn’t he know I'll always be his Gussy?” 

“Sure in his heart but it's his head that's causing the problems. Listen Gus; his car is pulling into the garage. Hey 

Sunshine I was just about to talk about another of my demons.” 

“Hey, Brian. Which demon, there're so many to keep track of? I would've been here sooner but I had to buy more food than 

normal which took longer than usual.” 

“Uncle Justin I said I was sorry can’t you get past my forgetting to call home?” 

“I already have Gus when are you going to figure out when we're pulling your chain?” 

“I suppose I should just admit the truth; never.” 

“Well Gus your gullibility is part of why we love you so much.” 

“Dad!” 

“The demon I had, and to be honest still have, about love took much longer to develop than the don’t fuck Mikey demon. It 

was also harder to get rid of since it really isn‘t completely gone. Though I suppose it could be argued that I never got 

rid of the Mikey demon; it just no longer came into play once I declared my love for Justin to myself and never considered 

fucking with anyone else ever again.” 

“You haven’t even thought about tricking in all of these years?” 

“Not once, why trick when perfection is waiting at home?” 

“Brian, who are you trying to impress, me or Gus?” 

“Neither just the facts. There are still times when the love demon tries to rear its ugly head. When I wonder why the two 

of you are still in my life? Why the two of you haven‘t realized how unlovable I am?” 

“Why would you wonder such horrible thoughts Dad? We've always loved you and always will.” 

“Well something that well developed isn’t completely wiped out even after 20 years of unconditional love from you and Justin. 

It started as soon as I figured out that even though my Mom and Dad said they loved me they still hurt me at every chance. 

Not that they actually said it very often. Dad was never affectionate but when he had been drinking it didn’t take much to 

set him off. Sometimes all it took was for him to see me in the room. He didn’t want me to be born so my mere presence was 

an affront to him. Mom may have thought she protected me from him but I never saw it that way. All I saw was that she 

didn’t stop him from hurting me and that she was more interested in the church than my happiness or safety. They would tell 

me that they loved me but their actions were the opposite of what everyone else told me love was supposed to be. So I didn’t 

believe in love or that I was worth loving. I mean if my father didn’t want me born and had no problems with beating me for 

little or no reason how could I be lovable? If my mother couldn’t or wouldn’t protect me from my father how could I be 

lovable?

Then I met Michael, we'd moved from East Pittsburgh to this side of town when Dad got a promotion. So I had to change 

schools for the eighth grade. Mikey and I became great friends from day one, which is another story though. While I didn’t 

believe in love I soon felt that I loved Mikey. I knew that I was attracted to other guys and had actually fooled around a 

few times. I had blown the gym teacher at my old school but then we moved over the summer and I never saw him again. That 

was probably for the best though. He would've ignored me and that would've been even more proof that I was unlovable. 

Deb soon figured out what was going on at my home and took me in like I was family but I kept her at arms length because I 

still feared that love was dangerous and I also didn‘t want to be treated like some puppy Mikey had brought home. Over the 

years she was always more of a loving mother than mine ever was; though I never let her love me as much as she would have 

liked to show me. She always knew when to push and when to back off. I suppose I was always afraid that if I let her love 

me she would hurt me in some way. Of course I knew that she loved me but she never actually told me in so many words since 

she knew that was something I didn’t want to hear. 

She considered you another one of her sons Sunshine, that made it really hard on her when we had our problems with each 

other. She was stuck in the middle trying to figure whether she should stand by the old pseudo son or the new one. Usually 

she stood by you, which I never questioned since I always knew I was in the wrong."

"No you weren't." 

"As I mentioned last night I was very attracted to Mikey but by the time he was willing I had developed the fear of losing 

him as a friend by fucking him so it never happened. 

I’ve always loved Mikey and always will but I never was in love with him, something he was never able to figure out until one 

night in the comic store when I pushed him as hard as I ever did to see the reality of our relationship. I was so afraid 

that I had finally gone too far and had lost him forever. But he forgave me without saying a word later that night at 

Babylon but he never tried to get me to sleep with him again. 

He still tried to protect me from the world, including Justin, like I needed help in protecting myself from anything. Which 

caused us a lot of pain but he did do it for the right reason.” 

“He still should've come to me first and given me the chance to explain things to you. But he was right Brian you did and 

often still do need help in protecting yourself even if you never could admit that to yourself. What hurt the most was that 

I had opened up so much of myself to him while we were developing 'Rage'. I thought that we'd become friends but when push 

came to shove you were the only friend he had, the rest of us didn't matter if he thought there was anything hurting 'Saint 

Brian.'” 

“Michael just saw that you weren't being the perfect partner for me, though why he couldn’t see how much I was hurting you is 

beyond me. Why he thought that you fucking around with another guy was going to hurt me when I was still tricking with 

anyone and everyone still surprises me. Hell; when he told me I had some guy’s hand in my pants.” 

“When he was in full Mikey mode all he could see was how much the world was hurting Brian and nothing else. He just knew 

that you could never change your tricking ways and I imagine that he didn‘t even notice anymore but I was supposed to be 

chaste if I was going to be worthy to be your boyfriend. Where he hurt me the most was his insistence that you would never 

change. He simply couldn't see any of the changes you'd made and every time I said something he came back with the old Brian 

Kinney never changes, live with it. I knew how much you had changed but after a while I started believing him and that led 

to disaster.” 

“Are you still jealous of him Sunshine?” 

“I was never jealous of him, he was just the younger brat brother I never had who drove me mad.” 

“I’ll bet that this is going to lead up to my first plan that I can’t remember isn’t it? How could Mikey be your younger 

brother? Mikey's older than Dad.” 

"Well Gus Michael acted much younger than his age and I acted much older than my age and I just thought of him as younger 

than me when he went into 'Mikey' mode and bugged the shit out of me."

“Yes Sonnyboy everything is leading up to your first wonderful plan. Every time I think about it I'm so grateful that even 

as a 2 year-old you knew what to do to make me and Justin happy. But I‘m getting ahead of myself.

“Mikey and I finally graduated from High School and I'd earned a full scholarship to Penn State that covered everything but 

spending money. I wanted to laugh so hard when someone bragged about scoring 1500 on the SAT but I kept my mirth to myself. 

 

Mikey only made it to graduation with my help so he wasn’t going to go to college, though he tried community college just to 

shut Deb up. I really had my doubts about leaving Pittsburgh but the scholarship was only good at the State College campus. 

Mikey wouldn’t hear of me not taking the scholarship so at the end of August 1989 I got on the bus with enough money in my 

pocket to last until I got my first paycheck from the job I would have to find the first week I was in State College if I 

wanted any money for anything extra. 

Mikey and Deb were there to see me off, while I didn’t expect my folks to be there it still hurt when they weren’t, it just 

emphasized to me again how unlovable I was. When I got to the housing office I found that I'd been assigned to a small 

rooming house a few blocks off campus since the dorms were completely full. I had dining privileges at the dorms, which was 

good since I couldn’t cook as well as I can now.” 

“Is what you do called cooking?” 

“Sonnyboy I’m doing you a favor and you make fun of my cooking.” 

“Sorry Dad I couldn’t resist.” 

“So I walked over to the rooming house, got my key and moved into my home for the next four years. I only had what I could 

carry in 2 suitcases and didn’t have any money to spare to buy anything to furnish the place so I was stuck with what was 

there, which wasn’t much. There was a twin bed, a desk and chair, a Lazyboy, and a floor lamp. I decided that I would have 

to find a job as soon as possible so that I could earn some money and make the place more livable.” 

“A place you could bring tricks to you mean?” 

“No Justin; I, believe it or not, had no intentions of tricking while I was at school. I'd decided that it wasn’t worth the 

risk of losing my scholarship. I'd convinced myself that if I got caught in some sex scandal then I would lose everything 

and have to go back home to Mom and Dad. Momentary pleasure from some random trick wasn’t worth that horrible punishment. I 

could just see trying to explain to them that I got kicked out of college because I was fucking some guy and got caught.” 

“We certainly are learning all about you Brian, the idea of you being afraid of anything is hard to believe.” 

“Justin you know that I've been afraid of a lot of things, mainly of losing you or Gus.” 

“Brian, sometimes you're as gullible as Gus.” 

“Uncle Justin!” 

“Back to the story guys. I found that there was a single bathroom/shower room on each floor of the rooming house much like 

the dorms. The biggest difference between the dorms and the rooming house, other than sheer size, was that the rooming house 

had older men as well as students. Students were the majority of the residents though. My next-door neighbor was an older 

man named Dan Sedlacek who was in his 50s. He was a painter but since he wasn’t that good, I guess anyway, he worked in one 

of the museums on campus to survive and painted at night. He sold some of his work but never enough that he could afford to 

quit working at the museum. 

I'd gotten to State College on Thursday, school started the following Monday. On Friday I started looking for work. I 

lucked out and was offered a job that would fit my class schedule at the 3rd place I went to. I figured out later that I got 

the job because of my looks. It was as a waiter at a café that catered to businesswomen. While all of the management was 

female all of the wait staff and bussers were good looking young men. I don’t even want to think of how many passes from the 

patrons I got over the years I worked there. I think there were probably more after word got out to the regulars that I was 

gay since like most women they wanted to save me from myself. While it was a pain I made very good tips. While the job 

didn't make me rich I certainly didn't have to worry about spending money or buying nice clothes. Not that I could afford 

designer clothes but I didn't have to go to the Goodwill or Salvation Army stores like a lot of students did.” 

“I’ve always wondered why you pushed me to work at the Diner, now I know you were just getting even for what you had to put 

up with.” 

“Took you a lot of years Sunshine but you finally caught me. Was it really that bad working at the Diner?” 

“Once I got used to it I had no problems but that first week or so until Vic told me how to handle the passes was hell. You 

weren’t any help that's for sure. The one guy I wanted to make a pass never did.” 

“You mean Theodore never hit on you?”

“Brian!” 

“Now who's gullible? Let me get back to my story Justin. While I didn’t risk picking anyone up I still was 18 years old and 

so spent a lot of time masturbating. 

Oh Gus don't give me that look, you know full well that Justin and I, as well as pretty much every other male on the planet 

masturbates.

One night I wasn’t as careful as usual and Dan walked into the showers and caught me in the act. Of course I was embarrassed 

to high heaven, I mean the man was older than my father and he catches me jerking off. I was mortified but he just made some 

comment about my size and basically made it clear that he was willing to help me out. I just couldn’t say a word, I mean he 

was older than my father and he makes a pass at me, though it was very discreet. I just quickly finished my shower and ran 

to my room red from head to toe. He never said anything explicit but it was always clear that whenever I was interested he 

would be available. A couple of weeks later I finally decided that I had to do more than just jack off, I still wasn’t 

willing to risk picking up someone on campus or in a bar, not that I ever had any luck getting into a bar until after I 

turned 21 and even then I always got carded, so late one night I knocked on his door. When I got in the room I looked at his 

artwork which didn’t impress me all that much but then I’ve never been much of an art aficionado, except for one blond 

artist.”

“You can say that again, and thanks but you're biased.” 

“Justin try to be nice for a change.” 

“Yes dear.” 

“Justin Kinney-Taylor.” 

“Go on with your story Brian.” 

“Anyway we started talking, I was very nervous about having sex with such an old guy, what if he died in the middle, but he 

soon settled me down. He didn’t pressure me but pretty soon we were on his bed fucking like rabbits. Over the next four 

years we did much more than have sex but the sex was very intense, he was very experienced and was a very good teacher. 

While I topped probably 95% of the time he was the dominant one of the relationship.”

“Topped, probably something I don’t want to know?”

“Gus didn’t we ever give you a gay birds and bees talk?”

“You didn‘t Uncle Justin but Dad might have mixed some gay stuff in with the straight stuff when he gave me the ‘talk‘. He 

hemmed and hawed so much that I didn‘t know what he was saying most of the time.”

“If you didn’t know what I was talking about why didn’t you ask any questions?”

“Dad you were so embarrassed just giving the talk I didn’t want you to have a stroke by asking questions. I just asked Aunty 

Em the next day.”

“Emmett? What did Emmett know about straight sex?”

“Probably as much as you did; but he did know a professor of Health and Human Sexuality at the University who explained 

everything and answered my questions without turning various shades of red.”

“Brian why did you give Gus the birds and bees talk?”

“It was just after that incident where Gus was afraid I would hate him because he liked girls. Mel and Linds thought it 

would be best for me to give him the talk. Like I knew anything about telling a 13 year old boy about straight sex. But 

when did I ever turn Lindsay down?”

“About as often as you turn me or Michael down.”

“That sounds about right, but if you two could ever quit interrupting me I might be able to finish this story. 

Dan and I talked about pretty much everything at one time or the other and visited museums and parks and just about 

everything in the area that was free or reasonably priced. We went on picnics and celebrated holidays and birthdays and just 

enjoyed each other’s company. Very soon I didn’t even notice how old he was or how unattractive he was. He was my Dan and 

that was all that mattered to me. 

A few weeks after we first had sex I finally got so homesick for Pittsburgh, actually I just missed Mikey, that I looked in 

the school paper for ads about trips to Pittsburgh. That is how I first met your Mom Gus, four of us from Pittsburgh split 

the costs of driving to the Pitts and back to State College for a weekend. Lindsay and I were in the back seat and became 

good friends on that trip; the rest was history as they say. I had a wonderful time that weekend with Mikey. We went 

clubbing and tricking, it was wonderful, at least I thought it was wonderful at the time, I know better now.” 

“Brian you will make me blush.” 

“Isn’t he a beautiful shade of red Gus?” 

“Dad!” 

“Go on with the story Brian.” 

“I became sure that I was in love with Dan. He was there for me when I needed him. We were happy when we were together. We 

did much more than just have sex though we did that as much as he wanted. But looking back I should have realized that we 

never spent the entire night together, I always went back to my room. He never had problems with me going home to Pittsburgh 

where he knew I tricked because he always asked me about my trip when I got back to State College and he always wanted every 

detail about the guys I fucked. It should have occurred to me that his wanting to know about my tricking, which in its way 

was cheating on him, was suspicious if he considered us a couple. I never considered it cheating because he encouraged me to 

fuck other guys. How could I have been so naïve?

I was also sure that he loved me. I can’t ever remember him saying the words but I just knew from his actions that he loved 

me and that I was worth loving. Having grown up without thinking anyone loved me or that I was worth loving, notice that I’m 

leaving out my complicated relationship with Mikey since I never really equated that relationship with romantic love, I 

wanted to be loved and to love so much that I missed the signs that he really was sending me amid the signs I was picking up. 

Over the almost 4 years we were a couple, and I really thought of us as a couple, we probably had sex an average of 3 times 

a week. Until you came along Sunshine I probably never had sex with anyone else more than 3 different times total. So I did 

realize how important and different you were to me after the 5th time we fucked even if I didn’t admit it to myself for many 

months.”

“Dad!”

“Sonnyboy I never knew you were such a prude.”

“Well it's hard to listen to such things about the two most important men in my life. it's hard enough to picture you making 

love, whatever that is, let alone thinking about you fucking.”

“Well Sonnyboy you should know the difference from your relationship with Katherine.”

“Dad, I don’t want to go there, ever.”

“Justin have you ever seen anyone get so red so fast?”

“I don’t know, Brian you got awful red once when listening to Gussy sing a song over the phone.”

“Justin don’t go there.”

“Something else I did that I don’t remember, right? Just tell me the song so we can get on with the story.”

“Daddy and Justee play horsie…”

“Justin if you ever want to get fucked again you will stop this instant.”

“Brian it isn’t that bad.”

“No, No a thousand times No.”

“I’ll tell you when he goes to bed Gussy. On with the story Brian.”

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that even if you theatrically whispered it Sunshine.”

“As if I would whisper it in front of you if I really intended to tell him.”

“OK, well time marched on and I finally graduated from Penn State with a degree in Marketing and Communications. It was 

interesting that the only people there for me were Deb, Vic, Mikey, and Lindsay. I should have wondered why Dan didn’t come 

but I didn’t, love makes you stupid sometimes. The 5 of us went out on the town to celebrate my graduation and I got in very 

late, Dan’s window was dark so I didn’t bother him. That night as I tried to go to sleep I worried about what I was going to 

do with my new degree. I really wanted to move back to Pittsburgh, I'd been offered an introductory job by Ryder amongst 

other offers from various Pennsylvania advertising firms but I didn’t know whether Dan would be willing to move to the Pitts. 

I assumed that we would be together and if he wouldn’t move to Pittsburgh then I would take the offer from the small firm in 

Altoona. I was reasonably sure that he would agree to move to Pittsburgh since he could easily get a job at one of the 

Universities here and continue to paint but I was willing to do whatever he wanted. That is what couples do, they make each 

other happy. The next night he came to my room, which I couldn’t ever remember him doing before.

“Dan I need to know what we are going to do so that I can decide which job offer to take.”

“What do you mean Brian?”

“Well are we going to move to Pittsburgh or stay here in State College?’

“What?”

“What do you mean what? I‘ve got my degree I've job offers from ad agencies all over Pennsylvania, Ohio, Maryland, and even 

West Virginia. I have to decide which one to accept. I figured we would move to Pittsburgh and I'd take the Ryder offer, 

but if you don‘t want to leave State College then I'll take the Altoona offer and commute.”

“Brian you take whatever job you want it doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Yes it does I want you to be happy wherever we live.”

“Brian we aren’t going to be living together, you can take whatever job you want to take and I’ll stay here like I have for 

the last 30 years. We aren’t a couple, queers don’t live as couples. What ever made you think we were going to be a couple? 

I just came for my last fuck from the best student I’ve been with in the last 30 years.”

“What do you mean we aren’t a couple, what has the last 4 years meant? I thought that you loved me; I know that I love you. 

I thought we would be together forever.”

“I’m sorry Brian if I led you to believe that but I never said I loved you. You were a convenient lay and very good company. 

I’ve been very happy with what we've had but we were never a couple, we were just friends and fuck buddies, which is all it 

was ever supposed to be. How did you ever think it was more and why didn’t you say something earlier? I’ve slept with 

pretty much every gay college student assigned to this rooming house for the last 30 years and I'll sleep with most that are 

assigned here in the years to come. I'll admit that you have been the best of the lot. You were a great student of the 

amorous arts but we were never a romantic couple no matter what you think. Come on give me one last Kinney fuck before you 

move to Pittsburgh.”

“Get the fuck out of this room you old pervert, how did I ever think you loved me. I was just a convenient fuck. How could 

you treat me like that? Never again. I can’t be loved and I’m never going to risk the pain of loving again. Thank you very 

much for pointing out that I’m unlovable, I knew it all of my life why did I forget just because some old fucking faggot took 

me on picnics and celebrated my birthday. Love is shit, romance is crap and I’m never going to love anyone again. It isn’t 

worth the fucking pain it brings. Get the fuck out of this room. I don’t ever want to see you or think of you again.”

“Brian I’m sorry that I hurt you but I never led you on. I had a great time with you the last 4 years but I’m not interested 

in relationships and if you're wise you'll heed what you just told me and stay away from them yourself. Relationships are 

bullshit for gay men; you're only responsible for yourself and your own pleasure. Take pleasure where you can get it. But 

don’t fall into that straight nonsense about true love. If I’ve done nothing else for you I hope that you've learned how 

stupid love is for queers. You can’t be open about loving another man in this society so why bother.”

“Get the fuck out.”

“God Brian. No wonder you fought loving me for so long. How could he not know how you felt? How could he hurt you so much?”

“I wish I knew Sunshine. I returned to Pittsburgh, took the job with Ryder and started winning my place as the King of 

Liberty Avenue. Five or six years later I got a package from a law firm in State College. Dan had painted a nude 

self-portrait and had willed it to me when he died. I seriously thought about burning the ugly thing but I decided to hang 

it as a reminder to the futility of love. Of course I never told the real story behind that painting until one night long 

ago when I used it as the basis for a bedtime story. As Gus pointed out that night it was the only picture that I brought 

from the Loft to the house when we moved, that isn’t true I brought all of your artwork that I had but since I didn’t have 

any of them on the walls of the Loft Gus didn’t know about them. Dan hurt me but he also made me realize that I should live 

my life for the greatest pleasure possible and not worry about the other guy, he could worry about himself. I was reasonably 

happy during the years, up until that fateful meeting under a lamppost, but it was an empty type of happy. Maybe that was 

why you had such an effect on me that first night. Hell I probably knew there was something special when I first saw you 

under that lamppost. Why else would I ask you, instead of Mikey, what name to give my newborn son? My asking you, probably, 

was why Mikey resented you so much, even before it became obvious to all of gay Pittsburgh that you were part of my life. As 

much as I pushed you away you kept coming back. You kept showing me what love truly was even if I was too blind to see it 

and too stubborn to admit what I felt for you in return. You took all the crap I slung at you. You took the shit your 

father gave you because you loved me. You always tried to make me a better person and what did I do but throw you out of the 

loft when you made a mistake. Then when I found you in New York your only concern was to make me feel better.”

“I have to admit Brian that whole run away to New York was a calculated gamble.”

“What do you mean Justin?”

“I was gambling that you'd come after me instead of having the cops find and arrest me. Didn’t you ever wonder why Daphne 

hunted you up and told you what I'd done? I didn‘t win the trifecta, you wouldn‘t let me live with you at the Loft, but I 

didn‘t lose completely since you fixed it with Deb so I could live with her and Vic. Living there I was still in your world. 

If I'd been forced back with my folks then I probably would've never seen you again. My Dad would've done everything he 

could to prevent me from seeing you and you wouldn‘t have tried to see me. So I‘ve always been glad I made that gamble.”

“You scamp!”

“Guilty as charged.”

“Well I kept fighting you though not quite so fiercely. Then you got me and Mikey back together after I pushed him out of my 

life so that he would go with David.”

“Well I had to, you were so miserable without Michael in your life. I loved you and I wanted you to be happy.”

“I know that I wasn’t myself, I was nice to Theodore and I actually invited you over to the Loft.”

“Your confused state led to my first time topping you though.”

“You were a natural and then didn’t take advantage just gave me ice cream kisses. After that night I was much closer to 

admitting to myself that I loved you but I still couldn’t do it. Looking back everyone with eyes knew how we felt about each 

other even though I denied it to anyone who said anything. It took an act of extreme stupidity on my part before I was 

capable of admitting to myself that I truly loved you and that you really did love me.”

“What stupid act, there've been so many?”

“I’ve never told anyone this story before and I’m sure that Mikey hasn’t either so you both have to agree to never tell 

anyone and Gus this can’t be in your case study.”

“Sure Dad.”

“Do you remember Emmett’s going away party for Mikey and David, Justin?”

“Sure, but you never showed up.”

“That was because I was at the Loft celebrating my 30th birthday by having the most intense orgasm of my life. I'd purchased 

a silk scarf and I was hanging from a rafter jacking off when Mikey came in and untied me. While he was chewing me out for 

being so stupid and I was trying to justify my stupidity he stumbled onto just the right words to open my eyes and make me 

realize that I could be loved and that I could love you without the universe collasping onto itself.”

“Well what did he say? Wait a minute; what do you mean you were hanging from a rafter? Brian Kinney were you trying to kill 

yourself? What the god damn fuck would cause you to do something that stupid?”

 

“To answer your questions in order Sunshine. That no matter how old I was I would always be young and beautiful because I 

was Brian Kinney for fucks sake. I just knew right then and there that you did love me and that I loved you. I decided, 

while Mikey was still hugging me, that I would tell you and the world that Brian Shawn Kinney loves Justin Craig Taylor by 

coming to your Prom and dancing with you for all of the bigots of the St James Academy to see. 

I had gotten the scarf tied to one of the rafters in the Loft, was standing on a chair and was jacking off. It was known as 

scarfing and supposedly the scarf would tear free before you actually choked to death if you fell off of the chair. The 

reduced oxygen was supposed to make the orgasm extra special. And then there was the uncertainty about whether it really 

would tear free or hang you.

As for why, I was especially messed up that week. The Death Day party idea wasn’t the best one my friends ever came up with. 

The job offer in New York had fallen through, that was the first time that my goals for my work life hadn’t come through 

with flying colors. Mikey was leaving me for another man. Even though we were never a couple I always relied on his being 

there for me. Even though I'd told him to go it still hit me like a ton of bricks when he told David that he would move to 

Portland. Then you asked me to your Prom. I should've said yes Justin, but this demon we're discussing tonight wouldn’t let 

me. When I want a good laugh I think about your reply to my question about what would I do in a room full of fucking 18-years 

olds. Going to that Prom would be admitting that I loved you and on that Wednesday I still couldn’t admit that to myself let 

alone the world. But you asking me such a question put more pressure on me than I really wanted to deal with. Then Lindsay 

went on about how cute it was and how she wanted to live her life. I told her I didn’t want to do anything like she did but 

I was lying, I did want to grow old with you, but it scared me. Gus I do want to have grandchildren so you and Katherine 

can’t wait too long. Without Mikey coming to the Loft and getting me down who knows if I would've ever admitted to myself 

how much I loved you Justin. But then maybe the bashing wouldn’t have happened if I'd stayed home.”

“Hobbs had been harassing me ever since I jacked him off, if he hadn’t bashed me that night he would've done something later, 

you weren’t the cause of the bashing Brian.”

“While my brain might know that Sunshine my heart has problems believing it at times."

"What was the answer to the question, Uncle Justin?"

"That I thought he enjoyed fucking 18-year olds."

"That's funny in a weird sort of way considering the two of you are my Dads." 

"Anyway on with the story. I fixed the Loft up for our after Prom festivities, called the DJ and made arrangements for a 

certain song to be played when the two of us started to dance. Then I got ready and went to the Prom. When I first got 

there I almost turned around and left, I was suddenly afraid that I was making a huge mistake but then I saw Justin and I 

knew that I was doing the right thing. I walked over to Justin and Daphne. We made small talk then I took Justin onto the 

dance floor, the crowd just moved out of our way. 

The DJ changed the music to the Last Dance and we just started dancing. It was the most romantic time of my life; we ended 

it with a wonderful kiss. We then left the ballroom where we made plans for after Justin had taken Daphne home. We returned 

to the ballroom to get my jacket, which Justin had taken off while we were dancing and threw to Daphne. Then Justin insisted 

on walking me to the Jeep. We goofed around, singing and dancing and talking. We kissed and Justin left to go back to 

Daphne, I just sat in the Jeep looking at him, in the side mirror, wondering at my luck in having such a wonderful guy in my 

life who I loved and, miracles of miracles, loved me. 

Then I saw someone walking behind Justin with a bat, I tried but I couldn’t get there in time and the bastard swung and hit 

Sunshine in the head. I grabbed the bat and hit him so that he couldn’t get away; I then went over to Justin where he was 

lying on the cold cement bleeding his life away. I took the scarf and tried to stop the bleeding. I called 911 and then 

Mikey. I'd forgotten that he was supposed to have gone to Portland but he hadn’t gotten on the plane yet and so was able to 

come to the hospital. I still don’t remember what I said to him. 

I rode in the ambulance to the hospital but they wouldn’t let me into the treatment area since I wasn’t family. That hospital 

had to have been the most follow the rules no matter what place I’ve ever had to deal with. I just sat down on the nearest 

chair and then I just faded away. I was aware of the people around me but I couldn’t make my body work. I couldn’t talk and 

I couldn’t move. But I could remember and over the next several days I must've remembered every second that Justin and I had 

spent together since the night we met. Mikey and Emmett took me to the bathroom a couple of times and tried to get me to eat 

but I couldn‘t make my jaws work to chew the food, the water ran down my throat on its own or I wouldn‘t have been able to 

drink either. Then when the Doctor told Jennifer that Justin had gone into a coma my body answered my brain and became 

useable again. I told Mikey to get the fuck out of Pittsburgh and go to Portland to be with David then I walked out of the 

hospital. 

The Universe had smacked me upside of the head again. I admit my love and some bastard tries to take my love away from me. 

I couldn’t stay in the hospital because I couldn’t stand to have everyone, especially Justin when he woke up, look at me and 

see how much to blame I was for Justin’s bashing. I intended to never come back, since Justin would be so much better off 

without me in his life. Of course I also thought that I deserved the pain I would suffer by not having him in my life. But 

that Sunday night I knew that I didn’t have the strength to follow through on my intentions. Every night while Justin was in 

the hospital I was there for hours watching him sleep. I was too afraid to come when he was awake but I just couldn’t stay 

away completely. I had fallen into my old habit of excessive drugs and tricking though I got no pleasure from any of it. As 

bad as I got I would have gone completely to hell if I hadn’t gone to the hospital every night, those hours watching Justin 

sleep kept me sane. While I could stay out of his life I couldn’t bear to not have him in my life at least that much. I 

was so fucked up that I wore the bloody scarf under my clothes every day. Why the police didn't demand to have it as evidence 

I never thought about at the time. I guess they just didn't need it since the DA went into plea bargain mode almost from day 

one. I'm not bitter about that I'm not bitter about that, if I say it often enough then it has to be true. I wanted to 

believe that I couldn’t be loved but I knew better. I wanted to believe that I couldn’t love but I knew better. I knew that 

blond twink loved me and I knew I loved that blond twink, but it was best for the blond twink if he thought I had abandoned 

him simply because some homophobic bastard had hit him in the head with a baseball bat.”

“Brian I knew that you suffered during the time I was in the hospital but I never imagined that it was that bad. Why haven’t 

you said anything before now?

“I never had the courage when it might have mattered and then it became moot so why bring it up.

Then Justin got out of the Hospital and found Mikey and me at Woody’s, I can’t ever remember sobering up so fast. We went 

back to the Loft and Justin figured out almost immediately what my problem was, and he told me that it wasn’t my fault. I 

knew better but I started falling for him again. I had convinced myself during those weeks Justin was in the hospital that I 

didn’t really love him just cared for him. Then Jennifer convinced me that I had to stay out of Justin’s life for his own 

good. That hurt so much but I had no problem buying her logic. Loving me was a dangerous thing, what a lousy excuse for 

abandoning the man I loved when he needed me the most. Of course the two of us should have known that Justin wouldn’t go 

along with our plan. So before I knew it Justin was living in the Loft and I was trying to get him back to the way he was 

before the Prom. We had some success and he got over most of his physical and emotional problems from the bashing. 

I was in love but I was still afraid to admit it since I was afraid that the universe would strike again. Then I messed up 

again, because I couldn’t tell him what I felt and tried to believe that just showing it with my actions was enough, and 

Justin went back to Deb's house. Deb then made me admit my love for Justin but I still didn’t actually use the words. To 

use the words would be to tempt the fates again and I was much too chicken shit afraid to do that again.”

“Another confession Brian. I went to Deb’s that time because I knew she would try to get us back together, my mother 

certainly wouldn‘t have tried if I had gone back there.”

“I should've known, you always have been the devious one in the relationship. Anyway I told Justin that I loved him and 

wanted to be a couple without actually using the forbidden words. Then Justin surprised the hell out of me by making his own 

demands.”

“Then I was the one to break all of the rules.”

“You were pushed, don’t blame yourself. I still worried that Justin would wise up and leave me. He went to a party that 

Daphne gave one night, about the last thing I told Justin before he left was to fuck a fraternity boy for me, of course I 

just ignored the look of dismay he gave me when I said it. Then the next day when I guessed that he kissed a guy, which was 

against the rules, I freaked on the inside while on the outside I acted like nothing much had happened. As if Justin Taylor 

could take some kid’s virginity and not kiss him, it meant nothing but I let him run off to the shower thinking that he had 

done something horribly wrong. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that if he left because I pushed him away that would 

be less painful than if he left because he decided he didn‘t love me anymore. So I started making him do things that I knew 

he didn‘t really want to do by making him think that was his only way to keep me. It was horrible the way I played Justin’s 

emotions. I knew he loved me but I was so afraid that he would stop loving me that I did everything I could to make him stop, 

but on my terms. I should have explained why I had to go to Chicago instead of just listing everything that cost me because 

you were in my life, I never begrudged a cent I spent on or for you. I should have called you or gone to Vermont after I got 

home. I should have celebrated your birthday and gotten you a present that meant something. I should have bought that damn 

bouquet. I did none of those things but did even more hurtful ones Was that stupid or what? Did I ever ask for your 

forgiveness for how badly I treated you during those months, Justin?”

“I never needed that Brian. I always knew you loved me, just like I always loved you. I just lost my way for a while. I 

just got so tired of interpreting Brian speak into human that I totally forgot that I had to interpret in order to know what 

was going on. So I took what you were doing at face value instead of what you really were doing. I should've known better, 

that would've saved both of us a lot of pain. I was so miserable, especially after Ethan had to leave on his concert tour, 

and I know you were miserable as well. Of course neither of us was willing to bend enough to make the situation better. 

Until a little blond angel pushed us back together.”

“The story again?”

“Yes Gus, your first plan.” 

“But that virgin didn‘t have a Daphne in his life Brian.”

“What does that mean?”

“If he'd had a Daphne in his life pushing him like Daphne pushed me then Gus would have an Uncle Eric. It was Daphne‘s idea 

that I try to make you jealous when I stole your tricks away that night at Babylon; I never understood why they chose me over 

you though. Even after we got into Babylon I wanted to go home after only a few minutes but Daphne made me stay and the 

rest as they say is history. Her plan worked though so I ended up very happy that night, in your bed again after everyone 

told me that Brian Kinney never did a trick twice. Anyway Eric didn‘t have a ‘Daphne’ to push him after me. The day after 

the party he hunted me up at the Diner, told me he loved me. I gave him a version of the speech you gave me the night after 

we met but I was much more nasty than you were to me. That was one of the lowest points in my life, but I couldn‘t risk 

losing you by letting him chase after me. I did hunt him up a week or so later and explained things to him about my 

relationship with you and the rules in order to make myself feel better about the situation. While we were never really 

friends we did remain acquaintances until he moved away from Pittsburgh when he graduated a few years later.”

“Well I’m glad you were able to make yourself feel better. You mean I have Daphne to blame for 20 plus years of happiness?”

“I’ll tell her you said that the next time we talk. But I suppose you'd better get back to the story before you forget it, 

old man.”

"I finally made Justin choose between Ethan and me. Though I had made sure that Ethan was worthy of Justin’s love. As much 

as I loved Justin I couldn’t admit it to him or anyone else. I could never forget what had happened to him the last time I 

declared my love. I knew that he would choose Ethan but I held out hope that he wouldn’t but when he did my heart just 

collapsed into itself. I was totally miserable without Sunshine in my life but you were the only one that I could tell it 

to. Gus, I could tell you since you were only 2 years old and didn’t really know what I was saying. You decided that you 

wanted us back together and set about making us see that we were meant to be a couple. So one day when Justin had taken you 

on a picnic at the park and I decided I wanted to see you; the three of us were together for the first time in months you 

decided if we were close enough to each other we would have to talk and would realize what we'd thrown away through our 

stupid pride. So you maneuvered both of us into the sandbox and then threw yourself down between us. When we reached to get 

you we bumped into each other and before we knew it we were kissing and hugging and you were watching us with as big a smile 

that would fit on your face. We've been together ever since. While the demon tries to cause problems once in a while the 

love I have gotten from Justin and from you has been enough to beat it back into submission. As I said earlier I can’t 

imagine my life without the two of you in it and I'm eternally grateful that Justin chased me and never gave up no matter the 

shit I threw at him. I'm eternally grateful that a two year old knew how to get me back with the love of my life.”

“Dad I'll always love you and want what's best for you. Uncle Justin has always been what's best for you, even a two year 

old would've known that.”

“Will you be able to use this for your assignment Gus?”

“Sure Dad though it'll be somewhat harder to figure out what was going on though. Uncle Justin have you thought of anything 

yet?”

“No Gus, I haven’t figured anything out yet. I just didn’t have the demon ridden life that your Dad lived.” 

“Well Sunshine you keep thinking about it I’m sure you'll think of something; you aren’t perfect except in bed.”

“I’m not, why have you waited so long to tell me that Brian.”

“Justin Craig Kinney-Taylor, have I told you lately that I love you.”

“Not since the last time you looked into my eyes.”

“Do I need to leave the room so you two can be alone?”

“Gus!”

“You would never kiss in front of me so I doubt that you will make out with me in the room.”

“I was going to sing your song Gussy but now I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry Dad, I was just going with the flow, and I didn’t mean anything.”

“Gus when are you going to learn?”

“Again, I guess I am too gullible for my own good. Just tell me the song or quit bringing it up.”

“Daddy and Justee play horsie  
Daddy and Justee play horsie  
And Daddy was the horsie  
And Daddy was the horsie”

“Oh my God I didn’t.”

“You did.”


	7. The Gus Chronicles(college years)

FEBRUARY 2023

 

“Good Morning Sonnyboy. What do you want for breakfast this fine Sunday morning?”

“You mean that you plan on cooking Dad? You really must have had a great time last night. Are you sure you have the 

strength to cook this morning?”

“What the hell does that mean young man? Yes I plan on cooking since Justin hasn’t gotten up yet.”

“Doesn’t the fact that Uncle Justin's still in bed answer your question Dad? Did you wear him out?”

“You're losing me Sonnyboy. Answer the questions I asked you as a good little boy should do when asked questions by his 

loving father.”

“Well if you put it that way Dad, I guess we better stick with scrambled eggs and toast since I know that you can handle 

that.”

“Gus you're going to be going back to State College hungry if you aren’t careful.”

“Oh Dad you really are exhausted if you can’t figure out that I’m pulling your chain. Breakfast has always been your strong 

suit as a chef, whatever you want to make is fine with me; except poached eggs, I hate poached eggs.”

“You aren’t getting away with a compliment causing me to forget the other questions. What did you mean about me having a 

great time last night and not having the strength to cook?”

“Dad, you and Uncle Justin have never been particularly quiet when engaged in sex acts but last night might have set some new 

decibel levels.”

“What?”

“Dad I’ve heard a lot of sounds coming from your room over the years but last night was something else. I guess killing a 

few demons made the two of you hornier than usual, or at least less careful in holding down your voices. While I still don’t 

want to know any details about your love life I certainly could make some guesses about what was going on last night.”

“What?”

“Well ‘fuck me Justin’ only has a few interpretations Dad. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what ‘Brian slam that big 

cock of yours in me’ means either. The two of you were going at it when I finally fell asleep and you were still going at 

it when I woke up hours later. No wonder Uncle Justin's still in bed after the night the two of you obviously had. I‘m 

surprised that you're up and standing, but then I suppose I’m not surprised that you aren‘t sitting down.”

“Gus! How long have you known what we were doing? Why didn‘t you ever say anything?”

“I’ve always known that the two of you made strange noises at night but Mom and Mama explained that they were the sounds of 

love when I asked about them many years ago when I was a little boy. When I got old enough to really know what you were 

doing I was too embarrassed to actually say anything about it. Of course it never kept me awake like it did last night. I 

suppose I was usually asleep before you started most nights.”

“What kept you awake last night Gus?”

“Well Sunshine it seems that we were especially noisy in our passion last night. Sonnyboy was just explaining why he asked 

me if I had a great time last night. It seems we were extra loud last night and gave away a few of our secrets.”

“Huh?”

“Now Justin I know that you're brighter than that, I guess I did wear you out, you are getting old after all.  
Let’s just say that Sonnyboy overheard some of our comments and has a better idea of what goes on in our bedroom.”

“Nothing goes on in there Gus, other than innocent slumber.”

“Uncle Justin you can’t pull my chain on that one. I’ve known better than that for 15 years or more.”

“You have, what gave us away?”

“Oh the noises, other than snores, coming from your room over the years, but last night set new records for loudness as I’ve 

told Dad.”

“Justin I never noticed that you snored.”

“I suppose that's because your snores drown out my snores. What're we having for breakfast?”

“Sonnyboy thinks I can’t cook anything more complicated than scrambled eggs and toast so I vote that we let him make 

breakfast. You did teach him how to make breakfast meals didn’t you Sunshine?”

“Yes, but you know Brian it's interesting, the boy can make complicated dinner entrees turn out perfectly but he could never 

fry an egg without breaking the yolk. Scrambled eggs and toast sounds fine to me. I just got out of bed but I’m still 

terribly tired.”

“Well fucking and getting fucked all night long might have something to do with that Uncle Justin.”

“Augustus Brian, what caused that outburst?”

“I’m sorry Uncle Justin, I don’t know.”

“Justin I do believe that the boy blushes almost as red as you do.”

“Don’t worry about it Gus. It's understandable that you're testy if you didn’t get all of your beauty sleep because two 

horny old men got carried away with passion.”

“Justin I’m not old, horny yes, but old no.”

“Look will you two just drop the whole subject, I’ll make breakfast then I’ll get ready to go back to State College.”

“Gus will you have time to listen to my demon before you have to leave. I thought long and hard about my life last night; 

after Brian finished explaining his love demon and before we kept you awake with our noisy passion.”

“I don’t know about the thinking Sunshine but I can attest to the long and hard.”

“Brian!”

“Dad!”

“Got the both of you with one shot.”

“Sure Uncle Justin I’ll take whatever time I need. What demon did you come up with?”

“I’m not really sure it is a demon, in the sense of the demons your Dad had to deal with. I realized that I’ve had a 

tendency to keep situations bottled up instead of trying to get help dealing with them. My life would probably have been 

much easier if I could've just said to someone what was going and got some help but I just figured that the situations would 

solve themselves if I gave them enough time. But ignoring them really made the final solution much harder than it had to be. 

You would think I would've figured that out after the first time instead of having to deal with the same sort of thing later 

on in my life. The big thing Gus is never be afraid to ask for help.”

“Sounds interesting to me. What situations are you talking about Uncle Justin?”

“The first one would have to be what happened after the students at St James Academy found out that I was gay instead of just 

thinking I was gay.”

“How did that happen?”

“Didn’t we ever tell you the story of my coming out?”

“Not that I remember, I remember the story of how you first met Dad, how you picked my name and then I kind of gloss over the 

remainder of the story since it involved sex.”

“Gus it still surprises me how much of a prude you are.”

“Me too Dad, but that's just the way I am. While I don’t ever remember having any problems with you and Uncle Justin being 

gay I just was never comfortable thinking about the two of you having sex. I mean I knew that you did since you never really 

hid that from me. Well I don’t ever remember seeing you do anything more than kiss and I had to trick you into that most of 

the time when I was around but I did hear a lot of strange sounds like we talked about earlier. I just didn’t like thinking 

about it. None of my friends liked thinking about their parents having sex either. So I guess that you'll have to remind me 

Uncle Justin, how did the students at St James find out that you were gay?”

“I had spent the night with your Dad. We'd done just about everything that two men could do together, not everything mind 

you, but nearly everything. I didn’t get to top for months. We'd finally fallen asleep, for a few hours, when the alarm 

woke us up. After showering, and fooling around some more your Dad and I were finally getting dressed when Michael showed up 

with Brian’s Jeep. He was jealous of me even then, that's the only way I can explain his snarking at me that morning. When 

we got to the street we found out that some brats in Michael’s neighborhood had vandalized the car. The worst was the word 

FAGGOT spray painted on the side of the car in pink. Brian was going to take me to school and he asked me if I minded going 

in the Jeep. I said no I didn’t mind but I was lying through my teeth but there was no way I was going to say anything 

different.”

“Why not Justin?”

“Even that early in knowing you I knew enough to know to not show fear Brian. If it wasn’t going to bother you then it 

wasn’t going to bother me. Anyway we pulled up to school, not quietly, but with squealing tires so that everyone noticed. I 

got out of a Jeep with FAGGOT painted on the side, talked with this gorgeous man who even got out of the car and straightened 

out my jacket as we talked.”

“I don’t remember that part Justin.”

“That was the first time you said one thing with your words but the exact opposite with your body language Brian but it 

certainly wasn’t the last time. You were telling me that we would never see each other again yet you were worried about my 

appearance. While St James wasn’t the largest school in the Pittsburgh area it was far from the smallest but word about my 

gayness soon spread throughout the student population. From that day various members of the senior class picked on me. 

Funny that since I was a senior the younger students didn’t pick on me, even the ones that were much bigger than me, because 

they knew that if they did there were seniors that would have picked on them for daring to pick on an upper classman. Social 

status is a very funny situation at times. The other seniors would have protected me from younger students because of social 

status but didn’t protect me from my social peers; in fact some of the bastards that pushed me around would have been the 

first to object to a lower classman doing the exact same thing. It wasn’t too bad at first, mostly just nasty comments. But 

when I made the mistake of jacking Chris Hobbs off it got steadily worse. He openly pushed me around in the halls and then 

we had that fight in the locker room and so others felt that gave them permission to physically pick on me as well. Chris 

was always the worst; I’ve always thought that it was because he felt guilty for liking the hand job too much. Of course his 

actions in kidnapping you Gus kind of proved that in the long run though. He made sure that when Daphne and I tried to start 

the Gay-Straight Student Alliance that Dickson showed up to put a stop to the meeting. When someone set my locker on fire I 

finally said something to my mother who met with the Principal who basically said that he wouldn’t have done anything even if 

I had told him earlier in the year.”

“Why didn’t you tell me how serious all of that shit was Justin?”

“Because I thought I could handle it. Looking back if I had you might've actually been able to scare Hobbs enough that he 

wouldn‘t have taken a bat to my head. But I just thought I could handle it until I graduated and it became a moot point. I 

also thought that you would've resented me telling you about my problems. I was wrong and I paid dearly for that mistake, 

but I regret the most how much pain it put you through Brian.”

“We all make mistakes but we should learn from them.”

“Well that's what makes the other two times I kept my problems close to the vest even more stupid in hindsight.”

“Well what are the other two Sunshine?”

“After the bashing I had serious problems dealing with other people. Finally Mom decided that she couldn’t deal with me 

anymore and asked you to take me in and get me back to normal. You were wonderful Brian; you did everything necessary to 

help me get over my problems. After I was more or less back to normal you started trying to push me away again. You kept 

wanting to do things that I didn’t want to do yet I was so afraid that if I didn’t go along you would tell me to get lost 

again. I made the best of the situation I could. I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy myself at times but it wasn’t what I 

wanted. I couldn’t believe that you didn’t pick up on my discomfort but it didn’t seem like you did. Finally I just got 

tired of trying to figure out what was going on and started giving up on us. My 19th birthday present was probably the next 

to last straw while the Vermont trip definitely was the last straw. Ethan came along and did everything I wanted from a 

boyfriend and when you finally pushed me off of the cliff he caught me. I was reasonably happy with him but if he hadn’t won 

the Heifetz Award and left for his tour we probably wouldn’t have lasted much longer as a couple. I look back and see where 

if I had just made you listen to me before it got too far we probably would have saved ourselves a lot of pain. Then again 

if that had happened then Gus wouldn’t have been able to get us back together. I should've seen what you were doing before 

it was too late but I didn’t because I just kept thinking that everything would work out in the long run.”

“Justin I was so afraid that you would leave me that I pushed you away. Somehow I thought that it would be less painful if I 

were the reason we split up than if you were the reason. Well if that was true I never want to know what my life will be 

like without you in it since I was horribly miserable when I pushed you away. I wish I'd been able to get past my demons in 

order to see what I was doing to you but I don‘t know that I could have no matter what you'd said to me.”

“I should've at least tried instead of thinking I could handle it by myself, at the very least I could've talked to someone 

else and got some support in dealing with you. But then I should've learned from the blowup and the near disaster that was 

our separation to not keep my feelings away from you. Of course I didn’t and I almost destroyed our relationship again.”

“When and what was this situation Uncle Justin?”

“Gus only the clinic involved, your Dad, and Daphne know anything about this so I would appreciate it if you keep it to 

yourself. I did tell my Dad when we reconciled just before he died.”

“You know I'll do that, but it does sound suspicious.”

“Gus do you remember when you were in Kindergarten and you made your Dad and me so happy that we threw a party for you?”

“Yes but I never did understand why what I did was so important to you two. I just did what I had been brought up to do.”

“Well Gus when you're a father you will understand how proud you can be when your child does what you taught him to do. 

Anyway I was so proud of you I could have exploded with joy. I got to thinking that you would be the perfect big brother. I 

was finally making good money, between my job and my artwork that was selling at the various galleries around the area, so I 

was paying my share of the household expenses and putting money in the bank. So I'd be able to afford a child. The more I 

thought about it the more I liked the idea so I started working on Daphne. I eventually convinced her, not that it really 

took that much time to do so, that Brian and I'd make perfect parents and she agreed to be a surrogate mother. She asked me 

if I wanted to do it the old fashioned way. I even think she was serious but we'd done that once and once was more than 

enough for me.”

“You had sex with Daphne? When?”

“That doesn’t matter Gus but it did prove to me that I was gay through and through.”

“Did you ever doubt that Sunshine?”

“No but then I might've wondered if I'd never tried.”

“You know better than that Justin.”

“Yes I do. So after the holidays, Daphne and I went to the clinic to start the process. This was in January 2007 and the 

literature I had received from the clinic told me to not have sex for at least 2 days before my appointment. You have no 

idea how hard it was to not have sex with your Dad but the hard part was not telling him why. I came up with some stupid 

excuse that I was sick and didn’t want to give it to him.”

“I never did understand why you wanted to keep the whole baby idea a secret Justin.”

“I just wanted it to be a big surprise. Why I was so stupid to keep it a secret when it started causing problems is the 

demon we're talking about this morning. Daphne and I'd gone to the clinic and had very intense physicals. I also had to 

provide a sperm sample. Which was surprisingly embarrassing to provide, considering things I'd done in my life. Just jacking 

off shouldn’t have been a problem but knowing that the attendant knew what I was doing was embarrassing. A couple of days 

later we returned for the results of our physicals. Daphne was pretty much in perfect shape and would've no problems getting 

pregnant and carrying the baby to term. I on the other hand tested sterile. I tested so sterile that the Doctor thought 

that maybe there was a problem with the test. He asked me to go at least 10 days without ejaculating and come back and 

provide a new sample. I sat there speechless, first the shock of being told I was sterile and then trying to think of how in 

the world I was going to convince Brian that nothing was wrong when I refused to have sex with him for 10 days. It was hard 

enough to do that for 2 days but 10 was going to be almost impossible. Why I just didn’t tell him what I was doing I don’t 

know but I still wanted to keep it a secret. So I made the appointment to return in 11 days.”

“I bought the sick excuse for a few days but then I started to worry that something was going on. I even thought for a day 

or two that he was cheating on me. That was such a horrible thought that I almost asked him but then I realized that he'd 

never do that to me again. But then I started thinking that something had to be up and then the clinic called to remind 

Justin of his appointment. Since I didn’t recognize the doctor’s name or the clinic I started thinking all kinds of terrible 

things. I convinced myself that he was dying from some terrible disease that affected either his penis or rectum. Why else 

would he refuse to have sex with me for an extended period of time? After a few days of that nonsense I decided I had to ask 

him what was going on.”

“You never told me that Brian. A fatal disease involving the penis, I never heard of anything like that.”

“Well you have to admit it was a reasonable idea considering that you were coming up with some silly reasons for sleeping in 

the spare room. I convinced myself that you were dying, you refused to have sex with me so the deadly illness had to do with 

your sexual organs, I mean if it were something normal like cancer or heart disease you would've still had sex with me up 

until you physically couldn't.”

"Dad you really didn't beleive something that silly did you?"

"Gus you should know me well enough to know that once I latch onto an idea I don't let it go until I have no choice but to 

admit being wrong and then of course I never admit to beleiveing it in the first place."

 

“Gus you should know all about Kinney logic. Of course Brian, before you actually got the courage to ask me what was going 

on I went back to the clinic. I went into that little room and provided another sample, considering how long I had gone 

without ejaculating it took a long time to achieve my goal. I don’t know whether it was the embarrassment or the worry but 

it took much longer than normal but the cup overflowed. The Doctor told me that they would do a rush job and to come back 

the next morning. I went home and pretty much jumped Brian when he walked in the front door when he came home from work. I 

don‘t think that the door had closed before I had his pants open and his cock down my throat.

“You could've knocked me over with a feather when you first jumped me and I think I fell over when I came. That was one of 

the most intense orgasms of my life. Then before I knew what was going on you had me on my back, my legs in the air, and my 

prostate getting massaged like it had very seldom been massaged. I can remember thinking he really is dying and is getting 

one last fuck in before he dies. At that point in time I didn’t really care since I was just about to have another 

overwhelming orgasm. By this time we'd moved into the living room and were lying on the carpet instead of the wood floor of 

the entry foyer. 

About the time I could think straight enough to ask what the hell was going on you'd sucked my cock hard again, were sitting 

on it and kissing me so that I couldn’t ask anything. After the third intense orgasm in less than 2 hours I finally was able 

to ask you what was going on. You just gave me a Sunshine smile and fell asleep. I actually felt for a pulse before I 

allowed myself to doze off. We were lucky that no one walked in on us, since the door was ajar; we were lying on the living 

room floor half naked with semen stains from the foyer to the living room. When I woke up we were hugging each other with 

our clothes pulled out of the way but nothing actually off. I untangled myself and put my clothes more or less in order and 

woke Justin up. I asked him what the hell was going on, did he make a habit of jumping guys walking into the house without 

warning and what was he dying from?”

“I just started laughing my head off. I really couldn’t believe what I'd done since it was so unlike me. Then it sank in 

that Brian had asked me if I was dying. It was then that I realized how stupid I'd been not telling Brian what was going on. 

I'd scared him again by keeping things from him. Then of course he had to think I was crazy when I jumped him without 

saying a word. I mean I hadn’t even said hello before I was deep throating him in the entry foyer. So I went directly from 

laughing to sobbing, which of course caused him even more concern. Finally I was able to get control of my emotions and I 

told him what was going on.”

“I was so relieved that Sunshine wasn’t dying that it took a while to sink in that my Twink was trying to have a baby. That 

he'd avoided having sex with me so that he could provide another sperm sample to be tested for fertility. So I told him that 

he was a stupid twat for not telling me what he was up to, but I stilled loved him even when he was acting like a sex-starved 

maniac. Then we both started laughing like a pair of fools. Then I picked him up and we went to our bathroom where we 

proceeded to shower until we ran out of hot water, considering we have an extra large water heater that took some time. I 

really thought my dick would fall off when we finally fell asleep that night. I can’t remember having so many intense 

orgasms in a single night.”

“Well I suppose not having had sex for 10 days explains that Brian but I don’t remember topping you so many times in one 

night either. I hope that we haven’t embarrassed you too much Gus, do you need to go get a drink of water, you look terribly 

flushed.”

“I’m ok I think.”

“So the next morning Brian went with me to the clinic. The doctor called me in to his office and I insisted that Brian come 

with me for moral support. I was told that even after not ejaculating for 10 days they still couldn’t find a single viable 

sperm cell in my sample. I was totally sterile; that there wasn’t a chance whatsoever that I could ever father a child. The 

doctor didn’t know whether this had happened because of some childhood disease or if I was born that way. I’m so glad that 

I'd confided in Brian because if I'd been there on my own I would never have gotten home, Brian had to walk me out to the car 

because I couldn’t make my legs work on my own. I don’t know why it affected me so much but I guess being told that you 

could set a new standard for sterility was something no man wants to hear, straight or gay. While I never told your Dad this 

I’m glad he didn’t offer to father another child. That would have been another slap in the face; irrational as that sounds 

but I wasn’t thinking too rationally that week.”

“While I have to admit that I did think about it a time or two I knew that it was the wrong time to offer and then we moved 

on with our lives and it never came up again.”

“I finally learned my lesson though and I never kept anything of importance from your Dad again. Though I did jump him in 

the foyer on occasion. Though you might remember the time I did it when you were about 9 or 10 and he'd brought you home for 

the weekend without letting me know that he was picking you up from school on his way home.”

“I bought your explanation that you were practicing for scaring people at Halloween Uncle Justin. I guess it is a good thing 

that I didn’t dawdle too much getting out of the car that night isn’t it.”

“Yes Sunshine it's a good thing that he didn’t dawdle, though I would have paid good money to see you trying to explain why 

our son saw you deep throating me in the foyer to his mothers. They've always believed that I was the sex maniac in the 

family, you would've disappointed them so much if Gus had dawdled that day. Though I'm sure that Mel would have figured out 

some way to blame me for you having my cock down your throat in front of our son.”

"Dad do you and Mama have to squabble with each other even when you're not in the same building?"

"Yes, Sonnyboy we do. Mel and I'll probably squabble over who gets what rock to sit on in the pits of Hell."

“Well Gus I don’t think that my demon is on the same level as your Dad’s demons but there's the story, I would prefer you not 

use the baby story in your case study though.”

“Don’t worry about it Uncle Justin. Though I have to figure out some way to get the images out of my head. I mean my sweet 

little Uncle Justin manhandling my big macho Dad in the entry foyer is something I really don’t want to think about.”

“Gus!”

“Sonnyboy!”

“Got both of you with one shot.”


End file.
